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Notdaniel posted 11/11/2013 21:20 PM

Always a difficult feeling when you feel so far away from your BS and knowing you are the cause of it. Decorated for Christmas and had a fun family evening. I am typing now because of my selfish guilt. That then becomes a trigger of lonliness that I created. Today seemed ok for BS but I know that she will feel sad later. I don't feel the self-pity, I feel her hurt and brokeness. If i could end it I would.

In other uselness personal news, the other person who is pregnant has stated that she wil only contact about doctor visits. In the end, the situation is much more complex than I can hope to imagine. I really need this SI site. I don't have an "accountability" partner or friend so i guess strangers who might understand will do. I don't mind getting blasted by BS. Not to feel low but I read the other forums to gain a better grasp of my BS. I can't fix it..but i need to know...

TrulySad posted 11/12/2013 16:03 PM

It's only just now starting. I've been the BW in a 22 yr marriage, a BGF in a 3 yr relationship, and am now a BGF again. I've been through this before, and to find myself in it again is almost unbearable. You need to keep feeling your BW's pain.

How long has she known?
Are you being completely transparent and honest now?
Where does you BW stand?
Are you both trying to R?

There are so many things you need to be doing. Read here, and learn. Don't wait for your wife to tell you what to do. If you truly feel remorse and want to make things work... you must take the initiative.

Also, has she joined this site? I know it's hard for both sides to allow the other to view what's been written, and then the responses. But it's been a life saver for me, as a B. And while it's hard to read sometimes, you just have to learn to take the advice that applies to you, and respect the ones that don't. Everyone here is hurting, and I truly believe we all mean well.

I wish you and your family some better times, with the holidays ahead.

[This message edited by TrulySad at 4:04 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

Jrazz posted 11/12/2013 23:33 PM

Nobody here has the right to "blast" you, Notdaniel.

It's a brave thing to come here, admit what you did, and ask for help.

This has been a great place of comfort as well as accountability for me.

Are you open to reading books? There are several that have helped pull my FWH out of his guilt and into a more productive space. "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" by Linda MacDonald is a great starter for perspective.

I'm glad you all were able to have a good family night. It CAN be ok, if you commit to the work and faithfulness required to piece your family back together. You can do it.

Notdaniel posted 11/15/2013 20:26 PM

Are you open to reading books? There are several that have helped pull my FWH out of his guilt and into a more productive space. "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" by Linda MacDonald is a great starter for perspective

I will read these. I am being transparent with whomever contacts me. I hurt for her so I am trying to tell her things before she asks or just share. day at a time..

silverhopes posted 11/15/2013 22:30 PM

Do your BW and you have a plan in place for how to handle the possible pregnancy and child from the affair? Now is the time, more than any time, to work hard to build your communication with each other, to work hard on R if you're aiming that way, so that you two can stand as a team.

Do you keep a journal? It might help to write down your feelings, because acknowledging them is a healing process.

How are you all doing now, at the end of this week?

Notdaniel posted 11/18/2013 20:52 PM

We are working on a plan. I actually type my thoughts on the journal option provided by SI. I can cut and paste later if I need to, onto a word document.

There are so many layers to this that are unique I can't begin to describe it. But my wife is working things out with me and I am appreciative. We are working and the contact with the OP is limited to only pregnancy communication. It was both an EA and PA that led to this so...sigh.

i tell you...

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