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Followinig in his father's footsteps

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StillLivin posted 11/14/2013 12:43 PM

I feel so sick. My youngest DSS cheated on his beautiful girlfriend. His girlfriend already has daddy abandonment issues. Her father cheated, then left her mother and the marriage of 17 years for his OW. In typical W fashion, he had nothing to do with his kids for a few years. About 2 years ago, he had a case of conscience and is now actively involved again. A lot of damage was done to those kids though.
Now DSS cheated. Then, out of guilt dumpeed her for 2 days. No explanation. Let her think it was something she did.
Then he decided he wanted her back because she is special and because she loves him so much. HE deserves her love because he made a mistake but isn't a bad person. I urged him to tell her the truth and work through the guilt and shame. He told me they made up but didn't tell her about cheating. His explanation, he felt that HE deserved another chance and HE deserved to have her as his girlfriend. Sounded just like his father. Talk about de ja vu.
All of this happened right before he ran away and days before my WH came home and abandoned me.
I haven't shared this with anybody. I kept it bottled up.
My DSSs bio mother has major emotional issues and basically abandoned these boys when they were younger.
DSS changed his phone number and won't have any contact with me because I tried to be his conscience.
Jeez, how do the hell do we break the cycle and keep our children from repeating their parents' poor choices. Coincidence that these two kids found each other? NOT.

TheThreeYearFool posted 11/14/2013 13:47 PM

One of the only people I've told about the A is my MIL, and she flipped out.

Because HER marriage was destroyed by WH's dad's infidelity.

I'm sure the abandonment and betrayal issues figure in a lot to his needs for attention and to be the rescuer.

deena posted 11/14/2013 19:12 PM

My WH's father cheated on his wife many times and finally left her for another woman many years ago. Coincidently just before my WH left me and had an affair.

I have read an article saying that there is a gene that can be passed down that spurs a person to cheat. I say bull****.

Must Survive posted 11/14/2013 22:01 PM

Both STBXH's mom and dad cheated. His mom cheated on his dad, and his dad cheated on his 2nd wife.

I had no idea until I started asking questions after D-day.

I have many conversations with DS, hopefully to stop this cycle.

Scientist posted 11/15/2013 04:42 AM

This behaviour can obviously be learned from the mother too. My WW's mother had a LTA; even invited her OM to our wedding in 1977 alongside my future FIL (the woman has no shame). WW's sister is on her 3rd M, having cheated on her first husband, then married the AP (only lasted a short time).

For years I thought my wife was an exception, came from a family of low-life shits, but by some miracle had turned out OK. I have certainly seen the light now. One of my conditions for considering R is that I do not have to have anything more to do with her awful family.

[This message edited by Scientist at 4:59 AM, November 15th (Friday)]

StillLivin posted 11/15/2013 17:02 PM

Thank you everybody. I wish I could help him, but he isn't even in contact. I love this amazing kid with all I have. I see the train wreck coming. He's going to continue cheating just like my STBXH if he doesn't get help or even acknowledge his own selfishness.

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