SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Blackhair posted 11/11/2013 14:10 PM

I have been on OLD site for a while but mostly browsing, never met anyone till recently I met a guy who seems very down to earth, we have been chatting over a month, he asked me out for coffee a couple of times in a very polite way, so I can tell he is kind of shy.

Anyways I met him a week ago, he seems a very nice person, we chatted over an hour, he was a bit nervous, so am I. We have been texting a bit after that. I sent him an email saying I enjoyed it.

Last night we had the second date, again we chatted for 1.5 hours, turn out his wife walked away from him 18 years ago, he has been raising his two children by himself. Because of ir he is very close to his children, both are adults now and moved out.

He mentioned that he won't be on OLD any more, he did deleted his profile. It is nice to see him ver serious, kind of cute, he was too shy to ask me out for a hockey game, he texted me last night, I replied " I would love to", then he asked me to go to his company Christmas Party, I love to go out and have some fun, plus he seems a nice gentleman.

But same time I felt it is a bit too much too soon. Like everyone said I should not start to date this early. I totally agree. I will take baby steps. But I do enjoy the company, the attention.
By no means I am not ready to sleep with him, I am very conservative that way. If he leaves, that is fine.

Love his blue eyes...hehe...

It is good to feel in control and see where this going......I might go to his Xmas party too.

Will keep posting some updates here....

numbandnauseous posted 11/11/2013 17:03 PM

Blackhair - I am so happy for you! Thanks for posting this.

Wiser ones will be along soon, but I do feel that he is getting pretty intense quickly. Deleting his OLD profile? Inviting you to his work Christmas party whiich is many weeks away?

At the same time, I am very happy for you, but it sounds like you need to slow him down a little.

Williesmom posted 11/11/2013 19:15 PM

Christmas party after a 2nd date? Yikes.
I'm glad that you like him, though.

Shockleader posted 11/11/2013 20:49 PM

It's nice to read a happy story! Best of luck, keep at the baby steps, and enjoy your NB and new life.

Blackhair posted 11/26/2013 01:21 AM

A bit update...
We had more coffee dates and had dinner once too. Tomorrow is his BD, we are having a drive to the Rocky mountains, we are both excited about the day trip.

He told me he cleaned his car today inside out for the trip, which is nice of him.

He is very nice and very polite gentleman, we have been talking/ texting a lot lately.
He is those too nice kind of guy, so afraid to upset me, he even texted me asking me if okay to hold my hands when we are going to do a bit hike, it is cute/silly i think, I had a good laugh at it, but I told him we will see... Still a bit too much, too soon, but do like the genuine side of him.

I am looking forward to spending more time with him and getting to know him, enjoying his company tomorrow.

InnerLight posted 11/26/2013 01:27 AM

Is there a way you can verify his stories and do some research on this guy? He sounds nice but I'm thinking about safety. It could be bec I've been watching too many cop shows.

Phoenix1 posted 11/26/2013 16:14 PM

If you are enjoying his company, then go for it! Keep the speed at your comfort level, but otherwise enjoy!

dindy posted 11/28/2013 07:05 AM

How exciting! :)

I am definitely going to start dating after my one year antiversary in January.

I'm not looking for anything serious, just looking forward to going for dinner with a nice guy (hopefully!) and have some nice conversation. Who knows what will happen.

Good luck! :)

Blackhair posted 11/30/2013 15:53 PM

We had great time on his BD, we went to the Rockies, he was flattered that I spent a day with him on his BD.

Had more coffee dates, he texted me every day.
He has a decent job, own a very cute/cozy little place, last night we also went to his company Xmas dinner. He was so happy I went with him.
We also talked about more detailed how his X left him with two children and he had been single for 12 years raising two kids.

I enjoyed spending time with him, he is a gentleman, very serious about us, but I do felt he is very insecure and talked about a lot about "our" future. Which I am not ready for that yet.

I do not want to hurt him but do felt a bit pressure if it does not work out in the end.

Or i really do not know what I want??!!

cmego posted 11/30/2013 16:23 PM

Trust your gut. Best thing to do is just talk to him about how you are feeling. Honesty and communication. Simply tell him you are feeling pressure, and why, and you would like things to slow down a bit...see what he does.

kg201 posted 12/1/2013 09:51 AM

I agree with cmego. Tell him how you are feeling about the speed. If he is a gentleman and shy he will hear you. I started dating again a couple of months after dday, and now have decided to explore a relationship with one woman (I couldn't handle the craziness of multiple dates that OLD can bring). Our main approach has been to be very open about how we are feeling about the relationship, because it is so quick. She is in the process of divorcing and doesn't have an infidelity history like me, but she is also being cautious.

So the message to you (and me) is to have fun, and open. It is hard for those of us that have gone through infidelity in our pasts, but openness is important. Also here is a ted talk that I found helpful in thinking about what I want in the future.

www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Dec 23, 2010
Brené Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant ...

Blackhair posted 12/3/2013 03:53 AM

I did watched the video, it is a great one, thanks for sharing.