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Newest Member: Anderson78

New Beginnings :
I am glad I went on my first Date since DDay!

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happy

 Blackhair (original poster member #39451) posted at 8:10 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013

I have been on OLD site for a while but mostly browsing, never met anyone till recently I met a guy who seems very down to earth, we have been chatting over a month, he asked me out for coffee a couple of times in a very polite way, so I can tell he is kind of shy.

Anyways I met him a week ago, he seems a very nice person, we chatted over an hour, he was a bit nervous, so am I. We have been texting a bit after that. I sent him an email saying I enjoyed it.

Last night we had the second date, again we chatted for 1.5 hours, turn out his wife walked away from him 18 years ago, he has been raising his two children by himself. Because of ir he is very close to his children, both are adults now and moved out.

He mentioned that he won't be on OLD any more, he did deleted his profile. It is nice to see him ver serious, kind of cute, he was too shy to ask me out for a hockey game, he texted me last night, I replied " I would love to", then he asked me to go to his company Christmas Party, I love to go out and have some fun, plus he seems a nice gentleman.

But same time I felt it is a bit too much too soon. Like everyone said I should not start to date this early. I totally agree. I will take baby steps. But I do enjoy the company, the attention.

By no means I am not ready to sleep with him, I am very conservative that way. If he leaves, that is fine.

Love his blue eyes...hehe...

It is good to feel in control and see where this going......I might go to his Xmas party too.

Will keep posting some updates here....

M: 10 years both late 40s.
3 Children
DDay: April 2013
Legally separated on Oct 2013.
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 5th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6557913
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numbandnauseous ( member #34525) posted at 11:03 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013

Blackhair - I am so happy for you! Thanks for posting this.

Wiser ones will be along soon, but I do feel that he is getting pretty intense quickly. Deleting his OLD profile? Inviting you to his work Christmas party whiich is many weeks away?

At the same time, I am very happy for you, but it sounds like you need to slow him down a little.

BS (me) - 50
WH - 58, EA with HS GF x 2, now deceased
M: 15 years, T: 20, divorced
2 teenage children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)

posts: 828   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2012   ·   location: the other side
id 6558155
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 1:15 AM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013

Christmas party after a 2nd date? Yikes.

I'm glad that you like him, though.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6558313
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Shockleader ( member #36827) posted at 2:49 AM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013

It's nice to read a happy story! Best of luck, keep at the baby steps, and enjoy your NB and new life.

D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 53
Xcheater... Who cares.
One DD 25
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...

posts: 678   ·   registered: Sep. 13th, 2012
id 6558397
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 Blackhair (original poster member #39451) posted at 7:21 AM on Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

A bit update...

We had more coffee dates and had dinner once too. Tomorrow is his BD, we are having a drive to the Rocky mountains, we are both excited about the day trip.

He told me he cleaned his car today inside out for the trip, which is nice of him.

He is very nice and very polite gentleman, we have been talking/ texting a lot lately.

He is those too nice kind of guy, so afraid to upset me, he even texted me asking me if okay to hold my hands when we are going to do a bit hike, it is cute/silly i think, I had a good laugh at it, but I told him we will see... Still a bit too much, too soon, but do like the genuine side of him.

I am looking forward to spending more time with him and getting to know him, enjoying his company tomorrow.

M: 10 years both late 40s.
3 Children
DDay: April 2013
Legally separated on Oct 2013.
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 5th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6574875
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InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 7:27 AM on Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

Is there a way you can verify his stories and do some research on this guy? He sounds nice but I'm thinking about safety. It could be bec I've been watching too many cop shows.

BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

posts: 6688   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2008   ·   location: Rural California
id 6574877
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 10:14 PM on Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

If you are enjoying his company, then go for it! Keep the speed at your comfort level, but otherwise enjoy!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 6575686
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dindy ( member #38424) posted at 1:05 PM on Thursday, November 28th, 2013

How exciting! :)

I am definitely going to start dating after my one year antiversary in January.

I'm not looking for anything serious, just looking forward to going for dinner with a nice guy (hopefully!) and have some nice conversation. Who knows what will happen.

Good luck! :)

posts: 459   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2013   ·   location: uk
id 6577742
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 Blackhair (original poster member #39451) posted at 9:53 PM on Saturday, November 30th, 2013

We had great time on his BD, we went to the Rockies, he was flattered that I spent a day with him on his BD.

Had more coffee dates, he texted me every day.

He has a decent job, own a very cute/cozy little place, last night we also went to his company Xmas dinner. He was so happy I went with him.

We also talked about more detailed how his X left him with two children and he had been single for 12 years raising two kids.

I enjoyed spending time with him, he is a gentleman, very serious about us, but I do felt he is very insecure and talked about a lot about "our" future. Which I am not ready for that yet.

I do not want to hurt him but do felt a bit pressure if it does not work out in the end.

Or i really do not know what I want??!!

M: 10 years both late 40s.
3 Children
DDay: April 2013
Legally separated on Oct 2013.
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 5th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6579724
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cmego ( member #30346) posted at 10:23 PM on Saturday, November 30th, 2013

Trust your gut. Best thing to do is just talk to him about how you are feeling. Honesty and communication. Simply tell him you are feeling pressure, and why, and you would like things to slow down a bit...see what he does.

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6579745
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kg201 ( member #40173) posted at 3:51 PM on Sunday, December 1st, 2013

I agree with cmego. Tell him how you are feeling about the speed. If he is a gentleman and shy he will hear you. I started dating again a couple of months after dday, and now have decided to explore a relationship with one woman (I couldn't handle the craziness of multiple dates that OLD can bring). Our main approach has been to be very open about how we are feeling about the relationship, because it is so quick. She is in the process of divorcing and doesn't have an infidelity history like me, but she is also being cautious.

So the message to you (and me) is to have fun, and open. It is hard for those of us that have gone through infidelity in our pasts, but openness is important. Also here is a ted talk that I found helpful in thinking about what I want in the future.

www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Dec 23, 2010

Brené Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant ...

Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

posts: 1155   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2013
id 6580369
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 Blackhair (original poster member #39451) posted at 9:53 AM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

I did watched the video, it is a great one, thanks for sharing.

M: 10 years both late 40s.
3 Children
DDay: April 2013
Legally separated on Oct 2013.
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 5th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6582308
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