Here we are 6 months from DDay - which was a few days after our anniversary on which I did not get acknowledgement let alone a gift. I had gotten WH a card but could not for the life of me bring myself to get the gift I had planned and could only sign my name to the card versus my normal mushy self. Wow - my subconscious had it right!
Then came mother's day (i am stepmom to his 2 kids) - and WH showered me with stuff but it was right after dday so I couldn't have cared less.
Then the realization came about how much he spent on the A taking her to $500 dinners, shipping champagne and sex toys to her - the man spent a LOT of money in 3 months!
Post DDay I stopped working for 5 months (i am a consultant and can just turn it off when I want to).
WH's car needed to be replaced and we decided on a whim (3 months after DDay) to get HIS dream car because we stumbled upon one used. A HUGE deal for him. Made me feel a little icky - like he was getting a reward in a year when he deserved anything but.
I seriously pampered myself post DDay with his blessing (flying to spas in other cities, etc)
A month after DDay we neglected to make a financial decision that cost us $70K - which we just discovered last month.
4 months post DDay he put extraordinary effort into celebrating the anniversary of our first date.
We had planned to go to Europe for a month next year to celebrate his 50th. We are planning to go for a long week instead, but we are still going to celebrate HIS b-day.
So here is the deal... the holidays are coming and he recently said to me "lets set a budget between the two of us" - what I want to say is: "The thought of buying you a gift this year makes me sick to my stomach and the budget should be $0 towards gifts for you and $5K towards gifts for me"
It is more about how I LOVE giving gifts to the people I love, but have not yet found a place of JOY in regards to gifting to WH. Should I just fake it? Should I just tell him that I am not "there" yet?
We don't do much for Christmas giftwise though. Usually our budget for Christmas total (decorations, tree, pictures, presents etc) is around 1000.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
"The thought of buying you a gift this year makes me sick to my stomach and the budget should be $0 towards gifts for you and $5K towards gifts for me"
For my birthday this year WH sent 2 dozen red roses in a huge vase to the Vegas hotel room where I was staying with my sister and a friend.
For his birthday, I said, "Happy Birthday".
He finds this to be entirely appropriate, as do I (right now).
If you WH knew what was good for him, he would try to wow you this Christmas. It doesn't have to be expensive, it could be sentimental, but it should be a wow. He should see it as a golden opportunity to show you how he feels. And like it or not, gifts are one way. Especially if that is your love language.
Catchy, I think your budgetary thinking is right on.
My H likes all dressed chips (I don't think they make these in the US), I know what his fav candy bar is as well as his fav golf balls. I might get him something like that. It says, "I know you".
His bday is coming up. It's also D-Day. awesome.
On my birthday I told him I didn't feel like celebrating. For some reason he thought that meant not to get me gift. We ended up buying a Keurig and I guess I said that could be my gift. Again, all a blur.
Now I'm thinking more clearly. His birthday and the holidays are stressing me out. He said he doesn't want anything. Just go out to dinner. I guess I can handle that. Christmas is going to be awful though. I think I'm going to tell him we should just focus on DS. I randomly looked for a card today that was even remotely appropriate. I found one so I bought it but after the fact I saw it was $5.99!!! I'm returning it!
You should tell him exactly how you feel about this.
Edited to take out the last snarky part, I'm just in a bad mood. There are definitely good and bad ways to say things.
[This message edited by AML04 at 5:11 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]