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TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/13/2013 19:19 PM

We were going to take a break tonight from talking about it.
We were tired and just wanted to hangout and enjoy each other. That was the plan.
He gets home and gives me his phone. She called twice. First- he just hung up. She called back while he was working and it went to voicemail.
I heard her voice. She saw us in the grocery store on Monday. She told him it broke her heart and she can't stand to have him look right through her. (He says he ddnt see her- based in hi behavior at te store i believe him). She only wanted him happy and she was glad to see that he was with me. She only wants him to be happy and she won't call him or text again.

Barf.
Then... She texted.
"I hate you for settling"

Wow. Very proud of hubby for sharing. But wow.
So now we talk. Oh.... When I say it was like d day all over again. Oh boy..
I asked questions he tried to answer them- why did she say settling? What did you say about me? Remember the words!!! You have to tell me EXACTLY what you did and said the WHOLE TIME!
It was awful. I was so lost.
But... He offered to sit down and write it all down. He asked for a few days and said that when the kids go to his moms on Saturday, he will sit down an write everything for me.
I don't want him to hurt- I told him that- but yes... Am I wrong? Should I just say "it's okay baby..."?!?
I told him we'd talk on Saturday but that this was our "relax" night and we didn't need to talk about it. He said it was okay. And I said, no. Tonight we just enjoy each other. She attempted contact on the wrong day and we are not going to deal with it right now.
She will not do that to me. She is not in control and she has no place here.

Wait a few- I may have to post in General So that I can properly express my feelings toward her.

I'm trying to keep calm and not give her anymore of my time tonight.
He asked if I was okay while we made dinner. I was. We enjoyed the kids and the meal. We laughed and talked and did not dwell on it.
I told him I was still processing and there were no guarantees about any delayed reactions, but for right then, I was good.

Stay tuned for part two when it actually HITS me.

Thanks friends!

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/13/2013 19:22 PM

Oh!!
And am I crazy for sitting here and trying to remember WHAT THE HELL I WORE THAT DAY?!? I KNOW it was a bad hair day because I said that to my H right before we walked in the store.
Aaaargh. This sucks.

Blobette posted 11/13/2013 19:54 PM

Why hasn't he blocked her/changed his phone number?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/13/2013 20:29 PM

He had his number in his phone an on d day he deleted it. When we talked about blocking it, he didn't know her number. And the first two calls were from "unknown caller".
When he heard her voice the first time he hung up.

bionicgal posted 11/13/2013 20:58 PM

Oy. I am so sorry! I am finding I want to name call as well!

I think you will find that this actually brings you two closer -- not what she expects, but that is what will happen. She is grasping at straws. . trying to bandage her ego. Let her have her little temper tantrum.

This last weekend OW acted out in a very small way, but just seeing my H actually feel irritated at her for trying to cast a pall on our day made me see how much he has changed. It actually helped and made me feel closer to him.

Don't let her throw you back into the past. She is telling herself a lie, which may or may not have been part of their fiction. Who cares. It is over, and she is over.

And I guess it is time to change that # if you can.

Jrazz posted 11/13/2013 21:11 PM

Has an NC declaration been made? It may be time for a concise, "I'm not settling. I love my wife and I want a life with her and nobody else. Don't even contact me again or I will involve my lawyer."

You are handling this like a champ. It's ok to fall apart later if you need to - working through this as a team will make you stronger.

Big hugs.

ILINIA posted 11/13/2013 21:19 PM

((wondertwin)) I would have been a basket case too, hell, I would have grabbed the phone and sent something I would have regretted later!

Make sure you block phone, email, everything.

Hang in there.

plainpain posted 11/13/2013 21:31 PM

Wow, please post in General next time, because I want to go OFF. I agree, a very curt NC order would be awesome. "You misunderstood the nature of our relationship. I am where I want to be. Do not contact me again."

karmahappens posted 11/13/2013 22:52 PM

You both handled this so well.

I remember after dday my H got a text from OW.

"another day wasted"

If we weren't in recon I would tell you what I said, but I caught myself.

And this...

I don't want him to hurt- I told him that- but yes... Am I wrong? Should I just say "it's okay baby..."?!?

Never.

It's not ok and he needs the time and opportunity to make things right. It's part of his healing too, don't take that away from him.

(((hugs))) for later, in case it does hit hard.

You will be ok.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/14/2013 05:47 AM

Thank you so much everyone!
I am smiles right now- :)
We had a great evening- NO TALK OF HER!
It was so enjoyable.
We had a great "cuddle"(wink wink nod nod .. Know what I mean?) last night and again this morning.
No tears, no silences... No pretending.
It was lovely.
This is still an issue and it will be dealt with- I am a little shaken- but making the decision to take back our night was the best thing we could have done.
VICTORY IS MINE- for today :)

A secret for you all- probably not so good- but when he told me he didn't know her number after he deleted it from contacts, I was disapointed. atthe time, I actually wanted to know her number so I could check phone records and possibly call her someday- that was a long time ago. We did send NC and I have full access to everything. But there was always a small part of me that didn't want to NOT have her number. I have it now. We are going to block it. But... There was a small evil part of me that wanted to have it - you know, just in case.

I still may post in general- there is definitely some hidden frustrations here.... i didn't want to last night because it woul have taken me to a dark place and I just wanted to be with him.

I feel rested, I feel focused, and I don't hate him right now.
She is throwing tantrums. Let her.