You really want some peace? This is about having some courage. I will make a suggestion about how to get the results YOU want.
It is time to start talking to your H about this.. You must know in your heart this is good for the marriage. Everything you must do is good for the M.
I would start with very ligth pressure.. Do make this harder than it needs to be. Take this slow..it is your plan for your happy future.
Emptynester3, "I don't feel safe with her in the office. I want you to lay her off (terminate her but let her get unemployment). Now what do you want for dinner?" Now no more responce by you.. NO argue, no debate, no more discussion. If he wants to respond, just listen. COOK away. That will be hard but YOU can do this. Keep it quick and simple.
Then wait for awhile and see what he does...
Give it say.. 2 weeks... Now you lay this on him..
Emptynester3, "Ok, so you don't respect what I want. I am ok with that." Now you 180 the heck out of him. NO SEX.
Give that a month or so..
Then you go buy a book about things like.. What it is like being single again.. relearn what it you need to be single.. Read it right in front of him.
Say nothing in responce if he says anything.
Final.. Is the ultimatum.
Emptynester3, "I will not live in unsafe feelings. Since you want me to feel unsafe, You make are making the choice to D me. I am ok with that.. Will you please move in the other room." Be ok with it. It will be something he wants.
let him make the choice... I feel pretty good if he is still not messing around with her.. You will get postive results. IF you get to the point of utlimatum after those weeks gone by.. Face it, he is still in a relationship with her.
I think you will find your M much stronger if he does what HE MUST DO.
OK.. before the point of utlimatum (by the ultimtum know what I told you so, NO reward.), should he lay her off.. The day it happens.. YOU ROCK HIS WORLD. That will be very attractive to him.
My W.. She knew what to do.. she took a risk and quit her job. I now reward her greatly for making that choice.
[This message edited by trynhard at 2:59 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]