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Finally.. A timeline!

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Emptynester3 posted 11/13/2013 09:49 AM

After 13 months , I finally got a timeline written out from my husband. He went to work at 9:00 last night so that he could look at emails and pictures on his computer to piece it all together. He came home at 3:00 in the morning and left it on the kitchen island. It was written in story format and started with an apology , which I appreciated. At first It felt like I was reading a story, but then it became real. I've read it 3 times in the last hour and I think I'll have to make some other type of graphic timeline to keep the dates straight in my head. Still no specific dates, but there was new information that he had not previously remembered. I feel a little numb and sick to my stomach at the same time. I was hoping I would feel some sort of closure or relief, but I don't. It now feels more real than ever. I do feel though that this process for him gave him some insight. He said that looking through pictures during those 4 years made him realize how unhappy he was. I think it will take a while for me to process everything. It still feels so surreal! I'm really in a fog now. Now he wants to talk and I want to be alone.

SoVerySadNow posted 11/13/2013 10:17 AM

When Finally10 wrote his timeline for me, it was also in narrative form. He had remembered some details clearly that day when I had challenged him on the logic of something he had been claiming so he wrote it out.

It was hard to read, like you mentioned. Twistedly fascinating too. He says it was hard to write. I've read it a lot.

There are still some things that don't make sense to me, but he says it's all he remembers. Some of the new details he wrote in bothered me. He was more caring and spent more time focused in her pleasure than I was originally told. Like you, it felt more real to me after I read it. Processing is still ongoing for me. It takes time.

It was a good exercise for my WH to write it out and have to write the words down where he couldn't evade them. It sounds like it opened your H's eyes a bit too.

neverdidithink posted 11/13/2013 13:22 PM

I'm happy your got your response and hope it helps your process and begin healing, but this really concerns me:

so that he could look at emails and pictures on his computer to piece it all together
Why in hell are there still pictures and emails on his work computer for him to reference? After 13 months that stuff should be long gone, no?

Emptynester3 posted 11/13/2013 14:13 PM

The emails were related to work events(not involving her) and the pictures were of our family events. There were no emails or pictures involving OW. He was trying to figure out a timeline based only on work and home related events going on during the affair.

neverdidithink posted 11/13/2013 16:15 PM

Ahh, thanks for the clarification. I wanted to bop him!

3kids30years posted 11/13/2013 16:59 PM

Congratulations on getting a timeline. I'm at 8 months and still waiting. I am not holding my breath.

I also want to see it in black and white, I want him to have to write it out, to think about all the time he wasted, to see what he did. I think a narrative, with thoughts and feelings, would be very helpful for both of us.

I know it will be tough to read, but I really do think it is better to get it out there. Not dwell on it and wonder for the next 50 years (yes, I plan to live to be 103 )


Knowing posted 11/14/2013 17:41 PM

I would not agree to R without a timeline! How do you heal if you don't know what you're healing from?

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