What are some things that I should be considering, that I may not be thinking of with all the stress of everything else. The household goods are pretty much split except a few things. We are trying to sell the home but he just moved the OW into it. Just curious what do you wish you had asked for?
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
Also, if you have any pets, be sure you include their ownership in your settlement. They are considered property in the eyes of the court, and some here have had nasty pet issues.
~Indifference - Because some people do not deserve your emotions.~
I edit often because my tablet is possessed!
My aunt, who was divorced 10 years ago is being take back to court by her ex for their 25 year old daughter's college tuition. Not!
But I wish I had started with asking for 3 years, instead of the 2 years. I did get the 2 years of support, at the dollar amount I wanted. But in hindsight, it just would have made things easier financially if the spousal support had lasted an additional year.
But if he is in the marital home... I wonder is he paying all the expenses until it sells? As he should. Sometimes the person living there would get reimbursed for 50% mortgage payments made while waiting for it to sell -- (offset in the final division after sale) but he has a renter (OW) I'd want to not have to reimburse him for those mortgage payments. If he pushing for reimbursement... I'd want 1/2 the rent (or what should be considered rent.) Not sure that's doable but I'd ask about it.
What happens to the marital home if he dies before it sells? Who pays for repairs or deductibles if it needs work in the meantime. If he defaults on the mortgage? If work needs to be done for the sale? Keeping the "renter" in mind.
Health insurance. Life insurance to cover alimony and CS. He pays Cobra if he leaves his job.
Tools! Be sure you have a set of standard tools. And don't underestimate the value of tools, ladders, etc. (these are assets and expensive to replace what you might need).
And because this is a negotiation - ask for more than what you want! My inclination was to be reasonable - an unremorseful WS usually isn't. And some have the need to beat you down further to "win"... Ask for more than is reasonable so you can be whittled down to what is reasonable.
If your children are young, be sure to ask for Halloween every year or at least every other year.
I also got right of first refusal -- which is if my XWH is going to be unavail for 4 hrs or more, I get to have the kids instead of his OW,, it's the same for him, so when I have to work on a Sat. night, they have the kids and have to feed them!!!
Some people on here got it put in their papers that there can be no introductions of new girlfriends/boyfriends for 6 months.
Get your atty to subpoena from his HR dept a statement of his true gross earnings!!! If anything is taken out pre tax- like 401k, insurance, etc then it doesn't show up on a w2! I got my child support upped 100/mo because even my atty didn't know this!!!
I got the kids med bills 75/25 (I pay 25/%) and I got orthodontics included.
I got the house, all the equity,never have to refi, a car, everything in the house, part of his 401K, he had to pay a major loan we had out,
One thing I noticed about X in this situation is that he hasn't asked for many of the inheritance furniture or belongings from his family.
I'm going to mention them at some point, because I don't want any trouble about them later or if OW decides something about them, if she wants them or for her own tribe... I don't want to be harassed later or accused of keeping them against his will. I was very surprised at some of the items he left behind and chose to leave that he used to care about very much.
Maybe leaving reminders of the past is part of his re-booting his life, but in a way it made me sad. Some things are valuable and I will keep them for my kids.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
So, hopefully since you are willing to give him the equity in the house, you'll get more on the 401K.
Do you have an appraisal on the home? If you think the value has gone up recently, get an appraiser who will do a drive by appraisal on the home w/o your WS knowing. That way, if the value is now higher, you can ask for more from the 401K to offset.
My atty said it is very standard to request the home be refinanced in a certain time limit. With them living in the home, who knows what they will do to keep it from selling. Plus, if you are on the loan, it's going to show up on your credit.
Above all, be ready at any time that your atty can call and say they are willing to settle. I wouldn't budge on the 401k money and they kept calling these settlement meetings. Finally it went to the day before court and I got what I wanted. Plus
on the day of the divorce, he was trying to act like mr nice guy in front of his friend, so my atty asked for him to finish paying off one child's braces and keeping life ins. on him with his 3 children listed as beneficiaries til the last child is 18. He said ok!
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 6:36 AM, November 15th (Friday)]
[This message edited by will get by at 4:05 PM, November 17th (Sunday)]
Ask that he provide annual proof that he has kept paying for the life insurance.
Ask for a cost of living adjustment on the alimony. (example - My rent has gone up $200 in 8 years which is normal and it sure eats into your budget.)
Pippy- I didn't even think of asking for a cost of living increase!
Thank you everyone!