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Newest Member: sylvie (45742)

User Topic: Not a bunny boiler........
emotionalgirl
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some of you may have seen a previous post from me in general. I thought we had a bunny boiler on our hands. Found out today what I have is a sneaky WH who is a total asshat and was covering his tracks!

I am so angry right now I am steaming. I had been watching his texts and there was nothing (I get them sent to an email via a text copy program). Then he got the texts that he showed me that made me think we had a bunny boiler. Turns out he has been texting her from one of the guys he works with phone and she has also changed her phone number and he has her listed in his phone as someone else completely. She was texting him on other guys phone, but this morning I pick up his phone and there is a ticked off message from her saying she is tired of this and ever since he started texting her a couple of weeks ago she has been thinking and she wants him to leave here alone. The "bunny boiler" texts were her expressing concern that she didn't need me berating her and loosing my shit on her if they continued to talk. Which I did initially I admit. He was covering his ass by showing me. He has not seen her I know for sure, because all he does is work and sleep right now.

I am so tired of this shit! I had told him that if he broke no contact he could go and live with her and I would text her to let him know he is coming. Well he left for work and I spent the morning hefty bagging his shit and setting it in the garage (I like to keep my business from my nosey neighbours). He has been texting cute little messages to me and I have not responded except after he texted what ya doing? for the 8th time I responded cleaning some shit out!

I AM DONE! He wants this marriage or he wants her! He can't have both, simple as that! It was my birthday yesterday, happy freakin birthday to me!



1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Josephine01
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Sorry. . . (((Hugs)))


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((emotionalgirl)))) So glad you found the truth, honey. Sending you strength.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26192 | Registered: Aug 2011
womaninflux
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really sorry you are going through this. You will get through it, though!

Make sure you see a lawyer so you know what your situation is. Copy all bank statements, investment statements, and account for any debt you have (mortgage, etc.) ASAP. Get your hands anything that may possibly matter financially. You may want to consider re-keying your locks, too. Ask a lawyer what they think. Legally, a locksmith has to allow your husband back into the house unless there really is a separation in place.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Kierst13
♀ 39197
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WIF gave you some great advice. I am so sorry he continued to lie to you.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
RippedSoul
♀ 40055
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So hurtful and maddening! No advice (I don't seem to be doing anything right myself to warrant sharing strategy), but definitely hugs.


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
lordhasaplan?
♂ 30079
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I disagree, your bunny boiler is your WH!!!
This kind of manipulation is indicative of a pathologic liar.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1923 | Registered: Nov 2010
emotionalgirl
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone,

I already have total control over all finances and since I do everything have copies of it all, so no fears there. He is the one who is going to have issues! I will wait on the locks, as I am not quite ready to go there. We will see what 7pm brings, which is what time he will be home. Will make an appointment with a lawyer for this week and go from there.

Right now I just can't even think! I am angry and exhausted and sad and just what to sit and cry for awhile. Things were so good and I thought we were starting to R, then it is like a bomb went off and shattered my entire world. so glad I can come here.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Swims
♀ 30992
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, emotionalgirl. But its good that you found the truth sooner rather than later. Stay strong!! (((emotionalgirl)))

Posts: 138 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
Getting to Happy
♀ 35200
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was my birthday yesterday, happy freakin birthday to me!

Happy Birthday sister
Strength to you.

And F.T.G!!!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1144 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Hope2B
♀ 40474
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry this has happened to you, especially after being very clear about parameters of behavior (NC) and ensuing consequences!

I applaud you for being strong and following through with those consequences.

Future birthdays will be better! Happy belated birthday!


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Just Wow.

(((((emotionalgirl)))))

You're really doing great considering. And good for you for the hefty route!!! Can't think of a more deserving guy.

You're awesome!!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Truly
♀ 40715
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((emotionalgirl)))))

I feel you, I hear you...I am now off to be sick.

If this turns out to be my truth I hope I can be as strong as you x


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
LeopoldB
♂ 40606
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn. Just when you think it is safe to go back in the kitchen! Of all things, WH giving bunny boilers a bad name.

(I was going to say, "You must be furry-ous", but then I thought better.)

Sorry about your situation.

Leo


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
brkn_heartd
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending strength to you. It is 740 here...hope you are holding up well.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1683 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
emotionalgirl
♀ 40184
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone....I am doing ok. WH got home from work 40 min ago. Lets just say it was interesting.....

I am actually really proud of myself, he texted off and on all day just to say hi, and stupid tidbits. I didn't text back once. He got home and I told him he was not welcome in "our" home. He asked why? I said go out to the garage and figure it out for yourself. He looked perplexed, but went. He is now in the garage and texting me continually to please come out and talk. After about the 10th text I told him to text his "friend" if he needed to talk so badly as that seems to be what he always does. I think it just sunk in! He has not texted or come to the door for the last 10 min.

Our garage is heated with a couch, it's his man cave so he can sleep out there as far as I am concerned. If he does come in after I go to bed....whatever, I have moved back to the spare room.

I have written a letter informing him that I am done and we can live an in house separation or he can move out. It is up to him, but I have written that I am finished with his bullshit, 3 people do not a marriage make. I have also noted that I will be seeking legal advice. Since he thinks he has done nothing wrong, I am sure he will think I am bluffing. Guess he will get a surprise won't he.

Thank you everyone for support...and Leo, I thought the joke was cute. Just what I needed. I likely won't post for a few days until I can figure out what is going on.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
PricklePatch
♀ 34041
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs stay strong


BS
Fwh
sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 329 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
courageous
♀ 34477
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Emotional gal). Good for you for standing up for yourself! I know that is really hard to do. You deserve so much more than being second place in your own marriage. Don't let him convince you otherwise or that it's all in your head.... My exwh did that to me and I'm still upset with myself for falling for it.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 659 | Registered: Jan 2012
storm77
♀ 40277
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry this is happening, but just wanted to say that you are awesome.


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((emotionalgirl))))

I'm so sorry.

Please keep us posted when you can...

You are going to be okay...after you get rid of the poison in your life.

Hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5148 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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