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Newest Member: Maggie1000 (45722)

User Topic: Concerns...
betrayedme2
♂ 40639
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Dday is coming up on 10 months ago. R was very rocky for about the first half, the latter half has given me hope.

The past two or so weeks, I think I have finally seen true remorse. It hurts to see her in so much pain, but yet it's healing to me.

I guess that's not what I'm really wanting to get off my chest. My WW has self esteem issues that she's finally seeing a therapist about. YES!! I truly feel that was part of her A and sexting. During the past couple of weeks though, she also seems like a teenage girl whose heart has been broken. Through bit's and pieces, it seems like the HW may have broken the A off with her telling her "why be with you when I can have prettier, younger women?" First what kind of man would say that in any situation? Secondly, I have mixed feelings that she's giving me this information. I'm glad she's talking to me, giving me details, and confiding in me, but at the same time I'm hurt that he may actually have been the one to break it off, and further that she seems to be morning the break of that relationship. She says it's completely over, doesn't ever want to see him again, would spit on his grave, etc..but again seems like a dumped teenager.She's even Googled how to ruin someone's life and how to "text bomb" during this time period. I worry he'll be in a low and call her for a booty call and how she'll handle it. He's a user of people and wouldn't put it past him. Her low self esteem is real though and I want to help. Some times I believe her about her feelings for him (being over), some times not so much. They were friends for 8 yrs and PA for 5yrs. She does encouraging things, like blocking FB of anybody and everybody that "he" may know. Otherwise our relationship has been great and loving.

Other things that bother me. Wearing tops to work that can ride low to show cleavage. Some she has to make an effort to pull up. I've told her this bothers me and she does try to make efforts to keep them pulled up. With her figure, I can see where this a problem. I've gone shopping with her and it is hard to find workplace tops for her that don't ride down. Still, it bothers me, especially when I know she works with a lot of men. Good thing there is that with her new job, I'm not kept "hidden" like I was with her former job. Today she Googled "cleavage" emoticons while at work. Our sex life has been great lately and we tease around a LOT more than ever, but with everything that's happened, how can I be sure it was innocent and not meant to be used for someone else?

Anyway, wanted to get this off my chest. Sorry for a long post. I'll talk with her tonight, at least about the Google searches. There's been several that I've raised my eyebrow at but haven't said anything. Besides, hate to divulge how I know what she's searched for (although I've told her in the past, must have forgotten?) Just keeping my eyes open now.


dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21
Reconciling

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
plainpain
♀ 40139
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. That must be very difficult to see your spouse hurting over the break-up of another relationship. It sounds like it's a very good idea for her to get some help with her self-esteem issues. For people with low self-esteem, rejection is hard - even if you're being rejected by people you hate. Women also have been known to have this thing where, even if we don't want a man ourselves, we want him to pine away for us. The whole 'moving on' thing can be hard on our ego.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 2

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