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Dealing with someone down

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9.10.11 posted 11/11/2013 13:31 PM

Woman I've been see'n has been down in the dumps since friday. Job stress, kid stress, and I'm sure I probably add to it. So last night I get the whole "you deserve someone better, yada yada yada". She says she doesn't know what she wants right now but she needs to fix her own unhappiness. So I ask if she wants to me to leave her alone, and if she is "dump'n" me(in a joke'n manner)with the whole "it's not you it's me" bit. She says she doesn't know what she wants right now, she is sad and hurt. I tell her to "unload" on me and I will listen, what I'm here for. She does and it's all about her job, not liking the town she lives in, etc. Lucky for me, I don't come up.

I try to cheer her up, I do make her laugh...but it's not enough. I ask again if she wants space and for me to leave her alone....she doesn't know what she wants. After talking it's agreed that she "dumped" me and I will leave her alone. I tell her when she figures out what she wants to let me know. Ends nice, all is ok.

Today I could tell she is happier, she texted me many times. I respond in a friendly manner, but nothing extra. Then she askes if I want to go to a game with her saturday. I'm caught off guard, stumble, and before I answer she says "its ok you don't have to go". Then I told her I just need to think about it and I'll let her know asap. I also tell her she might have more fun with someone else. Which is true cause I'm in the dumps after being put there.

I've told her no matter what, I want to stay friends. In my position is it best for her to be away from me, or should I be the friend that goes with her? At this point, I really don't know what I want.

So, she's down, sad, depressed. will I add to it going? How do you deal with someone like this. I just want the best for her right now since she is sad.

I sure wish women came with directions. hahaha

better4me posted 11/11/2013 13:50 PM

So on Friday this happens:

After talking it's agreed that she "dumped" me and I will leave her alone. I tell her when she figures out what she wants to let me know. Ends nice, all is ok.

And on Monday this happens:
Then she askes if I want to go to a game with her saturday.

You, my dear 9.10.11, are getting mixed messages! And mixed messages drive me CRAZY!

I think this is still true

she doesn't know what she wants.
and until she does, you are going to get tossed around like a beach ball. If it were me, I'd tell her gently(in a phone call, not a text) to take some time to think about what she really wants regarding a relationship with you, that you will leave her alone to think about it, and that you will get in touch with next week.

We teach people how to treat us you know, and if you respond by going out with her to the game on Saturday, you are allowing her to treat you like you have no feelings and that your feelings of being down in the dumps matter less than her's. And, she can't miss you unless you go away...

I know we womenz can be kind of difficult to understand, (men can be too!!) but if we don't "call people out" on their mixed messages, we will keep experiencing this type of behavior! Sometimes others need to be "taught" how their behavior affects us...

Good luck. Phew.

Ready_to_run posted 11/11/2013 17:28 PM

This one is fairly easy to decipher...I think. She still obviously likes you and wants to see you. Just not as a couple. She is happier because the pressure is off and there are no expectations.

If you are OK with this I say relax and have some fun. If this will leave you only wanting more than it is best to pass as she obviously does not at this point.

Maxiom posted 11/11/2013 20:38 PM

As evident by this site in general, many people are just downright horrible at break ups. Make no mistake, she broke up with you. I dont think she is confused at all. I think she knows exactly what she is doing. She's pulling some strings to see if you dance. This whole crap with the invite only to tell you later that "you don't need to go" screams of emotional immaturity. Its a big desire for an ego boost mixed in with a desire for drama.

Personally, I would let her go. Call her on her crap and ask her to lose your number.

missherlots posted 11/11/2013 20:55 PM

the easieest problem in SI history to be resolved.

you two should be apart from each other until maturity, whatever it takes.

the story is like a high school drama.

Leave the drama for the llama.

You are not ok, she is not ok, but it is ok.

take time to get your act together and move on before it becomes toxic if not already is.

My two very sincere cents.

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