I never knew I could feel such pain, such devastation. I thought we were doing good, I knew things were a little rough but we just moved to the DC area from California and we were both starting new jobs. We have two young daughters...of course things are going to be hectic, but I thought we would get through it, like we always do.
I had to go back to California for a month, I left on September 29 and I knew if we could get through this month we would be back to normal. WW had other plans, she saw an opportunity to start getting serious with a co-worker. I knew something was up because she wouldn't answer my calls, would be short with me, yell at me, ignore my texts, but she was going through a lot of stress caring for the girls and working full time. Then she cut her hair and started to spend a lot of money and further distanced her self and I knew something wasn't right.
On October 28th I checked the cell phone bill and was in shock...over 3000 text messages to the same number and hours and hours of conversation! I called her immediately and confronted her. She said it was work stuff so I asked about the phone calls at 4am and she was speechless. "What do you want me to say?" she asked...seriously! WTF!
So we talked that night and I made the mistake of blaming myself...saying I will change, it's all my fault, I will be different and then I got a plane the next day and flew home (I wasn't supposed to leave for another 3 days).
She's told me multiple times that it wasn't physical, only emotional, but I don't believe it.(I found pictures of her topless on her iPad) I continued to say sorry for how I failed to meet her emotional needs and drive her into this situation. I started doing everything around the house, let her do her work. She was drinking a lot and coming home late, but we were going on a trip we planned months ago back to where we met, so I just hung in there so we could get some alone time.
We had a good time but she drank a lot and on the Saturday before we went home she passed out after saying she needs to talk to me sober. I took the opportunity to look at her phone and emails. She was calling, emailing and texting the OM while we were together! She said she was just going through the motions until after the holidays and then we would be getting a divorce.
I was destroyed. Well, somehow she found out I went through her emails and it pushed her even further away. I don't feel guilty about it one bit. I needed to know what was really going on. What blew my mind was that she told me she asked the OM for space but she was calling, emailing and texting him...what a bunch of BS!
I finally got to the point were I realized this is not my fault and I told her she messed up not only our family but the OM's family too(Married, 2 kids) This was her decision, not mine.
She continues to call and talk to this guy. They text all the time. I found today she was looking for other places to live and new schools for my daughters. It is killing me to think of being away from my girls, but it might go that way. I want to get through the holidays was my oldest doesn't associate christmas with mommy and daddy breaking up, but it's going to be hard.
We are seeing a marriage counselor tonight, but deep down I only think she is going so she can tell herself she tried.
I'm sick of feeling this pain. It does feel good to get what I'm feeling out.