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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: You should be glad the kids call you at all!! You ass!!
APRIL2008
♀ 19690
Member # 19690
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I first seperated from EX many people told me "you think the problems are over? well get ready cause they have just began"
and sure enough issues with him don't ever seem to end.
We don't agree on anything regarding kids. He goes against everything I do. If I move he gets mad, the clothes I buy for them arent good enough, their hairs ect ect ect. Their is no pleasing this man. Dam if I do dam if I don't.
Eventhough he is a complete Ass I still try to keep him involved with the kids and all of their activities however just recently I stopped becouse he just didn't seem interested. He never showed up for any of DDs volleyball games no school event for either of them no parent teacher conference nothing at all. So screw you no need for me to inform you of anything.
We have always had the issue of the kids not wanting to call him often. I have tried everything to repair this I have talked to them told them that this is their dad there should be more comunication with him, an I love you you how are you text once in a while would be nice but nothing seems to be working. I have tried to talk to him about it too. I tried to make him understand that he is the dad and it just might be his sole responsability to call THEM but there is no reasoning with this man. He gets mad says if they don't love him and don't look for him why should he He is so childish
So after I have witnessed several times the kids crying when he starts getting on them about not calling him I got fed up last night.
It has been close to 2 weeks that they havent talked and since it is his following weekend they called him to ask him about some events they would like to attend. He rambles and rambles on and on at them about they don't remember they have a father why can't they call him, blah blah blah and ofcourse my daughter starts crying. Momma bear came out.I grabbed the phoen and hung up on him. No more making them feel guilty!! You should try calling THEM for a change!!
I am so tired of dealing with such a manchild my daughter is more mature than him. Who cares if they don't call you every day you should be glad they call you at all!!
I don't know what else to do. I am so tired of the situation

[This message edited by APRIL2008 at 9:02 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)]


Me BGF28
XBF 29
DD 10
DS 7

“Was it hard?" I ask.
Letting go?"
Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real.”
― Lisa Schroeder


Posts: 527 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Arizona
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They shouldn't have to call him at all, why isn't he phoning?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1116 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not your responsibility to carry his relationship with his kids. He is the parent, HE should be making the effort. He should not expect elementary school aged children to be the responsible adults in this situation.

I wouldn't tell him a thing. He wants to be involved? He can call the school. He can be in contact with the coaches. Don't spoon feed him anymore. He doesn't deserve it.

And I damn sure would not make them call him. He's so concerned, HE can pick up the phone and call HIS KIDS.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YOU are not responsible for the relationship between ex and children. It is NOT your children's responsibility to rebuild a relationship with their father. Are your children in IC? I can't imagine the confusion and guilt they must be feeling? Reading that your DD was crying, broke my heart. This has got to stop.

If your children are in IC, ask for their recommendation. My children's therapist (although my kids are much older than yours) feel it is NOT in the best interest of my kids to be forced to have any contact.

Again, it is not fair for the children to carry that burden that your ex is placing on them. He is a immature and entitled POS for making your children feel guilty. If he would like to talk to the children, he can call. If they don't feel like talking or if he starts to make them feel guilty, teach them how to disengage. They need coping skills. No more forcing the kids to call their father.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Oct 2012
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to a lot of what you posted April. I just posted my own rant about the uninvolved jackass who used to be a father.

It is so hard to see these jackasses ruin their relationship with their kids but it can't be stopped. If they are horrible person, they're going to be a horrible parent. They probably piggybacked off of us the entire relationship and now that they are on their own, they can't do anything right. I'm finding it very hard to wrap my brain around that level of incompetence!

I'm finding it hard to step completely out of their relationship too. The kids HATE the nightly calls he makes and sometimes resort to putting themselves to bed early so that they are sleep before he calls (he almost always calls at bedtime) or they will pretend to be asleep when the phone rings! I encourage them to talk to him (the conversation is always very short because he asks the same questions and has nothing to talk about) but eventually they're going to be older and making more of their own decisions based on their lack of connection with him. There is no reason to force them to call him. If he doesn't call, they don't talk except on the VERY rare occasion that my son wants to call.

He does bare minimum with them. They see him one evening a week when he doesn't come up with an excuse for not picking them up, no overnights at all. I tell Ex about parent-teacher conferences and school events and he doesn't show. Our son recently started a sport and we'll see if he manages to make it to any games. I did send him the game schedule just because if I didn't it's a GUARANTEE that he won't come to anything and his excuse would be my failure to give him the schedule. I know our son wants him to be there and it breaks my heart that he can't expect his father to make any effort at all.

I keep him updated not because I think he actually gives a crap but because it makes it a little harder for him to blame me (even though he will always find a way) and it puts some pressure on "Mr. Good Guy" to keep up appearances of being something like a father!

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 12:52 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a juvenile, selfish bastard! To lay that kind of guilt on his own kids!

I wouldn't "make" the kids call him. If they ask to, fine. If not, it is all on that fucktwit to be a father and call his own children. Period. The phone does work two ways...

My kids are older, but I actually have the same whiny bullshit with XPOS, and I often ask just who is the adult in their relationship, anyway? XPOS stopped calling DDs because they don't call him. Hey, fucktwit, YOU are the father/parent! YOU need to work on repairing the relationship you damaged and likely permanently destroyed. YOU need to take the initiative, NOT your kids!

Childish doesn't begin to describe it!

((April2008))


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1313 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an idiot.
Selfish a hole.
It's the kids responsiblity to call him? Really they are KIDS. Hey dad you got one of those phones that doesn't let you dial out? Cause that's the only reason I can think of that he wouldn't be responsible for calling HIS KIDS.

Douche.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8893 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phone calls to kids by STBXH, what are those? I've never heard of such a thing. DD16 and DS11 have cell phones with their Dad's phone number programmed in. My kids will occasionally text STBXH but that's about it. STBXH's phone number is posted on the fridge for DS8 to use if he wants to. Not my fault if they don't call. Not my concern if they do. Luckily, STBXH is too wrapped up in his own life to complain about it.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2092 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Lola2kids
♀ 32789
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, me too.
The girls both have cell phones with the number programmed in. Also, his home number is on the calendar in the kitchen. They never ask to call him or just go ahead and call him. I have told them that anytime they want to call, just go ahead.
He calls and will speak to one or the other but usually not both. That makes me mad.
He also sends texts that are basically copied and pasted for both. No special messages for each just the exact same message sent to both of them. They are twins so they get the carbon copy treatment.
Just a jackass I guess.
My title would have to be: "You should be glad the kids answer the phone at all!!! You ass!!!"


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Mousse242
♀ 6330
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Offer a parenting plan that includes a set scheduled time where he can call them and they will be home. Tread lightly on this one as you do not want to be hit with parental alienation.

I wouldn't tell him a thing. He wants to be involved? He can call the school. He can be in contact with the coaches. Don't spoon feed him anymore. He doesn't deserve it.

The only thing you should be conveying to him is dr. appts., medical tests, etc. and any finances - co pays, sports costs, field trip costs, etc. He can handle the rest and be a big boy.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 10

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