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Confrontation tonight- need some support

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TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/14/2013 16:08 PM

Discovered through phone records that he broke NC in August several times.
I gave him a casual chance to come clean "has there been any contact since xxx day?"
He dropped the ball.

I wrote a letter listing their contact for that period- him calling her and her calling him.

In the letter I explained how we are now bak at square one. He can come clean or move out of my way as I heal myself.
I love him but I cannot do this.
I know he loves me- that's what hurts so bad.

I really could just use a few words so I don't back out.

He's on his way home and I am a mess.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 4:08 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]

heforgotme posted 11/14/2013 16:12 PM

I think what you are requesting is entirely reasonable.

Don't back out.

You are correct.

neverdidithink posted 11/14/2013 16:18 PM

Oh (((Twinnie))) this sucks.

Be strong. I know this is hard because you still love him, but you need to love yourself more right now. Lay it all out and take some time to decide whether or not you're willing to start this process again.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Reach out if you need to vent.

authenticnow posted 11/14/2013 16:23 PM

Wondertwin,

R won't be true anyway if you don't call him on things like this. Don't back out.

Sending you thoughts of strength for tonight. You can do this. You deserve the truth.

silverhopes posted 11/14/2013 16:45 PM

Go for it. If you're nervous, it could even be as simple as handing him the paper and then not saying a word and instead seeing what he has to say for himself. Whether more lies spill out of his mouth, whether he comes clean. Whether he even offers a proper apology. His response should be telling.

You can do this. You weren't the spouse who was up to no good. He has a lot to answer for. This is his responsibility.

Getting to Happy posted 11/14/2013 16:46 PM

Don't Back Out. Stand strong.

You deserve an authentic life.

Thinking of you and sending you light for honesty and transparency.

((((( W T )))))

jjsr posted 11/14/2013 16:47 PM

be strong

5454real posted 11/14/2013 16:52 PM

sending mojo.

what he is showing you through the continued lies is not love. just continuing the hurt and pain.

strength

Emptynester3 posted 11/14/2013 17:17 PM

You need to stay strong and confront him. For successful reconciliation, there has to be NC and he has to be able to bear his soul. I know they sometimes feel like they have no privacy and resent having to be accountable all the time but, this is the price they pay for cheating. If he loves you.. He has to be truthful from now on. You deserve that for all the pain he's put you through. His reaction to your letter will say it all. Sometimes they just don't get it until you spell it out for them. Tell him what you need..demand it in a calm and assertive way. I' m an emotional person and it took me awhile before I could confront my husband without crying and yelling, but now he clearly knows what I need. Your Dday was not that long ago, those first 6 months are so emotionally difficult, even if they do everything right. More lying makes it more difficult. Stay strong and make him come clean, for the last time.

RipsInMyChest posted 11/14/2013 17:23 PM

(((((WT))))))
Stay strong! Update when you can.... hoping it goes well for you.

Skan posted 11/14/2013 17:51 PM

Ah honey, my heart just breaks for you. I've had to do what you're doing tonight. It isn't fair and it isn't right. Be strong.

betrayedme2 posted 11/14/2013 17:58 PM

You need to confront him! Let him know you know. Let him know you gave him an opportunity to confess and he didn't. Let him know how you feel. You let him get by with this, what would be next? Let him know you mean business. Don't rug sweep!

Best wishes and hugs!! Good luck!!

AML04 posted 11/14/2013 19:14 PM

My heart hurts for you just reading this. Don't back down, you deserve so much more.

Healing2012 posted 11/14/2013 19:24 PM

You are strong...you can do this. What you wrote speaks to that: Come clean or move out of my way while I heal myself.

That's really what this is all about - healing. You were trying to heal together. If he chooses not to do that, you know you can (and will) still heal yourself. You will come out of this stronger.

SoAngryAndHurt posted 11/14/2013 20:46 PM

Be strong. You deserve truth and honesty. Sending you thoughts of strength and support. You don't deserve anything less than the truth. ((Hugs))

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/15/2013 05:23 AM

Thank you so much to everyone. I really needed all of your strength last night.
He came home and we went to a private place to talk. I handed him the letter and just sat there.
He read it. Immediately after reading he was quiet for a few minutes.
Then he started taking.
A lot.

No deflections, no defenses- just came as clean as he could.

I finally got the whole story. There were definitely some revelations that I had feared, but not heard from him.
There are still questions an details that I need- but not just yet. Last night was enough for now.
It is hard. It feels like DDay all over again. This was not Trickle Truth- this was avalanche truth.

I am trying to resort the memories... Again.
I am so tired. And he is so sad ad remorseful. I am numb.
We did not argue. We just talked. He talked- I slowly lost my mind one sentence at a time.
We went to bed early, but neither of us slept. It's a work day ad we are going through the motions.
I think I am still numb.

I told him that I had told myself NC was a deal breaker. I told him that last night. Had his reaction been ANYTHING but what it was, I would have used a few hefty bags.
For now- I just need to sit with the new information and process.
I love him- but I am so tired and so unsure.

We have hugged- he has apologized and he answered many many questions.
Now I guess we just wait.
I told him that being intimate in any way right now was just too difficult for me. This is something I have not done before- even in the beginning (damn you HB).
But for now- I don't know how I would handle it and I really can't take a breakdown right now.
I am just going to be for a little bit. No decisions, no plans... Just eat, sleep, love my kids and do my job.
Thank you again my friends.

sinsof thefather posted 11/15/2013 06:03 AM

(((((Wondertwin)))))

I'm so sorry you've been hit by so much TT - but glad that at last he has hopefully come completely clean. I think you are wise to just sit with this for the time being and just concentrate on taking care of you. You are in my thoughts.

AML04 posted 11/15/2013 06:14 AM

I agree, definitely sit with this one. When I got hit with the TT avalanche I thought I was done. The more I sat on it the more I realized I wasn't ready to throw in the towel, yet.

myeverafter posted 11/15/2013 07:39 AM

Hugs! Just don't forget to take care of yourself too.

iwillNOT posted 11/15/2013 07:50 AM

(((Wondertwin)))

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