H has a "friend" from work that I found hundreds of texts (on our phone logs) to recently, had barely ever heard her name mentioned before so this was shocking. He swears it was just friends, but I don't know. All these texts were on weekends, evenings while with me etc. I feel it would help me to talk to her but he doesn't want to involve work in our issues which I do understand. She knows I have issue with the texting because he has told her to stop...
Really examine your motivation in wanting to reach out to her before you take any action.
This is it. The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let's see what we're made of, you and I.
― The Doctor
Not in yours. You cannot trust this woman. You don't know the status of your marriage and she will have no incentive to help you. She will tell your husband and their relationship will go underground and you will never get any info.
Read the 180 and consider doing that. He is continuing to cheat and confronting the OW in that instance is not helpful.
Gather your information in other ways if you feel you need more. Get cell phone logs, hack into his phone, email, facebook, use a keylogger, whatever you can to get your info and confront him.
IMO, he is cheating, no doubt. What that happens, he and his AP view YOU as the outsider. She is never going to tell you the truth and together they will figure out a way to hide things even better.
After reading your other post, I would think that this is the time to tread carefully and thoughtfully.
Your H has done more things than it would take for me to think that he is not telling the truth. Not saying that he IS lying, but personally I would seriously doubt that you are getting the WHOLE truth. His porn pics and hook-up site use on the net is enough to make me throw him out if I were married to him.
Are you dealing with this or has it been pushed under the rug?
If you are ready for the truth, then continue investigating, but speaking to possible OW may only serve to make more secrecy between them necessary.
It might be helpful to find out if she is married. The texting may not mean a physical affair has happened, but it sounds like it could be heading that way. In any case, the texting sounds extremely inappropriate and dangerous. if she is married, I think her husband should know about it also.
As far as "involving work in our issues", he has already done that.
If his top priority is not to protect you and your marriage, he may already have checked out.
I feel it would help me to talk to her
Why do you feel it would help?
Do you feel that she would give you more clear answers as to what is going on?
Do you want to tell her to stop?
he doesn't want to involve work in our issues
See, this I would be suspicious of. I would be willing to bet he is not being completely honest with you and he is highly against you contacting her because he doesn't want for you to discover more.
She knows I have issue with the texting because he has told her to stop
How would she know this? Did you see the texts he sent her telling her to stop, or did he tell you he told her to stop texting? It seems to me that if he told her to stop, he has been giving her mixed messages by telling her to stop one day and then texting her back hundreds of times the next. I would be willing to bet that this isn't entirely true either.
I doubt contacting her would be helpful to you. If I were you, I would bug his phone so you can read texts. Keep a recorder in his car, so you can hear conversations. Put a key logger on the computer so you can read e-mails. Gather more information and then confront HIM, not her.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
Read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Very helpful and eye-opening.
How much are you willing to put up with?