Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: JulyLady (61478)

User Topic: Letter to WH...should I send it?
♀ 41010
Member # 41010
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any ideas, editing or thoughts welcome.

I miss YOU! I miss US! I miss the strong, dependable, capable, TRUSTWORTHY man I married, the MAN I chose to be the father of the most precious things in my life - the incredible children I bore.

I'm aware we'll never be able to go back and be what we were and should we even make it through this, then I can only hope we can become stronger and better but like everything else, it requires work, from both of us. 
Trust is an extremely fragile thing based on safety, security, RESPECT, love and friendship and once broken extremely difficult to regain.  YOU BROKE MY TRUST! I did not choose this nor did I place us in this position, this is entirely your doing and it's time to take responsibility for once and grow some balls.......

Enough bullshit about how you are incapable of emotion. You managed to pore out more than enough emotional energy and time on this one individual person yet you lack anything when it comes to me and your family.  What a cop out! Very convenient.  I truly wonder, 'when im looking back in 5 years time and am "sorry"', will it really be me who will be the sorry one? I wonder where these 'special people' whom you're investing so much of your time and energy into will be? Blissfully unaware that history is repeating itself again????.... a lonely  sad person who alienated those closest and dearest to him, living a very isolated lonely life? Truly very sad! :-(
You also ALWAYS promised me if there was someone else you would not mess me around you'd just leave. I don't understand????? Another lie?

Another thing that's been bafflingly me for some time and now : Your anger towards me discovering you had gone out to dinner. My only conclusion about this (as it's the only time you've become extremly defensive and angry in regards to all of this and the questions I've presented you with) is that you're hiding behind the anger so I don't get to know the real truth.  You promised to tell me the truth if I asked and by getting angry about it means that I'm unable to question you. Well this is how I see it. She's stressed and upset about her application for the new new job and you are her the shoulder to 'cry' on. You tell me you didn't sit next to her, yes of course not, you couldn't talk to her sitting like that so you would have had to sit opposite one another. How romantic? Oh and of course you won't remember what happened in the last hour and a half that I queried between paying the bill and texting me! Yes, because you could not tell me you drove her home and ......????? I thought you were unable to feel emotion yet you're able to become angry at me in order to hide something in order not to deal with the consequences????

Now, I want to know all that happened and I deserve the truth for once.  I've supported you through thick and thin, I've trusted you to do what's right but I still feel wronged. You have made NO attempt to make me feel secure, happy and your best friend again. She is obviously a much greater pull for you than I ever imagined and sadly all you have is a 'friendship' based on lies, deceit and false facades. A shame really!

I do believe it's time to do some serious reflection and do the right thing. Enough is enough, time to stop being so selfish and worrying about your self absorbed ego. Either way you can't have it both ways unfortunately! It's not healthy and for me or for our relationship and children. I DO deserve so much more! Make a choice and tell me the whole truth.

No matter what I will always love you but know you've hurt me more than you can imagine and I'm terrified of going there again.

Me:BS Married 13 years, together 23
Him: WH - EA/PA with now married

'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway and block the traffic"

Posts: 135 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't send it. It doesn't sound like he's going to be receptive. I get the feeling he will feel more secure in your love and commitment and less willing to give you the truth. That's just my opinion.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is very difficult.

Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6736 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's great to write all of this out, but don't send it. I don't think you're going to get the kind of response you want and you will probably end up being hurt much more in the end. I remember just after Dday, saying things like this to the Gnat. He would just say that I didn't understand and that she was "special". It would hurt so much. I learned that it was better to shut down emotionally around him and not let him in.

BW - Me (40)
XWH -The Gnat
"Engaged" to OW, but the wedding appears to be indefinitely postponed.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (8), 1 DS (3)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 1268 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've seen on here where BS's sent their WS a letter and it worked out great for them. It lifted the fog, they realized what an ass they were, and this helped them changed for the better.

I gave my husband a letter years ago, before I found this site. I listed everything I felt was wrong with the marriage. I even listed his cheating last because I didn't want it to look like I was attacking him. I poured my heart out and cried the entire time I was writing it. He read it, thanked me for it, he even kissed me on the cheek. Last year I found it on the basement floor. That felt like a slap in the face, so I shredded it.

My point is, that it can work both ways. Think about how things are with your husband right now. Do you think he'd be receptive to everything you put in the letter?

Good Luck.


Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)

Posts: 6121 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.