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Not a bunny boiler........

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emotionalgirl posted 11/11/2013 10:38 AM

Some of you may have seen a previous post from me in general. I thought we had a bunny boiler on our hands. Found out today what I have is a sneaky WH who is a total asshat and was covering his tracks!

I am so angry right now I am steaming. I had been watching his texts and there was nothing (I get them sent to an email via a text copy program). Then he got the texts that he showed me that made me think we had a bunny boiler. Turns out he has been texting her from one of the guys he works with phone and she has also changed her phone number and he has her listed in his phone as someone else completely. She was texting him on other guys phone, but this morning I pick up his phone and there is a ticked off message from her saying she is tired of this and ever since he started texting her a couple of weeks ago she has been thinking and she wants him to leave here alone. The "bunny boiler" texts were her expressing concern that she didn't need me berating her and loosing my shit on her if they continued to talk. Which I did initially I admit. He was covering his ass by showing me. He has not seen her I know for sure, because all he does is work and sleep right now.

I am so tired of this shit! I had told him that if he broke no contact he could go and live with her and I would text her to let him know he is coming. Well he left for work and I spent the morning hefty bagging his shit and setting it in the garage (I like to keep my business from my nosey neighbours). He has been texting cute little messages to me and I have not responded except after he texted what ya doing? for the 8th time I responded cleaning some shit out!

I AM DONE! He wants this marriage or he wants her! He can't have both, simple as that! It was my birthday yesterday, happy freakin birthday to me!

Josephine01 posted 11/11/2013 10:47 AM

So Sorry. . . (((Hugs)))

nowiknow23 posted 11/11/2013 10:52 AM

((((emotionalgirl)))) So glad you found the truth, honey. Sending you strength.

womaninflux posted 11/11/2013 11:01 AM

I'm really sorry you are going through this. You will get through it, though!

Make sure you see a lawyer so you know what your situation is. Copy all bank statements, investment statements, and account for any debt you have (mortgage, etc.) ASAP. Get your hands anything that may possibly matter financially. You may want to consider re-keying your locks, too. Ask a lawyer what they think. Legally, a locksmith has to allow your husband back into the house unless there really is a separation in place.

Kierst13 posted 11/11/2013 11:07 AM

WIF gave you some great advice. I am so sorry he continued to lie to you.

RippedSoul posted 11/11/2013 11:11 AM

So hurtful and maddening! No advice (I don't seem to be doing anything right myself to warrant sharing strategy), but definitely hugs.

lordhasaplan? posted 11/11/2013 11:14 AM

No I disagree, your bunny boiler is your WH!!!
This kind of manipulation is indicative of a pathologic liar.

emotionalgirl posted 11/11/2013 11:20 AM

Thanks everyone,

I already have total control over all finances and since I do everything have copies of it all, so no fears there. He is the one who is going to have issues! I will wait on the locks, as I am not quite ready to go there. We will see what 7pm brings, which is what time he will be home. Will make an appointment with a lawyer for this week and go from there.

Right now I just can't even think! I am angry and exhausted and sad and just what to sit and cry for awhile. Things were so good and I thought we were starting to R, then it is like a bomb went off and shattered my entire world. so glad I can come here.

Swims posted 11/11/2013 11:24 AM

I'm so sorry, emotionalgirl. But its good that you found the truth sooner rather than later. Stay strong!! (((emotionalgirl)))

Getting to Happy posted 11/11/2013 14:03 PM

It was my birthday yesterday, happy freakin birthday to me!

Happy Birthday sister
Strength to you.

And F.T.G!!!

Hope2B posted 11/11/2013 14:31 PM

I am so sorry this has happened to you, especially after being very clear about parameters of behavior (NC) and ensuing consequences!

I applaud you for being strong and following through with those consequences.

Future birthdays will be better! Happy belated birthday!

painfulpast posted 11/11/2013 15:01 PM

Wow. Just Wow.


You're really doing great considering. And good for you for the hefty route!!! Can't think of a more deserving guy.

You're awesome!!

Truly posted 11/11/2013 15:06 PM


I feel you, I hear you...I am now off to be sick.

If this turns out to be my truth I hope I can be as strong as you x

LeopoldB posted 11/11/2013 19:24 PM

Damn. Just when you think it is safe to go back in the kitchen! Of all things, WH giving bunny boilers a bad name.

(I was going to say, "You must be furry-ous", but then I thought better.)

Sorry about your situation.


brkn_heartd posted 11/11/2013 19:40 PM

Sending strength to you. It is 740 here...hope you are holding up well.

emotionalgirl posted 11/11/2013 19:56 PM

Hi everyone....I am doing ok. WH got home from work 40 min ago. Lets just say it was interesting.....

I am actually really proud of myself, he texted off and on all day just to say hi, and stupid tidbits. I didn't text back once. He got home and I told him he was not welcome in "our" home. He asked why? I said go out to the garage and figure it out for yourself. He looked perplexed, but went. He is now in the garage and texting me continually to please come out and talk. After about the 10th text I told him to text his "friend" if he needed to talk so badly as that seems to be what he always does. I think it just sunk in! He has not texted or come to the door for the last 10 min.

Our garage is heated with a couch, it's his man cave so he can sleep out there as far as I am concerned. If he does come in after I go to bed....whatever, I have moved back to the spare room.

I have written a letter informing him that I am done and we can live an in house separation or he can move out. It is up to him, but I have written that I am finished with his bullshit, 3 people do not a marriage make. I have also noted that I will be seeking legal advice. Since he thinks he has done nothing wrong, I am sure he will think I am bluffing. Guess he will get a surprise won't he.

Thank you everyone for support...and Leo, I thought the joke was cute. Just what I needed. I likely won't post for a few days until I can figure out what is going on.

PricklePatch posted 11/11/2013 20:24 PM

Hugs stay strong

courageous posted 11/11/2013 20:49 PM

(Emotional gal). Good for you for standing up for yourself! I know that is really hard to do. You deserve so much more than being second place in your own marriage. Don't let him convince you otherwise or that it's all in your head.... My exwh did that to me and I'm still upset with myself for falling for it.

storm77 posted 11/11/2013 22:23 PM

Sorry this is happening, but just wanted to say that you are awesome.

Lalagirl posted 11/12/2013 07:36 AM


I'm so sorry.

Please keep us posted when you can...

You are going to be okay...after you get rid of the poison in your life.


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