I remember when I left DD's dad, I never did get used to having a whole bed to myself. I refused to do it, I just couldn't sleep. I lived at my parent's house, and had a futon in my room, instead of a bed. I never unfolded the futon- when the back was up, at least it was kind of like having someone next to me.
Then I met H. I haven't had to sleep alone in three years.
And he promised. He stood up in front of all our family and friends and he PROMISED. And now, just three months later, he doesn't care, says he is done trying, and screams at me and then runs away before I can say anything and is utterly emotionally absent. And physically absent.
I know I can do it. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will get up, take a shower, take DD to school, and go to work with a smile on my face and a positive attitude. Nobody will be the wiser, I won't need to cry on anyone's shoulders because I am a strong person, and I have done it before. I have thought someone was a forever person, only to have them not be before. But right now, it's only 9:40 at night and I'm alone and awake in a huge empty bed and it just seems so...endless.
How did all of you do it? How do you get used to sleeping alone AGAIN?
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
Anyways, now I appreciate the extra space to put my books, school work, kindle. My cats sleep with me. The kids jump in whenever they need a snuggle or want to talk. I always get the best spot It feels endless now but that feeling is temporary. You WILL get through this. Hugs to you!
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
It will get better, promise!
Last night wasn't so bad. I was up for a while, then the cat joined me (guess H locked him out of the bonus room too). DD came downstairs and crawled in at 4am, and I didn't make her move.
...this is just so...hard.
There's an alarm clock phone app that tracks your sleep patterns and plays white, pink or brown noise until you fall asleep. It's helped so much with the adjustment from sleeping next to a snorer to silence.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
It took me a while, and some sleeping aides, to be able to sleep in that bed again.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
There is good in this part of the change, BION (believe it or not)...it's just not easy to find or found right away. I'm still looking.
I remember that X here had apnia, very bad, if it's possible to have in increments.
So when I'm at my worst being lonely at night, I remember how afraid I would be when he would stop breathing at night and then yell at me if I nudged him to roll over, like the doctor instructed.
I look for positive changes, like I can drink the entire coffee pot in the morning if I want to, I can sleep in the middle if I want to, I can wear my day clothes or nothing if I want to and so on, you get the idea.
My fav...I know whose the bed farts are, lol.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I'm sorry this us hard for you though. I spent so much if my marriage alone with the kids, that the transition into living alone and single parenting was pretty easy. I can imagine that it's very difficult when you're accustomed to having someone there all the time.
It is definitely tough at first. I'm sorry your struggling right now. Like others have mentioned, I have pets in the bed with me. My little dog is beyond thrilled to have a whole side of the bed to himself. He lays his head on the pillow and snores the cutest puppy snores. Definitely an improvement over fat man snores and teeth grinding. Ugh, I don't miss that!
Pets, body pillow, sound machine... I have a terrific app on my phone called "relax melodies". You can fall asleep to waves, rain, crickets, whatever you find soothing. Also for the first few weeks, I took almost daily a generic OTC sleep aid, 25mg diphenhydramine HCL. The doctor told me this was fine, not habit forming etc. It helped me a lot.
Hang in there!!
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords