Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: FaithGrace

Divorce/Separation :
Feeling deserted...

This Topic is Archived
default

 Tripletrouble (original poster member #39169) posted at 3:05 AM on Thursday, November 14th, 2013

It's so unfair. The cheating, the lying and now being left with two angry, hurt teenagers to parent with little help. I feel so damn robbed and abandoned. Teens are hard enough but throw divorce in there and wow, it's teen angst squared. I'm so hurt and exhausted. Please tell me it gets better.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6561115
default

dmari ( member #37215) posted at 4:12 AM on Thursday, November 14th, 2013

I'm right there with you. I also have two hurt teens. I totally understand the exhaustion. It does and will get better but it takes time, healing, rebuilding and getting used to the "new normal". I also get no help from stbx so no "breaks". I've learned that you need to carve space for yourself. You have to take care of you. Are your teens in IC? Are your children taking out their anger on you? If they are, please get them into therapy. It is so hard to be a teenager ~ throw divorce in the mix and it's just so so difficult for them to deal with EVERYTHING. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. (((((Tripletrouble)))))

posts: 2868   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2012
id 6561160
default

Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 4:14 AM on Thursday, November 14th, 2013

(((Tripletrouble)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6561162
default

Lost15 ( member #40898) posted at 4:49 AM on Thursday, November 14th, 2013

(((Hugs)))

I feel for you. I have one teenager. It is so hard being a teenager but then throw in a divorce on top of it and there is a lot going on within them. I keep saying why he have to do this now?! When DS was starting hs and going through so much and needs his father more than anything. What a selfish coward! Somedays I'm just at a loss as to what to do but I understand he has to work through the pain also.

me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.
Divorced: Jan 27,2015 (Ds 16th BDay)He rem

posts: 118   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2013
id 6561188
default

Darcy3 ( member #39696) posted at 7:18 AM on Thursday, November 14th, 2013

(((Hugs)))

I have three of them and it is very difficult. I also get very little help....actually I get no help with parenting. He calls them maybe once a week and sees them once every couple months for a couple hours....he has no desire to do any real parenting. I asked him once in a text if he even wanted me to let him know when I had issues with the kids. His response was...you can pull me in and I'll tell you what I think. I did try that a couple time though....got no response at all...asshole.

My kids have each handled everything so differently, so I had to handle things differently with each one of them. My youngest was the only one who got angry with me, and who I know at the time also blamed me for his dad leaving. He is also the one who has always tried so hard for his dad's approval. Because of this, I knew why he was taking his anger out on me. I was the safe one, and even though it was hard, I didn't take it personally. He could be mad at me and he knew I would still be there for him. After some time that anger directed at me did stop. He even told me one day when he caught me crying, that one day dad would regret leaving and when he came back I would be the one telling him that I don't want him anymore. Love that kid..

The other two have directed all of their anger at their dad which is hard also, because quite frankly it's pretty hard to try and defend/explain that asshole in any way. Mostly I just say "your dad is going through something, but I know that he does love you".... Pisses me off cause you shouldn't have to try and convince your kids that their dad really does love them!

The one thing that I think that has really help all of them is that I always try to be honest with them. They ask....I answer. I also try very hard not to speak bad about the asshole in front of them. I don't always succeed in that but I try, and when I fail, I always apologize to them and let them know I shouldn't have said that and it was done out of anger.

It has been almost a year now since he blew up our lives, and the relationship I have with all three of them has gotten so much stronger and I cherish that. With having to deal with their dad walking out on all of us....I wouldn't say that has gotten better so much as they have just gotten use to it.

Me = BS
Him = WS
3 teenagers
Married 24 years
D-Day: Nov. 10, 2012
Divorced

posts: 63   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2013
id 6561249
default

LadyQ ( member #32847) posted at 2:31 PM on Thursday, November 14th, 2013

Hugs to all. It is tough. While my kids father sees them every other weekend, he doesn't actually do much parenting. They mostly do nothing. He manages to find some enthusiasm when the girlfriend is around, but I think it's all for show. He won't reach out to my middle child at all, even though she has tried to approach him about what she's feeling. She won't go over there but about once a month. And after the last time I talked to x about it and he lambasted me about not making her go, I refuse to do any more to foster her relationship with him. It's so sad, because she really was daddy's little girl,and she now feels replaced by his girlfriend and all her brats.

In the early days, I hated biting my tongue when they went on and on about how great dad's new place was, and all the fun stuff they did ( that dried up in a couple of months, I guess the Disney dad pesonna was too hard for him to maintain), but it's harder to see the pain of knowing that your dad not only threw your mom away, but is "through" with you too.

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

posts: 1650   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2011
id 6561468
default

jemimapd ( member #37895) posted at 3:52 AM on Friday, November 15th, 2013

(((Triple)))

Teens are hard. I had a nightmare with my son for years with two of us parenting. But he did come out of it and our relationship is great now.

Teen angst doesn't mean you are their punchbag. They can express their feelings but I drew the line at acting out, the whole house filled with their misery and moods.

It is unfair. I know, I feel totally conned by my STBX. He is not the man he represented himself to be. It's natural to feel resentful and abandoned. He has abandoned you and his children and for what!

Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

posts: 726   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2012
id 6562568
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy