I felt so embarrassed and like crap the rest of the class and even when I got home.
Crap that I had to disclose my "secret" that I never wanted to tell. Going back to grad school to finish my courses for licensure was my safe place where people didn't know anything about what happened last year. It is part of me rebuilding myself.
Crap that I felt ashamed of what my WH did - even though I know it's not my fault.
And even more crappy that this is now part of my story, that it still effects me, and that my clinical skills suffered because of this baggage - that I did not ask for.
I have been working so hard in IC to dig out and rebuild. I've been working so hard on my foo issues and really trying to recover from codependent behaviors. Yesterday I was practically a blubbering victim-y codependent mess by the end of the meeting. ugh
Thanks for letting me vent.
I’m sorry you found yourself in that situation. Keep in mind that these are trained counselors that have heard many, many stories. They know everyone has problems, and that this is yours.
And good for you for going back to school!!
I don't think there's a person in that class that isn't carrying some kind of emotional baggage. You got through it, and you can move forward now.
I think they set these things up so that you can get it out on the education side of things. Dealing with triggers and unexpected revelations now will make it easier to tackle in the future.
I'm really proud of you for championing grad school while going through all of this. Truly an inspiration.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 4:11 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]
“I can see the sun, but even if I cannot see the sun, I know that it exists. And to know that the sun is there - that is living.” - Dostoyevsky
that my clinical skills suffered because of this baggage
I don't see this. And I bet a good deal of your reaction was embarrassment at what happened, underscored with some anger that you had to disclose.
I don't think what you've gone through is going to be a barrier to helping others. How many times do we complain here about IC's and MC's who are fucked in the head b/c they blame BS's for affairs? I think your experience will enrichen your ability to understand other's plights much better.
I am proud of you. You did what was required and necessary. You followed the rules. To me, this signals responsibility and self awareness that are pillars of a good counselor. And the triggery stuff? that's just one side of compassion.
How many times do we complain here about IC's and MC's who are fucked in the head b/c they blame BS's for affairs? I think your experience will enrichen your ability to understand other's plights much better.
STBX WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Together 7, married 4yrs
Since DDay, he's drunk by 5pm.
Status - F that guy.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
I'm sorry, though; I know it's difficult when you're triggered by someone with whom you ...well, are supposed to be objective/professional/etc.
Just remember, it happens to EVERYONE--regardless of life experience. And regardless of occupation.
All it does is remind us: we're human.
Don't expect more of yourself than you would of other mere mortals.