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I just posted in the General Forum and realized my DDay was yesterday of last year. Until a few minutes ago, I kept thinking it was next week. What is that about? I can remember how I found out, the texts she sent, the movie my FWH and I were watching when he received them, the gut wrenching feeling I got as I read them, the lies he told to try and cover their butts, every last horrid detail. So why did I not realize that yesterday was the day my supposedly happy life came to a screeching halt?

I don't think this is a result of healing or forgiveness because the anger, fear, and hurt are very much a part of me. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry right now. I hate hate hate all of this crap my FWH brought onto us. Right now, I really hate that I still love him.

I did that for one of my DD's as well. Missed it completely until the next day.
My feeling on the matter is that I have ALL kinds of stuff flying around in my brain and this little tidbit just got lost in the shuffle.

Either that or my body decided I couldn't take any more and spared me so I wouldn't up and keel over!

I had a pretty intense distraction on my first antiversary - my sister had given birth and was in the hospital with a dangerous infection so I stayed at her house helping to take care of my newborn nephew. It wasn't the happiest of circumstances, but I was lucky on the count that I got to spend time with my favorite little fella, and I hardly noticed the date or time due to lack of sleep.

Distraction is key right now. Anything you can do to get out of your own head will make this time more bearable, and next year the emotions hopefully won't be as intense.

(((disillusioned12)))

Thanks for helping me feel like I'm not alone.