Moving, I said this to h last night after a day of triggers.
I have been thinking about this since I woke up today. There are just so many reminders, everywhere. How can you stay focused on the present when everywhere you go there it is.
I try to talk to myself. That was then, it is over, that is the past. It is only a place, just a place.
We have gone back to a couple of places that he took her. Places that we used to go together. It feel terrible, I get through but it has not been okay yet. Maybe just repetition? Do it over and over until you desensitize? I have no clue.
I find I trigger less when I stay home. Home though has its own triggers, maybe I am getting used to those and that takes away their power.
No matter where I go in my normal day there are reminders. He was dating her, going out on dates, it just doesn't seem real to me still. It still feels like a bad dream and then the shock of yes, he really did these things.
Yesterday, work, driving to appointments, a billboard of a restaurant they went to, driving on the road that they traveled together, pictures flashing in my head of the drive, walking in the door together, talk over lunch, shopping. It just seems too normal. It seems like my life but with a replacement.
Sometimes wish I could move, just get away from all the external reminders. I have enough in my head without having to face these reminders every day. It just feels like there are too many.
I will watch this thread carefully. I want to be able deal with this. To be able to just have these triggers come to be nothing more than places without the emotion.
Is it just time? What really works to lessen the reaction to them?
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie