I feel for you. I have one teenager. It is so hard being a teenager but then throw in a divorce on top of it and there is a lot going on within them. I keep saying why he have to do this now?! When DS was starting hs and going through so much and needs his father more than anything. What a selfish coward! Somedays I'm just at a loss as to what to do but I understand he has to work through the pain also.
I have three of them and it is very difficult. I also get very little help....actually I get no help with parenting. He calls them maybe once a week and sees them once every couple months for a couple hours....he has no desire to do any real parenting. I asked him once in a text if he even wanted me to let him know when I had issues with the kids. His response was...you can pull me in and I'll tell you what I think. I did try that a couple time though....got no response at all...asshole.
My kids have each handled everything so differently, so I had to handle things differently with each one of them. My youngest was the only one who got angry with me, and who I know at the time also blamed me for his dad leaving. He is also the one who has always tried so hard for his dad's approval. Because of this, I knew why he was taking his anger out on me. I was the safe one, and even though it was hard, I didn't take it personally. He could be mad at me and he knew I would still be there for him. After some time that anger directed at me did stop. He even told me one day when he caught me crying, that one day dad would regret leaving and when he came back I would be the one telling him that I don't want him anymore. Love that kid..
The other two have directed all of their anger at their dad which is hard also, because quite frankly it's pretty hard to try and defend/explain that asshole in any way. Mostly I just say "your dad is going through something, but I know that he does love you".... Pisses me off cause you shouldn't have to try and convince your kids that their dad really does love them!
The one thing that I think that has really help all of them is that I always try to be honest with them. They ask....I answer. I also try very hard not to speak bad about the asshole in front of them. I don't always succeed in that but I try, and when I fail, I always apologize to them and let them know I shouldn't have said that and it was done out of anger.
It has been almost a year now since he blew up our lives, and the relationship I have with all three of them has gotten so much stronger and I cherish that. With having to deal with their dad walking out on all of us....I wouldn't say that has gotten better so much as they have just gotten use to it.
In the early days, I hated biting my tongue when they went on and on about how great dad's new place was, and all the fun stuff they did ( that dried up in a couple of months, I guess the Disney dad pesonna was too hard for him to maintain), but it's harder to see the pain of knowing that your dad not only threw your mom away, but is "through" with you too.
Teens are hard. I had a nightmare with my son for years with two of us parenting. But he did come out of it and our relationship is great now.
Teen angst doesn't mean you are their punchbag. They can express their feelings but I drew the line at acting out, the whole house filled with their misery and moods.
It is unfair. I know, I feel totally conned by my STBX. He is not the man he represented himself to be. It's natural to feel resentful and abandoned. He has abandoned you and his children and for what!
