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Newest Member: HellYeaimdone (45730)

User Topic: Embarrassed - vent
Issaquah
♀ 34484
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to disclose to my professor that I went through a period of serious infidelity and that I am still with my WH. I had to because it's an advanced counseling skills class and clinical supervision is required (which means I have to disclose my issues when they get stirred up by a client - and they did).

I felt so embarrassed and like crap the rest of the class and even when I got home.

Crap that I had to disclose my "secret" that I never wanted to tell. Going back to grad school to finish my courses for licensure was my safe place where people didn't know anything about what happened last year. It is part of me rebuilding myself.

Crap that I felt ashamed of what my WH did - even though I know it's not my fault.

And even more crappy that this is now part of my story, that it still effects me, and that my clinical skills suffered because of this baggage - that I did not ask for.

I have been working so hard in IC to dig out and rebuild. I've been working so hard on my foo issues and really trying to recover from codependent behaviors. Yesterday I was practically a blubbering victim-y codependent mess by the end of the meeting. ugh

Thanks for letting me vent.


BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Issaquah)))))

Iím sorry you found yourself in that situation. Keep in mind that these are trained counselors that have heard many, many stories. They know everyone has problems, and that this is yours.

And good for you for going back to school!!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Issa)))

I don't think there's a person in that class that isn't carrying some kind of emotional baggage. You got through it, and you can move forward now.

I think they set these things up so that you can get it out on the education side of things. Dealing with triggers and unexpected revelations now will make it easier to tackle in the future.

I'm really proud of you for championing grad school while going through all of this. Truly an inspiration.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 4:11 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18307 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Issaquah
♀ 34484
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for the support and uplifting words.


BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
cayc
♀ 21964
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that my clinical skills suffered because of this baggage

I don't see this. And I bet a good deal of your reaction was embarrassment at what happened, underscored with some anger that you had to disclose.

I don't think what you've gone through is going to be a barrier to helping others. How many times do we complain here about IC's and MC's who are fucked in the head b/c they blame BS's for affairs? I think your experience will enrichen your ability to understand other's plights much better.

(((issaquah)))


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Posts: 3152 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Issa))))

I am proud of you. You did what was required and necessary. You followed the rules. To me, this signals responsibility and self awareness that are pillars of a good counselor. And the triggery stuff? that's just one side of compassion.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5907 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many times do we complain here about IC's and MC's who are fucked in the head b/c they blame BS's for affairs? I think your experience will enrichen your ability to understand other's plights much better.

I completely agree with Cayc.
((( Issaquah )))


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6686 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Issaquah)))) Your experiences will forge a better professional. You recognized the counter-transference, and addressed it; this can only benefit those with whom you work.

I'm sorry, though; I know it's difficult when you're triggered by someone with whom you ...well, are supposed to be objective/professional/etc.

Just remember, it happens to EVERYONE--regardless of life experience. And regardless of occupation.

All it does is remind us: we're human.

Don't expect more of yourself than you would of other mere mortals.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9025 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 8

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