SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

MollyJo posted 11/12/2013 23:16 PM

I've been broken up with my ws for going on 5 years now...but because we're in the same business (and were friends for literally 20 year before we were together), he still talks to a lot of people that I work with or am friends with.

And the story he tells to explain the fact that he had a 7 year affair ending in a bastard child is that he begged me for years to have a baby with him and i "wasn't ready", and then it was "too late" (ie I was too old). The real story is that I told him I wasn't ready until around '03, then BEGGED him to have a child with me until around '08,when he FINALLY agreed to try...but of course he had that "one last fling" that caused her pregnancy and the end of our relationship.

and the reason he never wanted to have sex, or insisted that we use birth control on the rare occasions we did, was that he was deeply involved in his affair--in which, btw, he never used birth control.

Am I right to correct the story when told to my friends and family, or should i laugh it off, or refuse to comment? It really pisses me off that he's trying to make it OK that he screwed around and got his whore pregnant, and is telling people that it was somehow my fault. As if.

Nature_Girl posted 11/13/2013 00:37 AM

I'm done covering for him and helping him spread his lies. I tell the truth about myself, and I correct whatever bullshit story he's told people.

Phoenix1 posted 11/13/2013 01:18 AM

The truth is very liberating, and you don't owe him anymore coverups. I covered for XPOS for years and it made me sick. If they don't want the world to know about their shitty behavior, they should have thought about that before going down that path. I will gladly tell anyone the truth, and I don't have to worry about keeping my cover stories straight anymore. It is wonderful!

SBB posted 11/13/2013 03:02 AM

I absolutely correct untruths as they arise. The sad clown has told people I was having affairs the entire relationship and that he was considering having the girls DNA tested. He knows damn well I was faithful right up until DD.

Its all projection. Annoying as hell but I've found the people that share it with me don't actually believe him and are telling me so that I am aware of his lies.

Y'know what's weird? This is part of their false construct. they tell themselves these lies so much they actually start believing it.

NaiveAgain posted 11/13/2013 06:03 AM

My WS moved south and I was going thru the court system to be able to take my DD and join him when I found his little "hobbies"

So he tells everyone that I just didn't want to move with him (yeah, that's it....I didn't want to live in a condo on the beach and not have to work while my husband was making six figures...who would want THAT type of life?)

So, yeah, when people say something to me that is untrue, I fix it. I don't go on and on and I don't make a big deal of it....I just change the misconception.

9.10.11 posted 11/13/2013 11:52 AM

Don't stoop to his level, Molly. My X did the same type of thing and I didn't say a word, except to very close friends(3 and my parents). I never even told my kids. Took about a yr and everyone could see the truth. Now after 2+ yrs, it's obvious to everyone.

It sucked for me for what seemed an eturnity. Most everyone thought it was my fault, didn't believe what she did...and I'm a man so it had to be all my fault. I knew what the truth was and knew it would come out in time.

Now I have people say, "why didn't you defend yourself?". I tell them I don't have to, I'm the same person I've always been.

I had no reason to tear someone else down to make me look better, isn't that what most of this BS is all about?

Good people are good people. Can't change the core.

ajsmom posted 11/13/2013 11:55 AM

He's just doing some post-infidelity clean-up on his end.

I would say something like "(LOL) So THAT'S this week's version!"

Then just

Smart people will get it.

AJ's MOM

StillLivin posted 11/13/2013 13:57 PM

When it comes up, something along the lines of, "Oh, is that how he is justifying his 7 year LTA and his illegitimate child? Wow, really?"
Then just smile. If they question further, mention that he didn't want to have a child with you because he didn't want to cheat on his mistress.

persevere posted 11/13/2013 17:20 PM

I like AJ's and StillLivins approach. Get the fact that he's a liar out there in a funny way, then they don't feel uncomfortable but your point is made.