Me:BS Married 12 years, together 22
In brief, WH has/had a EA with co-worker. We are trying R. Going extremely slow as she is still in contact with him as they work in same department although she's moving job position shortly (think he loved/s the attention, like they all do, as well as being in the middle of a MLC).
Now, he is very protective of me and ever since D day I've tried to ask him what he'd do if roles were reversed, how he would feel? He keeps saying 'I don't know'. Now, as we're struggling to iron out matters, I unable to stop using opportunities to make little comments about the A. ie. WH: Why didn't you bother mentioning that you were going with so and so to circus with kids? Me: I don't know, perhaps the same reason you didn't mention you went out to dinner with work collegues (including OP) instead of doing overtime like you said you were doing!
So, he's taken to making comments now and again such as 'when you finished on your phone talking to your "boyfriend", I'm here' as I spend a lot of time on SI reading, which he's not aware of nor asked about or 'who are you off to see NOW?' as I work from home with my own children and go out a lot to entertain them so I always have children in tow. Now I'm tired of these comments as I'm not actually doing anything wrong (so deflecting his wrongs onto me perhaps?) as every time he's said these sort of things I replied 'I would never dream of doing anything like that to you or never will, I know how painful it is'. Now I'm just going along with it and now my 'new boyfriend' had even got a name. .... He seems really unsure of how serious I am! Now here's the question. Do I just continue letting him believe what he wants to believe or do I go back to 'I would never do. ..... blah blah blah'? Of course there is nobody else but is nice to see him concerned about me. It's nice to think that he thinks someone else appreciates me as well but don't know if it's right and helpful to R?
Whilst saying all this, I'm feeling rather apprehensive about the upcoming Christmas party. His position doesn't allow for him to not attend but once again this year partners are not invited and I'm having terrible trouble with this because it was last year at the Christmas party that all this started with the OW trying to kiss him and the EA developing from there. Gauranteed she will be there, there is going to be a lot of alcohol consumption and we're just going to going around in a vicious circle. Please tell me how I tell him how unhappy this makes me?
Sorry for rambling. Putting all my thoughts down to hopefully make sense of it all!!!!
Him: WH- EA/PA with engaged COW = AP ideal: fiancé, WH and her in commune together (WTF?).
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't st