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User Topic: Meaningful things our WS says
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We always see threads about the stupid or hurtful things the AP or WS says. How about a positive one?

What are some of the meaningful or powerful things our WS says?

A few of mine are:

"I am sorry I brought him into our life."

"Whatever it takes"

"I am doing every thing I can to never be that person again"


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Aug 2012
MrsDoubtfire
♀ 24786
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Every day I thank God for the fact you gave me the gift of reconciliation"

"I promise you I will never be that man again"

"I still feel shame and want to smack myself upside the head when I think of what I did"

"Blimey MrsDoubtfire- you are just everything to me and it's all about you from here on in!" (I love this when he says this )

My favourite (tongue in cheek) "Go shopping and take my credit card!"

[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 1:58 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Jul 2009
koss424
♂ 37123
Member # 37123
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your spouses bring this up on their own? We're about 1.5 years in since D-Day and I'm doing a lot better. I still havent forgiven my wife, but I'm no longer dwelling on this issue on a daily basis. It still bothers me though that my WW never brings the issue up and doesn't talk about it unless I do first.

I'm at the point where we've talked about everything, and don't want to really rehash the past, but it bothers me that I'm not given any validation from time to time that she's grateful for me not leaving her like I almost did, or even that she's enjoying being in the relationship.

I know I could reach out and start the conversation, but I'm tired of always being the one who has to do that.


Me: 38 BH
Her: 35 WW
Just passed out 10 year anniversary
Two beautiful daughters: 7 & 5
DD: 05/16/2012
Working on R



Posts: 7 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Sault Ste. Marie
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most times it is a response to a look on my face or something I say. Sometimes it is when we are having a great time together or as a family as she sees what she was risking. A couple times it has been all on her own from a trigger she had.

ETA. Good ones MD

[This message edited by Chicho at 2:43 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Aug 2012
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't really participate in this one. Physical touch is my primary love language....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10582 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
daisychains
♀ 37997
Member # 37997
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry." (not the first time he said it but the first time that I believed him)

"I'm a lucky man that you stayed."

"I don't deserve you but I hope one day I will."

"I love you." (for a long time I didn't believe him)

"You're right." (well it's always nice to hear that whatever the reason!)

"I've been a stupid selfish bastard - I will never do this to you again!"

er ........ am I allowed to write the last one ....... direct quote from fwh .......... is name calling themselves allowed ....... oh 'eck I've confused myself .......... it's just I found it pretty powerful when he said it to me.


LTA 3.5 years

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: uk
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of this was my fault. It was my choice. If you want to be angry be angry with me.

I DID THIS.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
struggling3
♀ 34671
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also "whatever it takes"

"You are the love of my life and I will love getting old with you"

always calls me "baby" or "lover"

I don't really know what my primary love language is but I love it all...words...touch...gifts...I'll take it all :)))


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 29, 26, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice Sisoon

Good stuff everyone.


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Aug 2012
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That he could not imagine life without me (with real tears in his eyes). This was after learning of one of his friend's wife's passing and seeing what his friend is going through, missing all the everyday nuances of his wife. It touched me because I felt that he meant it from his heart and I can tell that he loves me. He told me he is thankful I gave him a chance to prove that he is not the person I thought he was.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 3:36 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
41andthankful
♀ 38650
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are not in r, but I still give him credit for the growth and changes I can see. He told me how sorry he was, how he can't believe the magnitude of pain due to his selfishness. He is working hard so that when I look at him he'll no longer be a reflection of hurt and brokenness. He'll be someone that can augment all the good he sees in me.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013
plainpain
♀ 40139
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You did absolutely nothing to deserve what I did to you. You are the most amazing wife any man could ask for. You always have been. You are innocent. I wronged you, and I will spend the rest of my life being sorry for that."

"Thank you for staying. Every day that I wake up and you are still here is a good, good day."

"That thing you do, where you don't leave me? I love that."

"All those times I let you believe you were crazy? You weren't crazy. You were right. I lied to protect myself, and I'm so very sorry."

"You weren't a fool. I was just a very, very good liar, and you trusted me."


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

“I took something innocent and beautiful and almost unconditional, and destroyed it.”

“This had nothing to do with you.”

“you make me happy” (this one was said out of nowhere – I was watching TV)

“We’re gonna be old people together”


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couldn't help myself, Chicho.

This is a great thread. W just found some letters I wrote her 30 years ago when I was away on a couple of projects, and they bring up bitter-sweet memories about things we just didn't connect on. Remembering good stuff and reading about good stuff from others helps.

I can't remember many specific words, but in general, every time my W answered a question about her A was meaningful to me.

And 'I love you' accompanied by remorseful. loving actions.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10582 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Emptynester3
♀ 41309
Member # 41309
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are the love of my life, truly, and I have hurt you in the worst possible way. I do not deserve your love. I'm sorry.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Nov 2013
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ 40950
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm so sorry"

"I don't deserve you or your love and I'm so thankful you are giving me another chance"

"Whatever inside me that made me think that I wanted to sleep with someone is dead. It's not what I want and it's why it stopped. I'm ashamed and will spend the rest of my life making you feel happy and safe again"

Lots more.


Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
kickintheface
♀ 34350
Member # 34350
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear a lot of these things...but I just can't believe them. He said a lot of sweet stuff before the affair...and he must not have meant it if he were able to have the affair. Why should I believe those things now. :(


BS-Me (38), WS-Him (37) M-13 yrs
2 innocent children
EA OW-ex fiance/Mother of his OC that is 14, just found this out.
The hardest part about walking away from someone is when you realize that no matter how slow you go, they will never run after you.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2011
SadFlower
♀ 37725
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You are the love of my life."
"You did nothing wrong--we had a good marriage. You were a perfect wife. I was a jerk."
"I don't deserve you."


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
WaryOptimist
♀ 19911
Member # 19911
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for taking me back.


Me: The faithful one
Him: WS
4 great kids
Married 28 years, together 36
D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)
Aaaaaas Yoooouuu Wiiiiiish...

Posts: 650 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Here & There
cantaccept
♀ 37451
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me, "this all feels so surreal"

H, "what feels surreal to me is that I am here, that you are giving me this chance"

Great idea Chicho


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced!


Posts: 1481 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 34
Pages: 1 · 2

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