Dday was May 2011.
I asked him to leave on Dday, & our separation lasted for 5 mos because he would not stop contact with OW.
We are still trying to R, still going to MC.
I thought I would be feeling much better by now, & that we would be much further along in R.
I think we are not further along because:
1. WH still works in the same building as OW. He states he does everything in his power to avoid her, but how would I know? I am not there. Every morning when he leaves for work, & every lunch hour or eve when I don't know where he is, I start getting suspicious.
2. WH has stated that he is sorry several times, & that he has learned from his mistake. However, he has not shared any of his inner journey with me. He still states that he doesn't want to read any articles I give him or come on this site because "he is not a cheater" ( see my post in R forum from last week). He still calls his A : "one mistake" ( It was an EA/PA lasting around 9 mos, altho he claims the physical part lasted only 8 days, & there was a lot of sneaking around & lying straight to my face, & IN FRONT OF THE MC).
The sum total of all this is that I don't feel safe. For him to tell me that he didn't know anything was going on between them
until
"she threw herself on him, kissed him, & said 'I have such a crush on you, why don't I be your mistress" [they were alone in his car when this happened after eating lunch together]
this ^^^^^^^
does not leave me feeling very safe. But every time we try to talk about it, he says "we've been thru this already, there's nothing to talk about." I really don't think he is malicious, I just think he is clueless. But he is not willing to look at it.
I guess many here would say that he is not acting truly remorseful.
So, I feel between a rock & a hard place. We are 2 1/2 yrs out, &, yes, we are getting along better than ever, things are very nice between us day to day, but I still have this big wound, & I don't trust him.
3.I know that I have PTSD because this is my 2nd marriage & I was betrayed by both men that I took vows with. The first time, I ended our M on Dday (we had no children). This time, I wasn't making a decision just for myself----there were our 4 kids to think about.
I just wish I had known about this site on Dday---I would have handled everything so much differently. I definitely would NOT have been so nice . I have been extremely co dependent with WH and sacrificed myself.
If you asked WH how things are now, he would say "great", because to some extent I have let hims sweep everything under the rug. I know I made the right decision for the kids, because things feel normal in the house again, & I pray they were not terribly damaged from what WH did.
But I am still in a lot of pain.
In fact, if WH does not make more of an effort to help me heal, I plan to leave once we have an empty nest.
(((TCD))))
[This message edited by mchercheur at 7:58 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]