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how do you tell someone you want to date other people?

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nutmegkitty posted 11/12/2013 15:02 PM

Um, yeah.
I like this guy I'm dating, but I don't want to be exclusive. How do I tell him?

FWIW, we've been seeing each other since Labor Day, adn only can see each other EOW as we both have kiddos and those are our weekends "off". I like him, but I don't feel the "OMG squee" feeling.

Gawd, I feel badly for even asking this. He's a nice guy, but I'm jsut not feeling it.

Crescita posted 11/12/2013 15:14 PM

Why do you want to date other people?

Do you think it will wake a dormant squee for him, or do you hope to find squee with someone else?

Might be kinder to just end things if he is ready to be exclusive and you aren't. You both have limited free time as it is.

nutmegkitty posted 11/12/2013 15:22 PM

I dont knwo what I want. I think that is the issue. I like being with him but long term I know it can't work.
so I guess my issue is do I jsut go along for the FUN and live for now? Or think long term?

I'm obviously confused.

Brandon808 posted 11/12/2013 15:34 PM

I like being with him but long term I know it can't work.
Then tell him that but do not tell him he's a nice guy. Just be honest that you enjoy his company (or however you would characterize it) but there isn't a relationship there.

cmego posted 11/12/2013 16:34 PM

Do you think if you continue dating him…are you leading him on?

I think if I had been dating someone 2 months, and he wasn't feeling it, I'd rather he be honest with me so we could both move on.

fireproof posted 11/12/2013 20:58 PM

Only you know underneath what is going on.

Has he asked for exclusivity? If he hasn't why bring it up?

If you know you definitely don't like him or there are other factors that would make it highly possible for a future breakup then end it.

If you like him but are on a fence I would still continue to see him. Part f this journey is learning about yourself and you might like him more than you think and are self protecting.

I will only say be honest. If exclusivity is brought up say you are not ready to be exclusive. He might walk away but you take that risk.

Time will tell. As far as leading him on I think you need to figure out your feelings first and you owe him that so if he starts to get too close let him know once again where you are and you set the boundary for him too - he can choose to stay in or not.

NaiveAgain posted 11/13/2013 06:11 AM

So, if you know this is not long term, are you just keeping him around until you find something better?
You owe it to him to be completely truthful with him and let him know that although you enjoy his company, he isn't what you are looking for long term.

Then if he is okay with just hanging out "as friends" that is fine, but it is important to be honest.

Ready_to_run posted 11/13/2013 06:19 AM

but I don't feel the "OMG squee" feeling.

This is highly overated I think you will learn as you go along.

better4me posted 11/13/2013 12:20 PM

(omg I'm feeling the exact same thing Nutmegkitty...so I'm spying on this thread for SI wisdom and have no solutions/input/wisdome to contribute!)

nutmegkitty posted 11/13/2013 12:28 PM

If you like him but are on a fence I would still continue to see him. Part f this journey is learning about yourself and you might like him more than you think and are self protecting.

you may be on to something.

It is very hard/confusing for me not to be able to identify my feelings! I obviously have some introspection to do. Or maybe I do too much of that already and should just relax a little. Wishy washy, party of one.

LearningToRun posted 11/13/2013 23:02 PM

Could it be your " picker" is still set on narcissist? So attracted to the bad boy that mr nice guy who will treat you right and not Cheat seems safe?

I'm dating a nice guy right now. I had the same thoughts in the beginning. But I decided to try something. Different. Everyday he impresses me more and more. Slow, steady, kind, treats me great.

I agree, the squee is overrated. I'm looking for a love that grows

positively4thst posted 11/13/2013 23:19 PM

I like this guy I'm dating, but I don't want to be exclusive. How do I tell him?

Is this a trick question? Doesn't matter whether you are dating a guy or a "gal". Honesty rules and if you are having difficulties expressing something like this, you probably shouldn't be dating yet. I don't think it's him, I think it is you and the stage you are at. You are not ready for an open and honest relationship.

GabyBaby posted 11/13/2013 23:21 PM

Have you guys had the "Exclusive" talk yet?
If not, I wouldn't stress over it yet. When you get to that point, just tell him you're not ready to be exclusive with anyone yet and go from there.

If you HAVE had the talk and are supposed to be An Item, then you either need to let him know or let it ride until you know what you really want.

SeanFLA posted 11/14/2013 10:20 AM

I'm one who believes..."Fast relationships are like fast food....satisfying for the moment, but you're hungry an hour later."

Guess what I mean is that seldom does that squee thing last for too long. It wears off after a while, kinda like fantasy world for our ex waywards I believe. For me it takes time to grow. Don't get me wrong, but the "fun" part of a new relationship is great. But you just might be subconsciously protecting yourself from more hurt or drama that can come with an exclusive relationship. It's hard to jump full throttle back into things emotionally. In our situation it will takes time, maybe years. I read about many a BS's on here that get remarried after say two years from dday or divorce and I'm like.."How do you just do that?"

I believe you gotta be friends first. This doesn't mean dreaming about unicorns and rainbows with that person but looking at red flags, taking it slowly and seeing what lies underneath. If you or he haven't brought up the exclusivity thing then I wouldn't worry about it right now. It's been only two months and I get wanting to see what else might be out there. You are in it for the fun right now after what you've been through. Not more hard work. I had enough hard work.

torn2bits posted 11/14/2013 18:45 PM

I think people can overcomplicate things sometimes. I have a guy that I dated that wants to be more than friends. I really like talking to him and he's a lot of fun, but we can't have a future.

We had this talk. The other guy knows I talk to the first guy because I like talking to him.

Sometimes he and I get lonely; we have fun when we are with each other. I am dating the other guy because he has traits that I enjoy as well.

What I am saying is....as long as he knows what the deal is, no problem seeing him. You have fun with him, no harm as long as he knows what direction you are going in.

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