Topic: Temporary Visition/Custody Standoff with Infant
Member # 39036
| Posted: 11:16 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
My STBXH will not agree to the temporary time sharing agreement my attorney and I have proposed. He won't submit his financial affidavit and he says he will only agree to an every other week time sharing scenario...not even temporarily until we get final judgement.
Our DS is almost 9 months old. We are going on 7 weeks since I moved 3 hours away. I've said to STBXH that he can come and visit the baby whenever he wants until we have a SIGNED TEMPORARY AGREEMENT in place. He won't agree to the every other weekend arrangement and in the meantime he has not come to see his son. He leaves me voicemails with veiled threats, insults, and false accusations of kidnapping.
After a recent email exchange with him where I stated, yet again, that he can come see DS whenever he wants but I won't hand him over for overnight visitation without that signed agreement, my attorney suggested we up it to the 1st, 2nd, and 4th weekend.
I know my attorney is just trying to come to some kind of compromise here...and I've responded to her today saying that I'm not comfortable with that. I didn't even know where STBXH lived until recently and had to request photos to see if it was suitable for an infant. He's only ever had him on two overnight visits before and that was when he was living out of the guest room at his sister's house. It was actually his sister who watched the baby while I was sick.
In any case...what would you do? Stick to your guns and wait until we are in front of a judge just to get the temporary orders?
I know what he is doing. He wants an every other week custody so he doesn't have to pay child support and his parent's can watch the baby.
I'm just steamed my attorney is so quick to adjust the temporary time sharing proposal.
Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.
Posts: 403 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 36883
| Posted: 12:41 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
I have heard that children this young usually do not have overnights, but you may want to wait for those that have been through it with kids that young.
Me personally...stick to your guns. You know it in your gut that his actions are shady and that he is not forthcoming with information.
And honey, you need to get a new lawyer. A lawyer can suggest different things, but she seems to be out of her comfort zone here to buckle that early on something that is CLEARLY a sticking point for you.
Also, no judge will give him 50/50 with you being so far away, the travel expense alone as well as the child's age just doesn't make this fesible. Can you hold out until court?
Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.
1/26/15 - Started IC for me, DH won't go.
Posts: 1924 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 25086
| Posted: 12:55 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
Once again in my state the baby wouldn't even have to stay overnight every other weekend let alone for a week at a time. I would tell your attorney no way.
Posts: 524 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 40229
| Posted: 1:09 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
Your STBXH makes me sick to my stomach.
He whines and cries all day and night about not seeing his kid, but has been given every opportunity to see his kid.
HE has made HIS choices and isn't owning them, any of them. You owe him nothing more than you have already so generously offered.
He is still trying to control you.
Be fair, like you have been, but stay firm.
It is his choice not to agree to a TEMPORARY agreement.
He, of course, is going to continue whining and bashing you every chance he gets. Don't give in to it. This is your kid and you have to do what's best for the child. This should be your matra because it is the court systems in every state's mantra.
Save everything. You may need it later for a protective/restraining order.
I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
Posts: 2806 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 3703
| Posted: 2:37 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
I would fight this one to the bitter end.
D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
Posts: 3823 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 10506
| Posted: 2:51 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
Of stbx will not agree to the temp proposal that you sent then you need to get a court date for temp orders ASAP. Let the judge tell him that it is not in the best interest of a baby to be shuffled back and forth. And if your current L will not get you a court date, then get a new L.
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Member # 24961
| Posted: 2:53 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
Stop communicating with him. You don't have to answer his rants. You have explained the situation and how it will work until the temp orders are in place. You don't need to answer anything on that topic again. Ignore him. Really. I mean it. He knows how he can see his son, and he refuses. His problem, not yours.
BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Posts: 5744 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 33226
| Posted: 2:55 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
Does STBX have a lawyer? Every other week is NOT in that baby's best interest. Stick to your guns.
You can call me NIK
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Posts: 28379 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 38020
| Posted: 3:17 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
Stick to your guns and wait for a judge. You should have a temp hearing ASAP.
As a matter of fact, save the voicemails he has left for you, put them on a tape, and play it for the judge during your hearing.
I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
Posts: 873 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 38378
| Posted: 3:41 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
NC is a good thing when this goes on.
Sometimes it becomes a bit of a power trip or "what can I get away with" type of thing.
I have an infant also and his father comes once a week, not enough either.
I don't have really any active advice but wanted to chime in and say you're not alone in this battle. It becomes about them at some point and even kids don't matter.
The first lawyer I had was that way and it got old and costly and besides this, X didn't follow the schedule anyway but tried to make his own.
If you have an issue like this that is very important, stand your ground because you could get walked on and it will only get worse.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Posts: 2524 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 32554
| Posted: 8:14 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013|
Maybe some of this information will be helpful:
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
Posts: 10484 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 18442
| Posted: 8:23 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013|
"Stop communicating with him. You don't have to answer his rants. You have explained the situation and how it will work until the temp orders are in place. You don't need to answer anything on that topic again. Ignore him. Really. I mean it. He knows how he can see his son, and he refuses. His problem, not yours."
Agreed. hes playing here. he has not seen his son in all that time? sounds like he just wants to fight then. No contact
6/07 EX had MANY affairs.
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
Posts: 732 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 39668
| Posted: 9:01 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013|
I have to agree. NC him and, if he tries to contact you, save his messages. Be as strategic as possible. He knows your position. There is no new ground to cover here.
And I also have to agree this L sounds like she might be milking you a bit. I don't even have kids and the schedule she's suggested at DS's age sounds crazy to me. I'd be careful!
BS / D
Posts: 867 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 31229
| Posted: 5:19 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013|
I want to know if I'm understanding this correctly - your lawyer is advising you to consider handing your nine month old over to your pos ex every 1st, 2nd and 4th weekend in exchange for him giving up on the every other week?! Hell. To. The. No!!! Agree with the others. Stick to your guns on this one. If it goes in front of a judge the fact that he has made no attempt to visit his son, which he just misses SO much (gag!) really plays in your favor.
I don't know if I've said this yet but I remember when you first posted what was going on and the awesome SIers who've btdt advised you to move now before your ex filed and basically held you hostage. I am so glad for you that you took that advice! Your ex sounds like a prick and I'm willing to bed that good ole mom and dad are behind this. Stick to your guns, mama!
Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 34697
| Posted: 6:10 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013|
Does your state have standard visitation guidelines? Mine does and infants do not spend the night away from their primary caregiver.
Your lawyer seriously wants you to give up 3 out of 4 weekends...with an infant??? This is bullshit. Stick to what your gut is telling you. He is not going to get very far in front of a judge if he isn't even attempting to visit his child.
Stop answering his mantrums.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
Posts: 4956 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 6330
| Posted: 6:19 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013|
document every threat, every time he doesn't agree to your proposals, etc. Make sure the court is aware of them.
Do not give you baby visitation without having anything in writing.
Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Member # 37776
| Posted: 12:50 AM, November 18th (Monday), 2013|
So sorry you have to deal with all this nonsense, babies are exhausting under the best of circumstances! Any chance you are nursing the babe because Fathers can't do that! Not trying to pry but it could help with visitation if you are breastfeeding your little one.) All the best Jamie
BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2013!
Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
|Topic Posts: 17|