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Abbondad Part 5

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Abbondad posted 11/12/2013 05:36 AM

Hi, Everyone,

Today, November 12, is my first anti-versary. In honor of myself and my having come so far since that day--the beginning of the end--I am starting a new thread.

And it is in honor of all of you as well, without whose support I truly can see myself still in the hell of limbo where I stayed way too long. Thank you so much for your patience with me in those dark early days when I was in utter denial and caught in the throes of hope as I fought desperately to save my family. Thank you for your 2x4s, your wisdom, your anger for me, your legal advice... Just, Thank You.

I consider all of you my friends.

Mod, please close my other thread! :-)

Thefly559 posted 11/12/2013 06:05 AM

Thank you for the same!! In the beginning when I was in hell you we're one I remember pulling me out. So now that I have reached purgatory I thank you. Hopefully to be back in heaven soon.

solus sto posted 11/12/2013 08:04 AM

Wow. It's been a year. And a hell of a year, too.

I'm glad you stuck around--the changes have been remarkable.

FaithFool posted 11/12/2013 08:06 AM

AD, I think you've come such a long way, you could probably teach a seminar at SI U.

Lalagirl posted 11/12/2013 08:25 AM

AD, I think you've come such a long way, you could probably teach a seminar at SI U

I second that!

You've come a long way...and we are all so proud of you for that.

tushnurse posted 11/12/2013 08:39 AM


You have come a long long way!!!!

I can remember reading your posts, and feeling such frustration at your inability to see the situation for what it was.

I am happy to report that you not only see it for what it is now, you understand the potential for how great your life can be now.

((((and strength))))

TrustGone posted 11/12/2013 09:04 AM

You have come such a long way AD. We are so proud of you. Keep up the good work and keep reaching for the stars.

confused615 posted 11/12/2013 10:01 AM

You're doing very well,AD. Stay strong.

still2suspicious posted 11/12/2013 10:26 AM

I remember your first threads, and my heart would just cry for you.

But, oh what a difference a year makes!!

Now I read them and am so proud of you.

Keep it up AD. You are doing great!

Sending strength.

SBB posted 11/13/2013 03:07 AM

A day to celebrate not just how far you've come but also where you are at right now.

It is sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees - we've all been there.

Your threads would have helped a lot of people too - please remember that.

((Abbondad)) Here's to this road to healing.

Bluebird26 posted 11/13/2013 04:43 AM

Here's to the future AD

allatsea posted 11/13/2013 05:55 AM

2013 has been a shitty year for you.

I know you feel the same when I say that I never wanted to meet any of you, but I'm so glad I did.

I am thankful to the internet and the creators of SI.

Well done Abb, we are travelling this road together in so many ways. I truly hope we meet up with our children, one day soon, and we laugh and console in equal measure (and consume a few beers).

I will Skype on Sunday to update you about the latest crazy

Abbondad posted 11/13/2013 06:24 AM

Thanks, Everyone!

I can remember reading your posts, and feeling such frustration at your inability to see the situation for what it was.


There were so many posts along the way that gave me a nudge in the right direction--out of limbo--but one of yours (I'm quite sure it was yours) always stuck with me. It was on a Monday morning. I don't recall what horrors and humiliation I'd endured the previous week, but I hadn't posted for awhile.

Your post said something like "I have been wondering to myself if he (abbondad) has had enough pain yet."

I had not, apparently, at that point, as I stayed more months. But your post echoed in my mind and I remember driving saying aloud to myself, "Have you had enough pain yet? What is next? What will be too much?"

And then finally one day it was too much. I guess as my IC says, "You needed to stay as long as you needed to stay. For some it was too long; others would have stayed longer."

Moving on... Still in pain, but now with pride.

Bravenewgirl posted 11/13/2013 07:13 AM


I wanted to chime in an applaud you for your amazing progress and your awe-inspiring inner strength.

It takes a real man to seek help when he is suffering.

I don't post often anymore, as there are many infidelity Yodas here on SI who are wiser than me, but know that I am following your story and rooting for you with everything I have.



homewrecked2011 posted 11/13/2013 07:15 AM

Abbondad, sometime I would read your posts and the exact same things would have happened with my WS. The messages from everyone helped me, too. And you continuing to push thru the pain to get to a point of stability for your children, (even with some of the 2x4s you were getting) was an inspiration to me.

velveteer posted 11/13/2013 16:52 PM

Wow AD - a year!!!I can hardly believe this. And yes your progress through through this has been at times painful to see but then so encouraging and inspiring to others behind you on the road. You can be proud of yourself and how far you have come. Keep on the path.


Abbondad posted 11/13/2013 17:22 PM


You were among my "first responders." You gave me some of the harder-hitting advice. I just wasn't ready at that time, for whatever reason--my own issues I suppose. But I do thank you. You sure were right.

On another issue, all: we finally have a hearing date for temporary relief--December freakin 17. Unbelievable. Another month of no schedule, STBXWW essentially refusing to "let me" have the kids on any weekends, no financial support from Ms. Six-figures, coming to the house... (Yes, I am changing the locks this week.). But at least it's a date.

She is most certainly pregnant: DD told me last night, "Mommy is having a baby with her boyfriend." Plus when I saw her she sure looked pregnant.

I emailed my attorney, asking "will the fact that she is pregnant have any bearing on my case?"

She wrote back simply, "Oh yeah."

Not sure what that means yet....

Abbondad posted 11/13/2013 17:37 PM

even with some of the 2x4s you were getting...

And man, those 2x4s hurt. None of you really understood. My situation was different. I really loved my spouse. None of you could possibly have loved yours like I did mine. And she still really really loved me. Didn't the fact that she didn't want a divorce prove that? Yeah, she won't commit to stopping her adultery, but she just needs space, time, change, freedom... You all didn't "quite" understand.... But you did. And I knew you did. Denial is a powerful, powerful defense mechanism.

I am so glad my story has helped anyone.

Jrazz posted 11/13/2013 17:48 PM

I imagine that your story has helped a lot of people.

Will be following Part 5 with much interest and good thoughts for you and the kids.

DixieD posted 11/13/2013 17:56 PM

AD, I don't think I've posted on one of your threads since you posted in General, but I've been reading.

I missed the pregnancy part somewhere though


You have come a long way. Lots to be proud of. Onward and upward!

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