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Iamacrab (original poster member #40410) posted at 1:24 AM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
Just annoying. I recently found something again that used to make me happy, and STBXH would really be the best person to understand this, and my first inclination would be to tell him and that sucks bc it means I'm not even moving forward like I should be. Why do I want to tell him? He's just being a jerk, messaging me w things like "I thought you should know my gram is in the hospital" what.the.fuck STBXH, why should I know? We're divorcing, she was wonderful to me but you are her grandson so I lose. I love her and I get to lose her too. (And now she's dying so clearly I'll lose her)
Yet he really would get this thing, he'd still find it funny. And I would too. How the hell was I so clueless about our life being not what he wanted when all these little things I KNOW he'd laugh at, smile about? What.the.fuck.
Pass ( member #38122) posted at 5:16 AM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
That sucks, crab. The Princess was my best friend and confidante, and now she has to be nothing to me. It does get easier.
I have slowly replaced her, for as many things as possible, with my friends, acquaintances, and online friends. The only things I haven't replaced are wife and lover. Some day, I'll have somebody new for those as well.
Eventually, you won't think about wanting to tell him these things. Until that happens though, yes, it really does hurt.
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 4:13 PM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
It is one of the hardest things to overcome when you divorce. Not only are you losing your best friend and confidant, but also the WS's family in most cases. It does get easier with the passage of the dreaded "time" and eventually indifference.
Eventually you will meet someone again and all the things that you wanted to tell him, you will be able to tell someone else. In the meantime share with your family and friends that care about you. (((Hugs)))
XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 4:19 PM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
I get this, crab. Wasband and I were together for more than half my life. That's a whole lot of shared memories, inside jokes - a whole lot of context - that I don't have with anyone else. There are times when I feel the loss of the person who had that context very deeply. So sorry to hear about your STBX's gram. ((((iamacrab))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
still2suspicious ( member #31722) posted at 4:24 PM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
Yep I get this too.
I have been M almost 40 yrs!! So he has been my go-to guy my whole life, since HS.
Now when I have something to share I think "wait a minute, it's a waste of time" so I don't.
Heartbreaking.
I am sorry about your tbx's gramma.
Me: BSHim: WHDDay: LTEA Every storm runs out of rain - Gary Allen
D final 2/23
Artemisia ( member #40564) posted at 5:01 PM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
Yes, this breaks my heart too. I feel like I'm left holding the bag full of all of our history and shared memories. It's a really lonely place to be.
I'm guessing this is just another one of those things that takes a ton of time but does get better. (ughhh). Letting go of that old language with him to make room for a new one with other people - friends, family, ourselves.
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