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Newest Member: infiniti (61794)

User Topic: Need advise asap
♀ 37868
Member # 37868
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So as I celebrate my 1year mark for DDay, trying to get thru the day... Low and behold I get confirmation that my X is now dating one of my staff members!!! It's a mutual friend of ours sister in law that I hired 3 months ago.. Like really!? Wtf?!? Her daughter told my son at school "hey did u hear my moms going on a date w/yur dad" (they're in high school) my city may be smaller than average but none the less it's big enough to date else where!!!! I am happy, I am dating now... But it's still painful, I still deal with what happened almost weekly if not daily, and he dates one of my staff? I don't want to b the better person! I want to fire her. But instead I lifted my head, said good morning to her & small talk. But I couldn't help but txt the X and ask him to back off until she finds a new place of employment. He chuckled like I'm a joke!!! I'm furious!!!! Seeing her gave me that same anxiety feeling I once felt before & I hated it. I do expect him to date, why wouldn't i, he was F***ing dating while we were married! But c'mon.. Am I out of line? And the shitty thing.. I like her. She's a good worker... Yes, she knows he's my x & knows why we divorced. I just don't want to look at my X's girlfriend on the daily??? Please someone tell me anything..... Something... Cuz I feel no control over what I'm feeling!!!
Married 20 years
2kids 20&17
DDay 11/12/12
Divorce final 3/2013

[This message edited by notwarmorfuzzy at 6:02 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if he has done this partly to press your buttons? Is it purely coincidental that your ex finds someone to date who works for you?

Are they actually dating or did they just go out? Either way, the more you react, the more it will encourage him. It sounds like one of those situations where you have to fake it to make it.

"I'm very happy for you."

I know it's hard but if you can try to seem unaffected, it will be easier and cause less drama in the long-run. The less you find out, the less it will hurt.

Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd say that he is tryin to fuck with you...what are the chances that he finds someone to date that is your subordinate?

That said, it doesn't sound like she's an OW? But I know I sure wouldn't date my boss's x...too, too weird.

Deep breaths and stick to the high road. A well placed, knowing smile and a simple, "Isn't that wonderful?" (If it even comes up) will convey a pretty big, classy 'fuck you.'

Remember, you are the boss and you are above it.
Fuck them both.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 37868
Member # 37868
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She knew that he's my x, her brother & my x are buddies. They just started "txting" to get to know each other but went in a date Saturday. My son wasn't even going to tell me what her daughter said but he got upset when he asked his dad if he could go over for lunch $ and his dad lied and said he wasn't going to be home because he's with his softball team. I need to rise above this... I've come so far, I don't want to take steps backward... But man it hurts. I think he's getting a kick out if it. This affair has affecting so many aspects of my life & my impulsive feelings..

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he's getting a kick out if it.
I have no doubt he is.

ETA: Hit submit too soon. You can do this, honey. Don't feed the bear. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 7:54 PM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 16958
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't believe she knows why you divorced and she'd still date him. No accounting for taste! Anyway, ignore, smile and rise above!

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 949 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
♀ 16394
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, I would be cool to her. Not unprofessional but letting her know she won't be getting ahead in her career with you, if she continues with your ex. (Obviously this is all non-verbal).

BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time." Bionical girl

Posts: 3163 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very sticky.

The thing is, the more noise you make or the more emotion you show, the more of a kick X may get out of it.

In my situation, X enjoys greatly flaunting little tidbits about OW at me and I pretend I am dumb and deaf and don't hear him. I put on the straightest face I can, hold my head high and act very disinterested. It's not easy but is the higher road and feels better in the end.

Anything you say or do could be used against you and be ammo for X.

The high road, the high road, the high road...

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 8

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