Barf. Then... She texted. "I hate you for settling"
Wow. Very proud of hubby for sharing. But wow. So now we talk. Oh.... When I say it was like d day all over again. Oh boy.. I asked questions he tried to answer them- why did she say settling? What did you say about me? Remember the words!!! You have to tell me EXACTLY what you did and said the WHOLE TIME! It was awful. I was so lost. But... He offered to sit down and write it all down. He asked for a few days and said that when the kids go to his moms on Saturday, he will sit down an write everything for me. I don't want him to hurt- I told him that- but yes... Am I wrong? Should I just say "it's okay baby..."?!? I told him we'd talk on Saturday but that this was our "relax" night and we didn't need to talk about it. He said it was okay. And I said, no. Tonight we just enjoy each other. She attempted contact on the wrong day and we are not going to deal with it right now. She will not do that to me. She is not in control and she has no place here.
Wait a few- I may have to post in General So that I can properly express my feelings toward her.
I'm trying to keep calm and not give her anymore of my time tonight. He asked if I was okay while we made dinner. I was. We enjoyed the kids and the meal. We laughed and talked and did not dwell on it. I told him I was still processing and there were no guarantees about any delayed reactions, but for right then, I was good.
Stay tuned for part two when it actually HITS me.
Thanks friends!
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I think you will find that this actually brings you two closer -- not what she expects, but that is what will happen. She is grasping at straws. . trying to bandage her ego. Let her have her little temper tantrum.
This last weekend OW acted out in a very small way, but just seeing my H actually feel irritated at her for trying to cast a pall on our day made me see how much he has changed. It actually helped and made me feel closer to him.
Don't let her throw you back into the past. She is telling herself a lie, which may or may not have been part of their fiction. Who cares. It is over, and she is over.
And I guess it is time to change that # if you can.
You are handling this like a champ. It's ok to fall apart later if you need to - working through this as a team will make you stronger.
Big hugs.
Make sure you block phone, email, everything.
Hang in there.
I remember after dday my H got a text from OW.
"another day wasted"
If we weren't in recon I would tell you what I said, but I caught myself.
And this...
I don't want him to hurt- I told him that- but yes... Am I wrong? Should I just say "it's okay baby..."?!?
Never.
It's not ok and he needs the time and opportunity to make things right. It's part of his healing too, don't take that away from him.
(((hugs))) for later, in case it does hit hard.
You will be ok.
A secret for you all- probably not so good- but when he told me he didn't know her number after he deleted it from contacts, I was disapointed. atthe time, I actually wanted to know her number so I could check phone records and possibly call her someday- that was a long time ago. We did send NC and I have full access to everything. But there was always a small part of me that didn't want to NOT have her number. I have it now. We are going to block it. But... There was a small evil part of me that wanted to have it - you know, just in case.
I still may post in general- there is definitely some hidden frustrations here.... i didn't want to last night because it woul have taken me to a dark place and I just wanted to be with him.
I feel rested, I feel focused, and I don't hate him right now. She is throwing tantrums. Let her.
