What should i do? Should i try to it aside and be with WW as part of the healing and R or should i avoid it?
Right now i feel us drifting more apart as she can't quite deal with what she has done and can barely look at me because she sees the pain im in.
So she goes to bed early and i stay up late because i can't sleep or get the thoughts away.
[This message edited by raich at 12:11 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by morethantrying at 3:46 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]
I had to re-claim him. He was mine!
It was good sex (HB)
Nearly a year later .... its still good sex.
I got TT and finally got the whole truth Oct past. HB wasn't so good this time.
Trust that I had built up for 10 mths were again shattered .... so this time I slapped him!
Much better than sex!
The mental movies stopped, but the pain just continued. It just hurts so much.
((((Hugs)))) to you.
Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.
My wife cries after orgasms now....I want to cry sometimes during and after sex too.
I have no answers for you other then to say sex is important...and when it is not right, it affects most other aspects of the relationship.
We are about once every 10-14 days now....and it is fine by both of us. We were a 2-5 times a week couple pre-A....so way off the mark. But we had intimacy issues pre-A that neither of us wanted to face.
God help us all....I pray time and continued attempts at sex will improve our sex life.
I do miss sex.....wife and I agreed no sexual gratification outside of together period....including no self gratification.
Are you in counseling?
Our MC was lack luster as a MC...so we are currently not in counseling.
I am reading up on sex and intimacy...it is very different to a man and to a woman. no surprise there....just havent learned enough to actually put something into practice.
We did NOT have HB sex...
Mind movies suck.....but at 14 months out I can ride through them most of the time. I think mind movies are one of the reasons I am fine with the infrequency of our love making. sigh. I regularly pray for courage.
Peace to you.
If you have both gone and had testing, and everything is all clear, and you have desire to be with her, then by all means go for it.
Many of us struggle with what our brains are thinking while being intimate, and that can be a real struggle. This is when I switched my thought process from making love with my H to just F'ing him. I also made it very much about me, and the physical feelings, and enjoyment of it. We did have a post dday HB period where I felt the need to reclaim him, and did. But then as the reality set in, and some mind movies, it was emotionally draining, and frustrating for WS, as it would often end with me crying and nobody being satisfied (if you catch my drift). So I focused on the purely physical part of it. Which meant a discussion with H. Saying hey I am really trying here, and want to do this, but this is what is happening. I need to be the center of your attention and you to focus on makinge me feel like a queen. It worked, and honestly, switching up where, and when helped as well. A lot of quickies, so there wasn't time to stop and think about things helped too.
As I healed, I found making it just about the physical incredibly freeing, and made me stretch my sexual wings a bit. We have a great sex life now, and are very intimate with each other. I win, no more thoughts of OW in the bedroom, and I now know how to get what I want, and am lucky to have a spouse and lover that focuses on my pleasure.
Being intimate was achieved through R by other ways than having sex. He held me at night as I fell asleep, he held my hand all the time, we snuggled on the couch. Intimacy became very different in our relationship as a result of all of this, and quite honestly it's much better now than before.