Hi All,
I was a member here back in 2005 when WH was my bf at the time. There was an EA that went on but after we found out and resolved it (or so I thought), we moved on.
We got married in 2010 and now have a 15 months old DS (love him to death!) First, WH and I are not the best communicators in the world, he has these emotional outburst and when he's having one of these episodes I tend to shutdown and ignore him. Now with DS in the picture, it happens even more often because I don't want my DS to sense the negativity around us. I work full-time and by the time I get home after work, tend DS, put him to sleep, I am just completely exhausted. (WH and I both have very demanding career). Somewhere along the past 15 months, we were definitely distant from each other. I didn't feel it as much as WH did because I am so busy assuming my new role as a mom while continued to work full-time and honestly don't have the time to think about anything else. I was just in this "survival mode" with DS in the picture, however, I do not resent one bit having DS in my life. It is the greatest gift that LIFE has given me.
2 weeks ago, I felt that WH was getting even more aggressive with his words and he was very agitated in general. One little thing could set him off. On 11/1, he called and said he had to work late (very usual of him) and he came home at around 11:30pm. I sensed this tension around him when I tried to talk to him. But I brushed it off then thinking maybe he's just stressed. Then I went to sleep in DS room (I have been sleeping in DS room for the past 7 months, because I didn't want to disrupt WH sleep since he works long hours). On 11/3, he was responding to work e-mails on his phone, then he saw me looking at him, then he started lashing out at me for giving him attitude while he's tending work related stuff. That moment, I knew, something was up. He then said that he has to go to the office and work and would be home by 8pm and will bring home dinner.
Not going to details about how I found out, but I found car ride receipts, hotel receipts, etc. So I called him immediately when I knew he was meeting up with the OW. Before I asked him where he was, I gave a 5 sec pause, he pretended as if nothing was wrong. I told him, I love you, so please don't lie, I am sorry if you felt that this was the only way out for whatever problem we are having, but I know you are not going to pick up some food. Then he started crying on the phone. Basically, he said that he felt that I didn't care for him anymore, that we are just parents raising our son and there is nothing more. He wanted to come home to talk, but I told him to stay where he is until our son goes to sleep then we can talk. I was too angry that night to have any meaningful conversation with him. On Day 3, we talked and he agreed to go to marriage counseling so as much as I am hurt and being a train wreck those 3 days, I kept on going as normal as I could. Then I found out on Day 4 that he had purchased a pre-paid SIM card for his phone (after DDAY), that's when I lost my S***!!! I called him immediately and told him that if he's not committed to make this work, that's fine, he's not obligated to go through with this. He thought I was being crazy and didn't know where it was coming from until I confronted him about the SIM card. Then he went into a rage of how he's not my prisoner, I can't keep checking up on him, monitoring him, blah blah blah. I wanted to laugh!! I told him that I didn't even have to look at his PHONE to know something was up. If I had monitored his phone, this may not have spun out of control that it turned into a PA. I don't even know who the OW is and I honestly don't care because apparently she knows that he's married with a baby (they also did it in his CAR with a car seat in the back) and she didn't care so I have no respect for her whatsoever. At the end of the phone conversation, I told him to pack his bag and stay somewhere and clear his head before we have any further discussion.
Last Friday, I made an appt. with a marriage counselor and we just had our first session on Monday. We spent this first session discussing our issues. At the end of the session, the counselor said that the next session (tomorrow), we will address what happened (PA), and she said to him that it NEEDS to be addressed in order to move on.
GAHHHHHH It's been 10 days and I am constantly going through waves of emotions these days but I know that I am not shattered in pieces because I have DS to care for and being a Mom somehow gives you that amazing strength to power through things!!
I know I am 50% responsible for what went wrong in our Marriage but I am NOT responsible for his PA. He made the choice to cross that line, I didn't!!