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Newest Member: Minnesota (50615)

User Topic: This just bothers me
♀ 37255
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it was my H bday this week and of course his fb acct was blowing up his fb is locked tight I cant see his friends list and if u are not his friend u cant search him I only see mutual frienfs this has always kinda bothered me but I think its for work purposes anyway I could see sum of his birthday wishes one was from a non mutal friend not op but someone he went to high school with but its what she said that didn't sit well she called him a stud now if the roles were reversed and a guy called me beautiful he would be like hey whos that by the way my fb is totally open would this bother u ?

3 awesome kids

Posts: 213 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
♀ 40538
Member # 40538
Happy  Posted: 12:40 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then make it so he can't see your FB page. IF he wants to be secretive, so can you!

WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: We're going to try IC one more time.

Posts: 174 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
♀ 37146
Member # 37146
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry but for me there are no hidden anything for R. I have access to everything anytime I want. Don't understand why FB is locked for work purposes????

I will not be in R without total openess....and will not get into "if you do this, I will do that". I am not in war, this is a healing process with no secrets or forbidden areas for me.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Somewhere in USA
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His FB needs to be transparent or get shut down. That is not a place for him to have secrecy. I have gone with transparency in our marriage. On both our sides. I didn't cheat, but I have never had anything to hide.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 37173
Member # 37173
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH fb is also locked down tight so that is why I have his password and can log in any time I want to verify all is on the up and up.

You his wife should have more access especially given the lack of trust after an A then some random friend or coworker.

In order to R he needs to give you all log ins and passwords. If he refuses then he is still putting himself before you and your healing.

Me: 40
FWH: 51
Married 12 years
DDay: Jan 2012
A: One year
S: 6 weeks before he pulled his head out
R: March 2012
On the bumpy road to happy

Posts: 78 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: USA
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH and I now share a FB page. Every message goes to my cell phone. He started and conducted his affair through his FB account so it was non-negotiable.

Posts: 866 | Registered: Sep 2012
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hidden FB stuff = Red Flag and lack of commitment to R, IMO.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Largely recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.

Posts: 12405 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ 36070
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to friend you ASAP and you should have access to his username and password.

That goes for all email, social networking etc.

That was rule #1 in our reconciliation and is considered a deal breaker if anything changes.

There is no secrecy in a marriage, especially after an affair.

Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
♂ 40639
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto. You have access to everything.....period!

dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 9

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