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Received a lovely text from my husband.

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simplydevastated posted 11/14/2013 15:46 PM

I just checked my phone and received a lovely text from my husband saying that he's going to be late because his FRIEND is interviewing at his company.

WTF!!

He helps his friends find work but he won't help his wife!

I'm trying to come up with a reply. So far I have:

1. and...
2. So...
3. What about helping your fucking wife find a job. You know, the person that you cheated on you jackass!!

I don't think he'll like the third one, but it makes me feel better.

Seriously! WTF!!

Also, I don't even know why he bothered to tell me. He didn't tell me that he was going to be late last night. He comes home a half hour late and DS10 asks him why he's late as we're already having dinner. My husband said "I'm not late. I was at work." Um, jackass, I hate to tell you this, but when you normally come home at 5 and you're walking through the door at 5:30, you're FUCKING LATE!!!

WTF!!!

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 3:47 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]

silverhopes posted 11/14/2013 16:21 PM

I can see why that would hurt your feelings. Maybe he feels it was an improvement because he let you know he'd be late, but it can hurt because he made his friend a priority instead of being home on time or supporting you in job searching. Is he writing you that to let you know, or because he is thinking it will change dinner plans?

Are you guys in R, in limbo, or separated right now?

simplydevastated posted 11/14/2013 19:25 PM

I honestly don't know why he sent me that text. He never tells me anything anyway. The only way I find out information is if I continue to read his emails. I'm almost thinking he sent that message to get a rise out of me. As crazy as that sounds.

We are not in anything right now.

hardtimesinlife posted 11/14/2013 19:39 PM

Well why would that make him late? So if you are doing the 180 you are cheerful, eat dinner without him, happily. If you aren't doing the 180 you could scrub the toilet with his toothbrush
Limbo sucks!

gonnabe2016 posted 11/14/2013 19:46 PM

SD, why do you continue to put up with his bullshit?

simplydevastated posted 11/14/2013 19:50 PM

I'm assuming because he wanted to hang out and chat with him after the interview. He ended up being an hour late.

We had an awesome dinner. It was just leftovers, but there was no yelling, the kids used impeccable table manners. It was so relaxing.

It's a long story, gonnabe.

thenon-goddess posted 11/14/2013 20:47 PM

My guess is he sent the text because its a lie. If he would normally just come home late, then why would he all of a sudden decide to text when he's going to be late? Our subconscious has a way of giving us up when we're up to no good.

simplydevastated posted 11/15/2013 05:09 AM

He normally comes home on time. It's only recently that he's late and this was the second night in a row. Wednesday was a half hour, last night was an hour.

I don't know why he all of a sudden told me.


Our subconscious has a way of giving us up when we're up to no good.

Good point.

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 5:13 AM, November 15th (Friday)]

Eudaimonia posted 11/15/2013 06:53 AM

It's also possible (if, like you said, he's trying to get a rise out of you) that he is deterring from something else. Wh has told me, himself, that that is one of his manipulation tactics. Good times.

Did you say he was a gamer? If so, which one? I know there's some mmorpg'ers here who might be able to get to the bottom of this....since he's so willing to "talk openly" online???

stillprettyupset posted 11/15/2013 11:44 AM

One of the first things I learned about interrogation and confession was that "volunteering" information is also a potential indicator of lying. You are fortunate in that you already have a baseline for what is normal behavior. Usually Late doesn't warrant a text, but today it does...something has changed.


Hardtimes, that 180 versus toothbrush comment was the height of my day.

simplydevastated posted 11/15/2013 12:32 PM

It's definitely something, but I don't know what. Like I said before he never tells me anything.

We were texting early because DD7 is having issues at the bus stop (I posted about this in OT) and I finished that conversation with "I don't like two-faced people. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is nice to my face then talks shit about me behind my back." He asked me if that was about the kids at the bus stop or the mom's at the bus stop. I told him it goes for anyone.

Did you say he was a gamer? If so, which one? I know there's some mmorpg'ers here who might be able to get to the bottom of this....since he's so willing to "talk openly" online???

I don't know what mmorp is. Yes, he's a big gamer. He plays the war games - Call of Duty, Battlefield 4. Those are the two that I know of.


One of the first things I learned about interrogation and confession was that "volunteering" information is also a potential indicator of lying.

What kind of interrogation do you do Just kidding

I've heard the same thing about volunteering information. It's almost like they are to cover their asses before they get caught or something.

I've done a lot of reading about how to tell when someone is lying and one of the indicators is that when some people lie their face will "flash" and they won't even know it. I've started to pay attention and his face does that. It changes so slightly that he's not aware of it. He'll also look away and/or rub his face with his hands.

Usually Late doesn't warrant a text, but today it does...something has changed.

Exactly, but what that is, I have no idea. The last two email accounts that I have access to have, for the most part, gone dead. He would get a ton of emails from friends, and now nothing. He has an Iphone and Ipad, so I think he has a mobileme account, or whatever it's called.

StillLivin posted 11/15/2013 12:39 PM

simplydevastated
It's time to get a keylogger on his phone and IPAD.
I put keyloggers on everything. After a while, I realized I didn't want to live like that and filed for legal separation a few months before he returned from Afghanistan.
He'd already made his plans to leave me and was packing the day after he got back when I surprised him and had him served.
I hope your story is a happy ending one.

simplydevastated posted 11/15/2013 13:18 PM

I would like to do that, but I don't have the money for a keylogger. Also, his phone never leaves his side. I can bypass his password on his laptop if he would ever turn it off. He has everything well guarded.

That's a good way to keep yourself protected.

Thank you.

gonnabe2016 posted 11/15/2013 23:28 PM

We had an awesome dinner. It was just leftovers, but there was no yelling, the kids used impeccable table manners. It was so relaxing.

It's a long story, gonnabe.


Yea, I know SD, we all have *long* stories.

You mentioned 3 possibilities of how you were going to deal with this....and in the end you choose option #4 -- rugsweeping? Awesome dinner, good table manners, so relaxed......so long as we don't mention the fact that WH will *give up* time with the family in order to help someone else get a job....but can't be bothered to life a finger to help you????

Chicky posted 11/16/2013 00:40 AM

Not in any way taking his side, but maybe it's possible he let you know because he was questioned last night...

You know your H, I don't. But that is the first thing I thought. <shrug>

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