My H is a wreck, cries at every twist and turn,says he doesn't know WHY he did it (on and off for 5 years with same OW http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/images/icons/icon_mad2.gif)couldn't stop it; he's seeing our priest weekly because he needs someone to show him the "right path" H starts IC tomorrow with a psych evaluation; i start IC in 2 days and we have 1st session with MC next week.
Nevertheless, I am now trying to accept the sinking feeling in my stomach that is now PERMANENTLY there and this horrendous state of uncertainty.
I fear for the road ahead because even though I recovered all his deleted emails and I have such excruciatingly disgusting details about the A, I fear that even more will come out with the MC.
I NEVER did anything to be handed this load of shit in my life!And I HATE him for the hell I am now in.
I called one of my best friends and talk to him and that helped a lot. Hopefully you have some one who can lend that ear of just listening.
You have more strength in you than you realize to handle all this shit plus hell you are in. Keep your head up, we all can make it over the hump.
First, you did not make him cheat. He cheated because of his own brokenness, his own issues. Is he blaming you? Many WS do blame the BS initially, it's a way of deflecting blame from themselves. Whatever his underlying reasons, and from what I understand it can take a long time to figure them out - you are right. He is an adult who had other options aside from having an affair. Discussion. Counseling. Separation. Divorce, even. He chose affair.
It's good that you are both starting IC. IC and this website have been and still are my lifeline. There is so much wisdom and support here for you. Read lots, and post often.
You absolutely did not deserve to be forced to this in your life. Right now you must take care of yourself. You have experienced a major trauma, your mind is reeling, your body running with too much adrenaline and no doubt not enough sleep. Eat, drink, rest, exercise. Spend time with people who love you. For me, it was my kids, they absolutely saved me during those horrific first weeks. You don't have to make a decision today. Many here say not to make a major decision right away, but give it a while. I am aiming for 6 months, myself.
Be prepared for finding out more information as time goes on. You are absolutely entitled to know what you feel you need to know, for your own healing. However, please be sure to ask only for things you really want the answer to.
Sorry this became so long; I am only 3 months into this myself and can feel your pain pouring off the page. I will never forget the horrible pain of finding out. I am here to tell you that it does get better, it really does. Just hold on. Do what you can to take care of yourself, breathe, and hold on.
[This message edited by Truly at 11:29 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)]
Sending you a big hug and some deep calming breaths.
Please ignore all crying from WH, sadly they are often self-pity tears at this stage; often a mix of guilt and self-loathing. These do not help you.
Remorse is shown by actions... So glad to see you are accessing the help in your community, that'll help clarify your thoughts, hopefully.
Brace yourself, there may well be more revealed in the coming weeks and only you know how much you are prepared to hear or take.
It is absolutely ok to hate him right now. Look at what he has done! If you didn't, that would be a bit odd wouldn't it? Also, anger can help you move forward in positive steps, esp. at the beginning; so harness those thoughts and use them!
Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.
For all these years, he was soooo good at lying to me. Even though I must have subconsciously had doubts because I did ask several times if he was having an A and everytime, he looked straight into my eyes and LIED!
I don't feel any guilt about my anger and for now, I plan to make sure he knows how angry I am, no matter how many tears stream down his face.
if we are ADULTS and mature
This is the illusion that we all have of our WS. But, they are not acting like adults, they are not acting mature, they are cheating and acting like adolescent children who are entitled to things that they would never give to another.
My wife was a mother of 4, self made, college grad, accomplished, intelligent, well read, attractive, capable, and completely unable to deal with the normal stresses of being married, child rearing, and adult relationships, in a mature constructive manner. She was acting like a 13-15 year old in secret.
I feel for you and wish you all the best at your son's wedding. Be strong!
