SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

How do you define self-care?

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

risingfromashes posted 11/13/2013 08:52 AM

On a recent post I received wonderful advice and support which included "self-care".

For me that always involves pasta or chocolate.
I work out frequently already.

What are some ideas about what to do when you are in need of self-care?

hexed posted 11/13/2013 09:01 AM

I value quiet time. I make time for myself and sometimes I just go someplace lovely and sit. Sounds silly but its invaluable to me.

nutmegkitty posted 11/13/2013 09:19 AM

I like pedicures and massages. Yoga. Words With Friends. Browsing at Savers. Getting a fancy coffee at Starbucks.

Basically anything that relaxes and restores me.

cmego posted 11/13/2013 09:21 AM

My IC says "cocoon"…surround yourself with things you love to do. For me, it is shopping, reading a good book, hanging out with my friends, taking a walk, hot baths+glass of wine+good book=heaven

Do little things for yourself that bring you joy. Spoil yourself.

Dawn58 posted 11/13/2013 09:32 AM

What a great post. Self care - eating healthy, exercise, hikes in nature, laying on the warm sand at the beach, hot baths, time with friends and family. Lots of hot tea and when I have had a really rough day, comfort foods. My IC has told me to go get a massage, but have not done that yet.

nowiknow23 posted 11/13/2013 09:45 AM

Paying attention to what your body needs (rest? exercise?), what your mind needs (quiet? diversion?), and what your emotional needs are (venting? soothing?) is key to self-care. And those needs change from day to day, hour to hour.

For me, self-care is doing the activities that feed my needs at the moment. Some days, that's curling up on the couch, checking out mentally, and streaming Netflix. Other times it's spending time with a friend doing something fun and active, or taking a leisurely bath with soothing music, or hiking in a local park, or tackling a long-neglected project that's been hanging over my head so I can clear it off the list.

It all about identifying what you need and meeting your needs. Making yourself a priority.

Williesmom posted 11/13/2013 10:17 AM

For me, it's shopping, reading, or just spending time with my dogs.

Things that make me feel cont ent.

Nature_Girl posted 11/13/2013 10:20 AM

I've spent my life in self-denial. As a child it was literally beat into me that I don't deserve anything. So I'm still learning how to care for myself now as an adult. My barrier at this point is that many things which I might enjoy I cannot afford at this time. For me, I'm down to super basic things like just making sure I take my vitamins and drink enough fluids during the day. However, I have learned that I really like a caramel flavor in my instant coffee, so I now buy some flavoring to put in my morning coffee. It's what I can do to be good to myself.

I also really enjoy Netflix and talking with people. I've made a point to include real people in my life now, so I reach out and talk to people. Sounds so pathetic, but it's a very big deal for me.

fireproof posted 11/13/2013 21:09 PM

Doing absolutely nothing for 30 minutes a day.

Spending time with those you care about

fraeuken posted 11/13/2013 21:40 PM

My couch, a book and a glass of wine. Or watching science or history programs all evening long with a glass of wine.

A massage a month, a mani/pedi every other week, stopping and smelling the roses once in a while and spending quality time with my BFF.

Taking 15 minutes at night and sitting on my deck to watch the sunset. Buying a new plant or flowers to decorate my house with living things.

And above all, quiet time to reflect, think, or just relax, sometimes cry, take a mental inventory on my bucket list or just simply do nothing.

Chrysalis123 posted 11/13/2013 21:43 PM

Nature Girl I so relate to you. You go girl!! Your efforts are fantastic.

Sad in AZ posted 11/14/2013 00:26 AM

Self-care is whatever it takes to keep you from feeling stressed. Surrounding yourself with things that make you happy. Doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Saying no to things that you know are not essential and will stress you out.

For me:

Comfortable furniture, yarn, scented candles, flowers

Eating out at places that interest me; going for walks through the woods and fields; knitting and sewing.

Saying no when asked to volunteer for things that I know will cause me to regret volunteering

Phoenix1 posted 11/14/2013 00:37 AM

After being made to feel guilty for almost 30 years any time I did anything exclusively for myself, like I was doing something wrong by spending 30 minutes to read a book, I am having to adjust to it being "okay" to soak in a hot tub with a glass of wine and a book, or get a pedi, or sit and do nothing but zone out to a bad "B" movie. I still have moments of guilt, like I am supposed to be sneaking it into my day so it doesn't take away time focused on others, but I am getting there. So self-care to me is doing those secret pleasures whenever I damn well please without feeling guilty for doing it!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:37 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]

phmh posted 11/14/2013 06:42 AM

In addition to all of the excellent comments above, it's also positive self-talk.

Listen to that inner voice, and you might be shocked at how frequently it's telling you bad things about yourself! Reframe it so you're being nicer to yourself!

broken2 posted 11/14/2013 13:28 PM

Great thread!

I whole heatedly agree with what Sad in AZ said:

Self-care is whatever it takes to keep you from feeling stressed. Surrounding yourself with things that make you happy. Doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Saying no to things that you know are not essential and will stress you out.

And phmh brings out an excellent point:

In addition to all of the excellent comments above, it's also positive self-talk.
Listen to that inner voice, and you might be shocked at how frequently it's telling you bad things about yourself! Reframe it so you're being nicer to yourself!

I find that sometimes its the most simplest things that make me feel good and make me smile. Going out into the sunshine and feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, my arms, my back. I close my eyes and feel the warmth, I just feel the warmth and allow myself to soak it in.... I also use this time to talk positively to myself. I tell myself I AM doing ok. A good cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a walk to take in nature. A long warm bath. Soft blankets with a kitty warming my feet as I page through a book or magazine or take in some TV. Soft music.

It's nice to take in some things that cost some money too, like a movie with friends. A shopping expedition with friends, and you don't even really have to buy anything. Just the company of friends is SO good for the soul.

Find what makes YOU happy and smile on the inside as well as the outside. I believe that what ever makes you smile on the inside is self-care.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy