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Newest Member: timeheals (61501)

User Topic: Followinig in his father's footsteps
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel so sick. My youngest DSS cheated on his beautiful girlfriend. His girlfriend already has daddy abandonment issues. Her father cheated, then left her mother and the marriage of 17 years for his OW. In typical W fashion, he had nothing to do with his kids for a few years. About 2 years ago, he had a case of conscience and is now actively involved again. A lot of damage was done to those kids though.
Now DSS cheated. Then, out of guilt dumpeed her for 2 days. No explanation. Let her think it was something she did.
Then he decided he wanted her back because she is special and because she loves him so much. HE deserves her love because he made a mistake but isn't a bad person. I urged him to tell her the truth and work through the guilt and shame. He told me they made up but didn't tell her about cheating. His explanation, he felt that HE deserved another chance and HE deserved to have her as his girlfriend. Sounded just like his father. Talk about de ja vu.
All of this happened right before he ran away and days before my WH came home and abandoned me.
I haven't shared this with anybody. I kept it bottled up.
My DSSs bio mother has major emotional issues and basically abandoned these boys when they were younger.
DSS changed his phone number and won't have any contact with me because I tried to be his conscience.
Jeez, how do the hell do we break the cycle and keep our children from repeating their parents' poor choices. Coincidence that these two kids found each other? NOT.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 4376 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 41218
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the only people I've told about the A is my MIL, and she flipped out.

Because HER marriage was destroyed by WH's dad's infidelity.

I'm sure the abandonment and betrayal issues figure in a lot to his needs for attention and to be the rescuer.

Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 165 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
♀ 27275
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH's father cheated on his wife many times and finally left her for another woman many years ago. Coincidently just before my WH left me and had an affair.

I have read an article saying that there is a gene that can be passed down that spurs a person to cheat. I say bull****.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3268 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Must Survive
♀ 34533
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Both STBXH's mom and dad cheated. His mom cheated on his dad, and his dad cheated on his 2nd wife.

I had no idea until I started asking questions after D-day.

I have many conversations with DS, hopefully to stop this cycle.

WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
♂ 40910
Member # 40910
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This behaviour can obviously be learned from the mother too. My WW's mother had a LTA; even invited her OM to our wedding in 1977 alongside my future FIL (the woman has no shame). WW's sister is on her 3rd M, having cheated on her first husband, then married the AP (only lasted a short time).

For years I thought my wife was an exception, came from a family of low-life shits, but by some miracle had turned out OK. I have certainly seen the light now. One of my conditions for considering R is that I do not have to have anything more to do with her awful family.

[This message edited by Scientist at 4:59 AM, November 15th (Friday)]

Me: 58
WW: 58
M: 36 years
Together 39 years
4 children, 1 grandchild
dday(1) July 2005; dday(2) September 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: UK
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everybody. I wish I could help him, but he isn't even in contact. I love this amazing kid with all I have. I see the train wreck coming. He's going to continue cheating just like my STBXH if he doesn't get help or even acknowledge his own selfishness.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 4376 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 6

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