Hey looking forward, in terms of him not having a clue of him not understanding my feelings, sometimes its just not possible to understand exactly how someone else feels. Its like you dont truly understand grief until someone you love die, or you dont know what it is like being a parent until someone dies. He hasnt had anyone be unfaithful to him, so he doesnt really get it.
His willingness to address his issues is a demonstration of remorse because he is giving me actions. He is showing me by his counselling, his discussions with me and a deep need to understand where this behaviour came from is in great part motivated by knowing that if he does not do so, he will lose the greatest thing in his life. As I said in my first post, he is also being open and transparent about his phone, his computer, his whereabouts. He has made some huge changes in the way he communicates and opens up to me. So, by "address" I mean "do something about it".
No, I am not settling. I love and adore this man for a lot of very good reasons. Our lives together are meaningful, and full of opportunities and a life time of happines. The only issue I have is that emotionally he does not seem connected to my grief over what happened, while doing all he can to assist me through this.
He has been so wise and understanding with my own FOO issues, has addressed a large number of his FOO issues and managed to come to terms with some of his problems in his relationship with his children. He supports and guides me through my difficulties with my ex-husband. He has helped me work thorugh my grief over my mother's death. He is a great support with the parenting of my children.
Just because he does not fully understand or connect with my own grief does not mean we do not have deep and honest communication. For him to acknowledge that he may not "get" my grief and despair does not mean that at all, in fact I would say the opposite. I can talk about my feelings and my issues in a way where I feel heard and loved and safe. In his eyes, being a very practical and logical man, we are doing all we can to make our relationship a strong one, he has done everything he can to never EVER be that person again, so emotions and grief do not play as large a part in this for him twelve months down the track.
All I need to work out is if that small part alone really matters. What does it say about him? Does it really matter?
[This message edited by AppleBlossom at 7:54 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]