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Newest Member: kdeegandy (46044)

User Topic: i dont know if i like my wh
Gottagetthrough
27325
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm. I really don't know if I like him. Maybe I'm just staying for the kids?

I like him as a person, but he treats me poorly. I dont even know if he like me.


After all this R, I just feel like throwing in the towel. Someone out there must want to talk to me and tell me they like my dinners, that I'm pretty, and that they live me, right? Could it be my wh? I don't know?


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jan 2010
Gottagetthrough
27325
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Darn iPhone, they Love me. Not live me

Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jan 2010
Newme123
♀ 41119
Member # 41119
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry your wh doesn't tell you he loves you. You do deserve that. We all deserve someone who will love and cherish us.


Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R

Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Texas
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Gotta

So what does the future you want to have look like?

Do you feel you have to stay for the kids?
Do you not recognize that YOU deserve to be loved and cherished and your kids deserve to see parents who create a loving home?

I bet you make some kick ass dinners and your beauty is obvious if you have tried all this time to R.

Is it time to look at what you need, what you want and what type of happy future you can have? Is your H capable of sharing that kind of life with you?

You deserve it, it's time to start living like you know it.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Gottagetthrough
27325
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. I talked to wh this morning and he said stuff at work is stressful and apologize d. Eh. I still dont feel like I'm committed to the marriage. I'm committed to the kids and my lifestyle, including stuff like money and not sharing holidays.

But wh? I do like him when he's nice. When he tells a joke or does something nice or just looks at me a certain way, I think, yeah, I do love this guy. That my Husband. I want to be with him.

But when he's a jerk, which has been often lately, I am ready to just bail on the marriage. Its like he owes me niceness for agreeing to R.


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jan 2010
soconfusednow
♀ 40078
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When he tells a joke or does something nice or just looks at me a certain way, I think, yeah, I do love this guy. That my Husband. I want to be with him.

But when he's a jerk, which has been often lately, I am ready to just bail on the marriage.


If you want to stay with him, but are just having a hard time liking him try this.

Once a day think of something about him or something he did that you like. Some days it will be really hard and others it will be easy. It could be anything, a look, taking care of a plate after dinner, a kiss, going to work to support the family, however big or small if you dig really deep hopefully you can find at least one thing. On good days it may be several.

Write it down.

Keep it for yourself to read when your ready to throw in the towel. Or better yet, share it with him so he can see your appreciation & you can both be blessed by it.


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Gottagetthrough
27325
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Write it down.

Keep it for yourself to read when your ready to throw in the towel. Or better yet, share it with him so he can see your appreciation & you can both be blessed by it.


thank you for this idea. it is really wonderful/


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jan 2010
IDeserveMore
♀ 40460
Member # 40460
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I know how you feel. Aside from the cheating and years of TT, there are still so many things I don't like about my husband.

narcissistic
judgmental
selfish
terrible in bed

You know, little things like that :)

And then I put it ALL together and I just am not feeling it.

Every once in a while he'll do something thoughtful. And I could do the thing of writing it down or telling him. It would just be so little relative to everything else.

It's very sad isn't it. How far we come from what we once thought of them. What we once thought our marriages would be like.


Me BS 45, him 48, 16yo DD and 13yo DS
DD#1 1998, DD#2 2004
6 years of TT yields chronicity.
I may never get over it.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Aug 2013
storm77
♀ 40277
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gottagetthrough,
I do not..repeat do not like me husband at all right now. He is selfish jerk. I am staying for the same reasons right now. My kids are the only thing keeping me from running(not walking) out the door.
Soconfusednow,
I really like the idea of writing down the nice things he does but I do not think I will share any of it for a very long time. I always told H what I loved and appreciated. At this point I just think it made me look like a doormat and he stepped all over my heart.
Ehh I guess I can always share these thoughts with the kids later so that do not hate H. Thanks for the idea.


Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
betraydtwice
38921
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not like my H. I may have some remaining love(what little that's left), but like the person he is? No No No...was this man always such an ass?? Why did I never see this before? Was I crazy? Am I crazy now for staying??

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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