SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Iamacrab posted 11/11/2013 19:24 PM

Just annoying. I recently found something again that used to make me happy, and STBXH would really be the best person to understand this, and my first inclination would be to tell him and that sucks bc it means I'm not even moving forward like I should be. Why do I want to tell him? He's just being a jerk, messaging me w things like "I thought you should know my gram is in the hospital" what.the.fuck STBXH, why should I know? We're divorcing, she was wonderful to me but you are her grandson so I lose. I love her and I get to lose her too. (And now she's dying so clearly I'll lose her)
Yet he really would get this thing, he'd still find it funny. And I would too. How the hell was I so clueless about our life being not what he wanted when all these little things I KNOW he'd laugh at, smile about? What.the.fuck.

Pass posted 11/11/2013 23:16 PM

That sucks, crab. The Princess was my best friend and confidante, and now she has to be nothing to me. It does get easier.

I have slowly replaced her, for as many things as possible, with my friends, acquaintances, and online friends. The only things I haven't replaced are wife and lover. Some day, I'll have somebody new for those as well.

Eventually, you won't think about wanting to tell him these things. Until that happens though, yes, it really does hurt.

TrustGone posted 11/12/2013 10:13 AM

It is one of the hardest things to overcome when you divorce. Not only are you losing your best friend and confidant, but also the WS's family in most cases. It does get easier with the passage of the dreaded "time" and eventually indifference.

Eventually you will meet someone again and all the things that you wanted to tell him, you will be able to tell someone else. In the meantime share with your family and friends that care about you. (((Hugs)))

nowiknow23 posted 11/12/2013 10:19 AM

I get this, crab. Wasband and I were together for more than half my life. That's a whole lot of shared memories, inside jokes - a whole lot of context - that I don't have with anyone else. There are times when I feel the loss of the person who had that context very deeply. So sorry to hear about your STBX's gram. ((((iamacrab))))

still2suspicious posted 11/12/2013 10:24 AM

Yep I get this too.

I have been M almost 40 yrs!! So he has been my go-to guy my whole life, since HS.

Now when I have something to share I think "wait a minute, it's a waste of time" so I don't.

Heartbreaking.

I am sorry about your tbx's gramma.

Artemisia posted 11/12/2013 11:01 AM

Yes, this breaks my heart too. I feel like I'm left holding the bag full of all of our history and shared memories. It's a really lonely place to be.

I'm guessing this is just another one of those things that takes a ton of time but does get better. (ughhh). Letting go of that old language with him to make room for a new one with other people - friends, family, ourselves.