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Newest Member: Romulus (45761)

User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

Today, November 12, is my first anti-versary. In honor of myself and my having come so far since that day--the beginning of the end--I am starting a new thread.

And it is in honor of all of you as well, without whose support I truly can see myself still in the hell of limbo where I stayed way too long. Thank you so much for your patience with me in those dark early days when I was in utter denial and caught in the throes of hope as I fought desperately to save my family. Thank you for your 2x4s, your wisdom, your anger for me, your legal advice... Just, Thank You.

I consider all of you my friends.

Mod, please close my other thread! :-)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1679 | Registered: Dec 2012
Thefly559
♂ 40268
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the same!! In the beginning when I was in hell you we're one I remember pulling me out. So now that I have reached purgatory I thank you. Hopefully to be back in heaven soon.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 711 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. It's been a year. And a hell of a year, too.

I'm glad you stuck around--the changes have been remarkable.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9044 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, I think you've come such a long way, you could probably teach a seminar at SI U.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17713 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, I think you've come such a long way, you could probably teach a seminar at SI U

I second that!

You've come a long way...and we are all so proud of you for that.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5154 | Registered: May 2007
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((AD)))

You have come a long long way!!!!

I can remember reading your posts, and feeling such frustration at your inability to see the situation for what it was.

I am happy to report that you not only see it for what it is now, you understand the potential for how great your life can be now.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have come such a long way AD. We are so proud of you. Keep up the good work and keep reaching for the stars.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're doing very well,AD. Stay strong.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7916 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
still2suspicious
♀ 31722
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember your first threads, and my heart would just cry for you.

But, oh what a difference a year makes!!

Now I read them and am so proud of you.

Keep it up AD. You are doing great!

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1330 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:07 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A day to celebrate not just how far you've come but also where you are at right now.

It is sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees - we've all been there.

Your threads would have helped a lot of people too - please remember that.

((Abbondad)) Here's to this road to healing.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's to the future AD


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
allatsea
♂ 38923
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2013 has been a shitty year for you.

I know you feel the same when I say that I never wanted to meet any of you, but I'm so glad I did.

I am thankful to the internet and the creators of SI.

Well done Abb, we are travelling this road together in so many ways. I truly hope we meet up with our children, one day soon, and we laugh and console in equal measure (and consume a few beers).

I will Skype on Sunday to update you about the latest crazy


You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it

Posts: 740 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone!

I can remember reading your posts, and feeling such frustration at your inability to see the situation for what it was.

Tushnurse,

There were so many posts along the way that gave me a nudge in the right direction--out of limbo--but one of yours (I'm quite sure it was yours) always stuck with me. It was on a Monday morning. I don't recall what horrors and humiliation I'd endured the previous week, but I hadn't posted for awhile.

Your post said something like "I have been wondering to myself if he (abbondad) has had enough pain yet."

I had not, apparently, at that point, as I stayed more months. But your post echoed in my mind and I remember driving saying aloud to myself, "Have you had enough pain yet? What is next? What will be too much?"

And then finally one day it was too much. I guess as my IC says, "You needed to stay as long as you needed to stay. For some it was too long; others would have stayed longer."

Moving on... Still in pain, but now with pride.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1679 | Registered: Dec 2012
Bravenewgirl
♀ 36267
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dad,

I wanted to chime in an applaud you for your amazing progress and your awe-inspiring inner strength.

It takes a real man to seek help when he is suffering.

I don't post often anymore, as there are many infidelity Yodas here on SI who are wiser than me, but know that I am following your story and rooting for you with everything I have.

Onward!

BNG


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbondad, sometime I would read your posts and the exact same things would have happened with my WS. The messages from everyone helped me, too. And you continuing to push thru the pain to get to a point of stability for your children, (even with some of the 2x4s you were getting) was an inspiration to me.


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2330 | Registered: Jan 2012
velveteer
♂ 30997
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow AD - a year!!!I can hardly believe this. And yes your progress through through this has been at times painful to see but then so encouraging and inspiring to others behind you on the road. You can be proud of yourself and how far you have come. Keep on the path.

V


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Velveteer,

You were among my "first responders." You gave me some of the harder-hitting advice. I just wasn't ready at that time, for whatever reason--my own issues I suppose. But I do thank you. You sure were right.

On another issue, all: we finally have a hearing date for temporary relief--December freakin 17. Unbelievable. Another month of no schedule, STBXWW essentially refusing to "let me" have the kids on any weekends, no financial support from Ms. Six-figures, coming to the house... (Yes, I am changing the locks this week.). But at least it's a date.

She is most certainly pregnant: DD told me last night, "Mommy is having a baby with her boyfriend." Plus when I saw her she sure looked pregnant.

I emailed my attorney, asking "will the fact that she is pregnant have any bearing on my case?"

She wrote back simply, "Oh yeah."

Not sure what that means yet....


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1679 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

even with some of the 2x4s you were getting...

And man, those 2x4s hurt. None of you really understood. My situation was different. I really loved my spouse. None of you could possibly have loved yours like I did mine. And she still really really loved me. Didn't the fact that she didn't want a divorce prove that? Yeah, she won't commit to stopping her adultery, but she just needs space, time, change, freedom... You all didn't "quite" understand.... But you did. And I knew you did. Denial is a powerful, powerful defense mechanism.

I am so glad my story has helped anyone.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1679 | Registered: Dec 2012
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I imagine that your story has helped a lot of people.

Will be following Part 5 with much interest and good thoughts for you and the kids.


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18371 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
DixieD
♀ 33457
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, I don't think I've posted on one of your threads since you posted in General, but I've been reading.

I missed the pregnancy part somewhere though

(((Abbondad)))

You have come a long way. Lots to be proud of. Onward and upward!


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
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