I see it all the time now- that the OP is denigrated to a thing and not a person.
When I asked FWH (all those years ago) why he called OW It he said "Because It is not a human being who deserves to be treated as such. It is just a thing, a leech that does not warrant respect or to be thought of as a human!"
I initially though that, for him to reduce the OW to a 'thing' and not a living, breathing human being was a cop out- easier for him to cope with.
Yet- I call OW It to him too as that is now her moniker and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Why do you call OP 'It' ?
I am curious.
I don't want to depersonalize the situation. The infidelity was very personal. The other person was real - flesh and blood.
I believe that to minimize or depersonalize something tends to take the "punch" out of it. If I say "I am a bit heavy" or "big boned", I am probably going to stay that way.
But if I say "I look like a fat pig" - maybe I will be more likely to do something about it.
If I call the other person "IT" I think it would be to discount her, and therefore make the situation less real and ugly.
Also, by saying "IT", it almost makes it sound less bad that the infidelity was only with an "it".
Just the way I personally look at it.
ETA: It also might make a difference in how I view this because my husband's "other woman" was a ONS, not an ongoing relationship.
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 12:37 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
To call her an "it" for me would single her out as not human - thereby possible unique. I want her to be human and ordinary, another nameless faceless homewrecker who doesn't deserve my thoughts or attention.
ETA: The term it was my choice.
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 12:41 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
Most of the OWs in WH case do not have that quality. Therefore, they are dubbed, "it." Besides, to him they were not persons. They were holes and/or pixels on a computer screen. There may or may not have been some that did have some (very) base, although skewed view of morality. I suppose those can be elevated to the status of "him" or "her."
That's how I refer to her and have been since the beginning. My husband now uses this term as well, and I think he is more comfortable using it than to call her by her given name anyway. I don't care why it makes me feel good but maybe there's nothing to pick apart here. It does really roll right off the tongue.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
I'm okay with calling her It as it's now her nick-name but in the beginning I hated that FWH removed the humanisation of her as I thhought it was a huge copout.
Almost a minimising of who she was and what she represented.... which was someone who (important or otherwise or a glory hole or just any old woman) was able to hurt me and my family for so long!
And then THAT is why I like to call her It
Why do you call OP 'It' ?
Even a personal pronoun is too personal.
To me they are both cheaters, Wh**** and many other things, but non-human is not one of those things. I could forgive easier if they were.
Here's a weird t/j - The OW has a name that could be either male or female, like Robin, Pat, Jerry. It recently dawned on me that when my dad was dying back in the early 80's he owned a contractor business and while he was dying he/ the business was totally ripped off by his number one carpenter/employee and his wife (they stole equipment and money) ...guess what? They both had the same name (different spellings) of OW6. Man, what an omen!
That, and as I'm learning about my mother, my mother is a repeat OW and while I hate hearing about what she's done and just how unremorseful she is, she's still my mother, and if I heard someone refer to my mother as an "it", I'd punch them in the mouth, no matter how wrong my mother was in the situation. I'm not giving the OW in my situation the same respect that I give my mother by any means though.
I don't call my husband "it" therefore I don't call his AP's "it".
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
ETA: With regard to the OM, H and I call him a very unflattering nickname that my H came up with. I don't call him "it" but I do call him "sick". And his nickname is a play on a particular word that our mental health community considers to be highly insulting. However, I'd prefer to never think of that sick, unhealthy asshole ever again, and I'm sure H would prefer I think of H. So I try to focus on my own actions.
[This message edited by silverhopes at 5:13 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]