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Newest Member: Jawshappy (61166)

User Topic: Year 1 of DDay coming up
♂ 37958
Member # 37958
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question. 1 year of DDay is coming up so how did your BS and yourself as a WS responded or acted on that 1 year? I know it's probably not going to be easy for my BW, I would like some insight on how to make it easier for her. I know the basics but there has to be more than just comforting and being by her side. There has to be more I can do, anything because I fucked up what could have been the best thing to happen in my life. I just want to make it right again.

Me: WS 31
A : 17 months
Her : BS/WS 26 (ShockedErica11)
A: 3 months
DD : 3
Relationship : 4
Married : 2
DDay : November 2012
Her DDay : June 2013

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Chamblee
♀ 6864
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As the BS here's what I did for the week of d-day, I made it about me! Mr Lucky would rather have ignored the whole painful thing but I needed new memories.

To keep it short I'll just tell you about d-day:
First we went to another town away from EA town & had a long refreshing bike ride, we then went to a perfume bar and had "me" made. Finally, in the evening we went to dinner where they both worked (not easy but my choice), we ended up with a table in the direct line of vision of the OW. Employees stopped by as we charmed, smiled, laughed, held hands, cuddled, shared bites, kissed & literally eye-fucked each other it drove OW crazy!! She got madder and madder as the night DRUG on, my choice. It wasn't super comfortable for Mr Lucky, but like I said, it was about me !!
The next anti-versary I could look back at the day with a smile and a few giggles instead of the horror of the actual day.

I suggest talking a out it with your BS, ask her what she'd like and maybe offer some suggestions?

♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥

Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will be watching this as D-day (also H's bday) is coming up. I really liked your approach Lucky!

But yeah. I would think acknowledging it ahead of time and asking your wife if you could spend the day with her (or even meet for lunch) would show her you are being pro-active and really want to do right. And maybe she won't want to do anything with you. If that is the case may I suggest a gift card to a spa. Write her a letter letting her know what an incredible woman she is. How you are thankful her to be in your life.

Hey. As the BS, I know lunch, spa, shopping sound frivilous but compared to the hell from the year before...I would take that. The letter trumps all for me tho.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ 41119
Member # 41119
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here
I also recommend the letter. D day antiversary for me brought up all the emotions from that day and the day before. What I mean is I remembered my life before dday and after dday. And it made me made that he had destroyed everything. So if she is R with you, do what you can to make that day easier for her to get through. Let her know she is making the right choice. The letter is great. Also a cknowledging how hard this day is and apologize for it. If she likes to exercise, make sure she does that day. It will help with the anger. Don't insult her or anything but watch the kids, etc. for me I didn't need any elaborate gifts or day at the spa. I just wanted him to "get it". Get how hard the day was.

Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R

Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
♀ 40654
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like the week leading up to DDay were actually a little rougher than the day itself.

Him: BH 1969
Me: WW 1973

Wedding: April 9, 1994

Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)

Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012

I do not have it all together.

Posts: 862 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Far, far away
♂ 41319
Member # 41319
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't give up on talking! I am exactly where you are at this exact moment so we both have a lot in common. I can help ! I have had professional counseling and believe me.... it has helped. Many of which have been my priest, friends, Retrovaille, and most importantly, my incredibly supportive wife.

This is only my second post but I have been through a year of hell and can now see the end of the gloom. Things will get better for you if you stay focused.

Best of luck! Bump me if you need.

Me (FWS) 56
W - 54
D Day - 12/12
Married 29 years
3 children / 2 college grads

Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Savannah, GA
Topic Posts: 6

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