I would say pretty much exactly what AN's H said - answers built trust; when I got the same answer to the same question at different times, my trust level increased; when my W answered difficult questions without defensiveness, despite her shame and guilt, my trust increased. So answering Qs tends to be very good for R.
Sometime during the 2nd year, I started asking myself why I was asking each question. If I thought asking would lead to a positive outcome for me, I'd actually ask the Q. If I didn't see a positive outcome for me, I tended not to ask.
Sometimes I realized I wanted to hurt my W by asking a nasty Q. When that happened, I realized I was hurting, and instead of trying to hurt her, I asked for support.
In other words, IMO, sometimes the way to go is to ask the Q. Sometimes it's better to ask for something other than answers.
With a D-Day 3 months ago, though, my bet is that it's too early to 2nd guess your Qs. I suspect the best way for you to heal is to ask just about any Q that occurs to you.
Since your H is balking, you might come to arrangement of asking is a more structured way - maybe an hour every 1 or 2 or 3 or 7 days, or asking in writing, or something like that.
