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I'm Pathetic

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careerlady posted 11/12/2013 00:04 AM

I filed papers on STBX (I need a nickname for him) 11/2 and things have been up and down since. He is still here and we are being cordial although it was initially bad. I also called OW on 11/2 but she hung up on me and didn't respond to my texts. I noticed on the new phone bill that on the evening of 11/2 OW initiates texting and there is a flurry of texts. I get excited thinking it's probably about me and the affair and I finally get to know if she knew, etc. I stole his phone one last time and used the deleted text spyware (Wonderfone). However, it didn't seem to capture those texts just some later boring ones! I am SO upset and I'm realizing that spying on him has been giving me like a little thrill and pick me up and with this failed attempt I have nothing and I feel so sad and alone and pathetic. That is all

lemony.2008 posted 11/12/2013 00:54 AM

(((((careerlady)))))

I'm sorry you're hurting, sending big hugs...

Pass posted 11/12/2013 08:38 AM

That really sucks, CL. Trust me, they've been discussing you.

The day will come when you won't care if they are, and it will make you very happy.

7yrsflushed posted 11/12/2013 08:59 AM

Sorry you are hurting.

If you are headed for D then please try to 180 and detach as best you can. The sooner you can do this the better you will feel. It's especially tough if you end up in an in-house S situation. If you are filing then your WH may feel like it's okay to no longer hide things. So try to 180 and no more checking up on him. Try to focus on you now and take time to do things you want to do as you start towards your new life without him. Yes it sucks, it will hurt, and it will be tough but you can do it. It does get easier. Keep posting, it really does help. I wish you the best.

anewday78 posted 11/12/2013 09:16 AM

Trust me, they've been discussing you.
The day will come when you won't care if they are, and it will make you very happy.
Better yet, the day will come when they have absolutely nothing to discuss about you. What will they have then? I'll tell you - the reality of their ugly situation. They'll now have to face each other as the despicable, lying, cheating, soul-suckers they are. I wonder who will devour who first?

Darcy3 posted 11/12/2013 10:20 AM

Don't feel pathetic. I know how hard the not knowing everything is. With all the lying that they do it's hard not to want to know the truth. Always giving them that benefit of doubt, because the reality of how he is lying to you is so hard to comprehend, and they are just so damn good with the lies that you can't help but want to believe them, because who could lie like that.

I have never really put to much of my focus on the ow. Until a couple months ago I really didn't know that much about her, and didn't want to. What I have learned now is only because I have been talking some to her stbx. But really it doesn't matter if she knew or not....he knew. You might never know what she knew. Because if she did she will more than likely lie about it also.

He is the one who was suppose to protect you and put you first, and if he had done that you wouldn't be here. She really is not worth your time or effort. I think the ow my stbx is with is a pos, and I think because of all her lis and the way she manipulates people she is one of the reasons he rarely sees his kids, but he is allowing that. Ultimately it is all on him.

Really, if she knew or not doesn't really matter....he knew.


StillLivin posted 11/12/2013 13:23 PM

You are NOT pathetic. I've read your posts.
You are a wonderful human being that gave 110% to a POS cheating H.
When you give that much, it takes a while to take back some of yourself. You don't get yourself back all at once. You just don't because it takes time to give that much of yourself away.
If you can find the strength, pretend he is a stranger. Who cares to spy on a stranger's phone. Do you best to NC him, and 180 when you have no other choice than to be in his presence.
At this point you have taken a huge, heavy fall. You are just rolling over and trying to get back up. Soon, you will be dusting yourself off. Right after that, you will take your first wobbly steps forward.
You are awesome and he is a big fat nothing loser, make that your mantra!

Lost15 posted 11/12/2013 13:57 PM

Better yet, the day will come when they have absolutely nothing to discuss about you. What will they have then? I'll tell you - the reality of their ugly situation. They'll now have to face each other as the despicable, lying, cheating, soul-suckers they are. I wonder who will devour who first?

This is how I feel about my STBXH and ow. They won't have any one to blame any more and then what. They are the pathetic ones, not you.

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