SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

badnewsbears posted 11/13/2013 00:58 AM

I was wondering how others handle the approaching holidays? This will be my first Thanksgiving and Xmas as a BS. DDay was two mos ago and I'm living on my own. The thought alone of the holidays stresses me out. I have even signed up to work these holidays to be able to spend time with other ppl ( I work in healthcare, its 24/7), when I would normally scheduled off . Currently I'm at the point where even christmas music playing at Target causes me to cry........ the holidays used to be such a special time for me, and now they are so tainted.....

any help on coping strategies would be great!

[This message edited by badnewsbears at 12:58 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

maxandsen posted 11/13/2013 01:30 AM

So sorry that this time of year has been tainted for you.

How about starting some new traditions? Volunteer work can be very rewarding and a great self esteem boost. Contact your local shelter (human or animal) or Family and Children's Services they will be more then happy to have extra help this time of year.

Hope you get your holiday cheer back

((Hugs))

Hope2B posted 11/13/2013 02:03 AM

I guess I had a little practice so far, with a big family wedding on the same date as my birthday. I made sure I put earplugs in when there were words spoken to we who gathered, and when the vows were exchanged. I could still hear a bit, so I hummed to myself and that blocked my hearing even more.

I got through the wedding and reception with medication and some wine, too.

I had announced earlier, just after DDay#1 that we were not celebrating his birthday and on TT DDay #2 I said we're not celebrating my birthday or any holidays.

I told him many times that any time we are out with friends, or with family, or at an "occasion", anything he saw from me like smiles and laughter was PRETEND. I WAS PRETENDING, and he should not think everything was back to being fine again just because he saw me behaving "light hearted."

For getting through the holidays, helping other people is a good idea and I know a few folks who serve meals at the downtown soup kitchen as their tradition of giving back.

Christmas music etc can do me in. Sweet commercials on TV can slay me, too--I change the channel! You might want to use or borrow an iPod and use the earbuds when you're in Target etc.

We'll be with friends on Thanksgiving and family on Christmas, so I'm going to be medicated and focus on visiting with my friends and family, and catching up on things, all the while lying to them that everything is fine (I have not disclosed to any friend or family member except my sister). My friends and family don't know my heartbreak, I don't have to disclose anything. I'll be with WH at these events, whom I will ignore, as usual.

[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:04 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

badnewsbears posted 11/14/2013 21:01 PM

thanks for the recommendation for serving in the community. i have a coworker who does something similar during the holidays and that seems like a good way to give back and keep me distracted :)