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So had a great night and morning. He offered to write a timeline this weekend- written and detailed, not orally and promoted by me.
In my efforts to "help" him, I decided to check our phone history.

Some new things I learned.
They started talking on June 10th- not "around Fourth of July" as he had said.
I asked for - and thought we had agreed upon NC on July 27 or 28.
Phone records show texts and phone calls on August 10, 11 ad 12. Mostly from her and he did share one them at the time.
Then- August 20th. She calls. He calls her back. And they talk for 50 effing minutes.
Since then- nothin that I don't know about. And I still have some piecing together to do as far as July when they were going strong. I have 5 pages.
And I know she has another number that I don't know- because there are texts that I saw that don't have a matching record in my "log."
I am narrowing it down to numbers I don't recognize and then going to match it up with the times I know she called.

This sucks. I am obsessed. And after such a good night. :(

I am goin to sit tight with my new found info. I will give him a chance to be honest with me- before I tell him I have the records.

Is that wrong? Am I being dishonest?
My whole goal here is to really demonstrate how much he HASN'T told me. He seems to think he has done so well. I keep trying to tell him that there are so many fuzzy spaces.

Well- he just called. She texted again- he read it to me and we talked. I asked him when the last time he responded to her was. He gave me a date much earlier than their 50 minute conversation. Crap.
Now we have to talk. I told him we needed to cover some stuff tonight- did not tell him I have phone records.

We'll see how it goes.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 2:19 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]

Oh wondertwin, I'm so sorry. You want to trust them and things seem to be going so well, then bam! Praying for strength as you confront this. Get that timeline first though.

Im sorry. He has been lying to you this whole time. he knows he broke NC. He knows that is not ok..and he is fully aware of how much his interaction with OW has hurt you. He chose to break NC several times..and he has chosen to continue to lie to you.

It's good that you found this. It hurts now,but you need to know the truth. And you need to know that your WS is still lying about the OW. Knowledge is power. Painful,but necessary.

What are the consequences of lying?

As long as there are secrets and lies,true R can't begin.

(((((wondertwin)))))

He KNOWS he hasn't been doing "so well." He knows he has been lying to you. It's disrespectful,hurtful,and so wrong. To continue contact and continue to lie to a BS after dday...well..it's cruel.

Yes..it's common for a WS to break NC and to TT. That doesn't make it ok..it doesn't make it right.

Consequences. He needs them.

ETA: I just read your other thread..that she is trying to contact him. Not surprising,considering she knows he broke NC several times a few months ago. She doesn't think he was serious about NC..because he wasn't. He offered to sit down and write everything out? tell him to do it today. I understand you don't want him to hurt...but you need to find your bitch boots here. Put them on.

You have been very understanding..very generous..very kind to him. You have given him the benefit of the doubt. He has taken advantage of that,honey.

[This message edited by confused615 at 2:34 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]

Thank you nest for your words of comfort. they always help.

Oh Confused- ouch. I knew someone would say that.
I know. I do.
This sucks.
I think he lied ad then tried to pretend like he didn't. I think he tucked it away and was hoping I would never piece it together.
When I asked him- he said "you told me NC and I agreed" then he said " I know my words don't mean much, ban you can believe me or not. I am telling you the truth."
Oh honey... I only wish you were.
Not sure how tonight will go.
I hate feeling like the "bad guy" - I know I'm not, but I have to make all of the hard decisions. This just sucks.
Depending on tonight- I may be reading up on the 180.
Did I mention this sucks?

Well, sh*t.

I am so sorry Wondertwin. You have been working so hard to move through this, and now this slap in the face.

I think you are wise to hold your cards close to your chest and give him the chance to be honest. Then if he is not, you can confront him and gauge his reaction.

You are not the bad guy here, by any stretch of the imagination. You are a person who will not tolerate the disrespect of continued lies. Remember that YOU are the one who needs to look out for YOU. That is healthy and right to do, and you are worth it.

Sending you strength. Update later if you can (((Wondertwin)))

((Wondertwin))
Geesh, don't they know by now that we are super sleuths? And that the truth, means ALL THE TRUTH EVERYDAY? Doesn't he realize he is hanging by a thread? Sorry, I am just angry for you.

Sending you strength too, l hope he gives you what you need to know.