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So I recently found out that OW and I have the same hair stylist. Since Dday , I've been able to just ask my husband if he knew if she had an appointment the same day. Now that she's gone , I could possibly be sitting under a dryer facing her at some point! My question is... should I confide in my stylist, who I've been going to for 20 years , so that she can make sure we don't ever end up there at same time? Stylist knows and likes my husband. I haven't told anyone about my husband's affair!

Do you know who OW is? I mean if she was there would you know that's OW? If so then yah I would confide in your stylist, and say hey for personal reasons can you please help me out by making sure I don't ever schedule on the same day as OW. You don't have to give details, and if she asks, and you are not confident that she will keep her mouth shut, just tell her you CANT talk about it, but would prefer to avoid her at all costs.

Since you have gone to the same person for so long, that's really what I would do, if it was a short relationship with your stylist, I would just say get a new one. You may want to try a few new ones in the mean time anyway.

One of my best friends in the world is a stylist and she is wonderfully skilled, and I love how she cuts my hair, but I rarely go to her just becasue it's not convientent. She live at the other end of town, and takes planning to see her, where as if I just need a cut I run to great clips.

Your stylist may already know. You do not necessarily have to tell her why you do not want to share styling days. Ask for her confidence about the request.

Why did your H know her schedule after DDay? My H would not even know my salon schedule.

I've known OW for 12 years. Haven't talked to her in the last 3-4 years though ... She was avoiding me I guess. It' a small office situation and because her schedule is part time and flexible, she always tells someone in the office if she is leaving for an appointment or coming in late for some reason. My husband could find out from receptionist or someone else in the office. I know my stylist doesn't know because she 's always saying what a great guy my husband is. She used to work in same salon as my husband's hairdresser and they are still friends. Right after Dday, my husband had been featured in a magazine as one of the best dressed men in the area and my stylist had copies of the magazine in the salon . Unless I tell her why I need to avoid OW, it would be very out of character for me to say I need to avoid this person.

OMG - that's the worst.

True story: about a month and a half after Dday, I was getting my hair done and his hooker - hooker!!! - sat in the chair next to me (yes, I knew who she was, her website was very explicit). I almost threw up. And I've never gone back.

Moral of the story: if you feel comfortable asking your stylist to give you the heads up so you don't book appointments at the same time, do. A good stylist is hard to find!

Something I learned the hard way was that you can control who you tell, but you have no control over how they react to the information and if they tell other people.

I told one person, my best friend for over half my life, and even though I specifically stated many times that I was not ready for anyone else to know she told 2 people. This was very out of character as I trusted her immensely, and it was another painful betrayal during a time when I was reeling from the A. I think in her own mind she was doing it for "the right reasons" - because she thought I needed support. Even so, of course the two people she told each told two or three people, and needless to say I really didn't have to tell anyone after that because it was just like a game of telephone run amok.

Even if you trust the stylist not to gossip about the information, she may tell the receptionist in confidence, and the receptionist may tell others. If the receptionist is the one who schedules appointments, wouldn't your stylist have to tell her that you and the OW couldn't be booked on the same day? And even if she didn't give her a reason initially, if the OW called and pressed for an appointment around the same time as yours, maybe your stylist would tell the receptionist why you didn't want to be in the same salon as OW (maybe just because she didn't want the receptionist to think you are being rude or unreasonable)?

It's just something to consider IMO since you mentioned that you haven't told anyone about the A.

any chance you could say that OW wears a certain perfume that makes you sick to your stomach so could you be scheduled on a different day?

The reality is that most people in your H & OW's circles already know about the affair. These people in the know avoid discussing their knowledge of the A with you out of ignorance that is mistaken for respect.

I'd be honest and tell the entire salon what this woman did to you. She tried to steal your husband and your family. I'd even find a way to let the OW know that everyone knows and maybe she will be embarrassed enough to stay away.

When you shine light on the evil that is perpetrated on you, the evil ones usually skirmish away like cockroaches do when a light is turned on in a room.

I'm a FWS and personally believe this is always the wisest approach when confronted with OW/OM crossing your path.

[This message edited by Card at 1:54 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]

I would tell my stylist in confidence about what occurred to ensure that there are no misunderstandings. Emphasize that you are trusting her to be discreet. If you make an excuse why you do not want to be scheduled at the same time as OW, she may ask OW about it or mention your request to her.

I will bet your bottom dollar your stylist already knows...that is, if the OW has been her client long enough. My sister is a cosmetologist...and you would swear to goodness, she was the local counselor...people tell her all kinds of stuff! OW's don't have a lot of people to confide, so they think that the hair stylist is the one to tell...

My sister has to keep a "gag order" when people tell her personal things....she can't tell anyone of course, so she keeps the client.....

But, your stylist may think that you don't know, so she doesn't bring it up...