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My NB just came crashing down, hugs please

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luvbug0915 posted 11/14/2013 08:49 AM

It's been coming for several months, some of you may remember back in April that SO and I had decided to split up. But then he begged me to try again, saying he couldn't loose his best friend and the love of his life.
We should have ended it then, it's so much harder now that more time has passed.
My heart is breaking but it's for the best. He brought a ton of baggage into the relationship and I thought I could handle it...I can't and it affects my overall mood and attitude every day and I have become very resentful.
We're not angry at each other, no hurtful words have been exchanged, we just came to the decision that neither of us is happy so it's time to end.
I wont be able be able to move until after the first of the year because I exhausted my savings account over the past few months helping him win custody of his DD. Plus we've had a very sick dog, $2600 and counting trying to get a diagnosis. This just blows all the way around.

She11ybeanz posted 11/14/2013 09:00 AM

((luvbug0915))

MovingUpward posted 11/14/2013 09:07 AM

(((Luvbug)))

lifestoshort posted 11/14/2013 09:16 AM

sorry. take each ended relationship as a chance to learn from it. you always gain SOMETHING! when I look at it this way, i am less sad.

Exit Wounds posted 11/14/2013 10:23 AM

((luvbug0915))

nowiknow23 posted 11/14/2013 10:31 AM

((((luvbug))))

ChoosingHope posted 11/14/2013 11:15 AM

(((luvbug)))

better4me posted 11/14/2013 11:51 AM

(((luvbug)))

luvbug0915 posted 11/14/2013 11:55 AM

Thank you all.

lifestoshort, thanks for sharing your outlook. I hope to get to that place. I've had 3 relationships in my life. My first M of 15 yrs to my high school sweetheart, my second M of 8 yrs to xwh and this one which has lasted just over 2 yrs.
I don't see myself taking another risk with my heart...EVER... but I guess that could change on down the line.

dreamlife posted 11/14/2013 12:10 PM

Sending you huge hugs!

PS I will never fully trust again, either...sad, isn't it?

She11ybeanz posted 11/14/2013 12:26 PM

PS I will never fully trust again, either...sad, isn't it?

Me either...

BrokenDaisy posted 11/14/2013 13:52 PM

((((Luvbug))) I'm sorry you're hurting!

Dreamboat posted 11/14/2013 16:06 PM

Oh honey, I am soooo sorry

((((hugs))))

gahurts posted 11/14/2013 18:42 PM

Sorry you are hurtimg luvbug. If you lent him money to help him fight for custody of his DD, is he going to repay you?

sadcat posted 11/14/2013 20:37 PM

((((luvbug)))) I am sorry you are hurting.

jo2love posted 11/14/2013 20:39 PM

(((Luvbug)))

I'm so sorry.

NaiveAgain posted 11/14/2013 21:17 PM

((luvbug))) I am so sorry, my friend. I know it will hurt for a while.

I don't see myself taking another risk with my heart...EVER... but I guess that could change on down the line.
Yes, it will. It is amazing how resilient our hearts can be. I've thought that myself but seems like life has other plans for us sometimes. Take your time to heal, and when you are ready, allow your heart to open again.

luvbug0915 posted 11/15/2013 05:51 AM

gahurts, he is going to repay the money I've spent. I never considered it a loan, we were a team and he needed it. We always said "whats mine is yours". But it was the plan all along to replenish my savings as soon as he recovers from all the expense, he had to repay a loan from his mother as well. He told me last night his first priority is to pay me back and he should be able to make a good start with his Dec 6th pay check.
Nothing has gone as it should have financially in this R. He brings home 3 times what I do and when I moved in with him 17 months ago he told me he would pay ALL the bills so that I could focus on getting my car and my student loans paid off, he didn't want me to struggle financially if "something should happen to him". 2 months after I moved in he decided to move 20 miles further from both our jobs to be closer to where his kids lived and go to school. His fiscal irresponsibility has made it impossible for me to pay off either of my debts as he always runs out of money before the next pay day which then require me to step in with what little I have left to scrape us by until his next check.
Even living on my own, before I met and moved in with him, I was better off financially. I always had a cushion in the bank and never let it get below a certain comfort level. I've been living paycheck to paycheck since moving up here. I'll be glad to move back down closer to where I work.
If he is able to replenish my savings between that and my christmas bonus plus tax return (ASAP in Jan) I should be able to pay off my car and move into a nice apartment close to my job.
It's just going to be very hard to be in the same house with him and his kids. I can't believe he told his kids already, I feel even more awkward staying here now.

NaiveAgain posted 11/15/2013 06:09 AM

His fiscal irresponsibility has made it impossible for me to pay off either of my debts as he always runs out of money before the next pay day
My WS was like that. He was bipolar and wouldn't admit it (so no medication) so his up and down moods would have him blowing lots of money on grand schemes and it was constant chaos. That was a horrible way to live and I am still working on digging myself back out. I think once you move away you will feel a huge relief.

gahurts posted 11/15/2013 07:07 AM

I never considered it a loan, we were a team and he needed it. We always said "whats mine is yours".

Yes I certainly understand this but the situation changed and you should not be stuck because you were generous when it was needed. Now that the situation has changed I'm glad he is recognizing that.

I am really surprised that he already told his children while you are stil there. That wasn't necessary. So sorry.

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