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Pass posted 11/14/2013 20:59 PM

November 15 is the day: The first anniversary of the day I found out that The Princess is a slut. I've been dreading this day for the past month.

Had a buddy over for a jam session tonight. During a break, I finally told him the full story. His response: "You tried to save the marriage, but you couldn't do it alone. By trying to save it, and then by ending it, you have set a great example for your boys. That is how a man should act."

That made me feel pretty good, but I'm still dreading tomorrow. I won't have the boys until Saturday this week, so I have the opportunity to react openly. I am going to a concert at night, but still look at this date as something to be feared - just like last January, when it was the first anniversary of my suicide attempt. It's just another day. It doesn't have to mean anything - but fuck me it does.

I'm just scared is all. Feeling pretty good about my progress, but I'm scared. There's not even anything to be scared of: I'm definitely NOT going to kill myself, for the record. I have to live this shit out, and will be alive and well come Saturday morning. Like I said, just scared.

5454real posted 11/14/2013 21:08 PM

Count me in the PASS posse! You're right, nothing to be scared of. We got your back!

If only it were so easy.

Sending strength and Mojo.

Thefly559 posted 11/14/2013 21:13 PM

I feel the pain brother. I know exactly how much you hurt. Your friend is right. You did the right thing , be proud of the man you are and the example you set for your boys. The princess is a slut made me crack up when I read it. Mine is too. Stay strong brother. Success is the sweetest revenge.

inconnu posted 11/14/2013 21:19 PM

the dread leading up to the antiversary has been worse for me than the actual day.

be kind to yourself. remember how far you've come, and how strong you are. and if you can't, we'll remember for you, and remind you.

SBB posted 11/14/2013 21:30 PM

We are majestic ships navigating through rocky waters and dangerous reefs underneath. I saw and felt the first anniversary like I was sailing over an old wreckage that had sunk deep down below. I saluted it and sailed out into the big blue bowl of wonderful towards the next safe harbour.

You've got this brother - mourning isn't the same as living through hell. Surround yourself with love and joy on the night. Celebrate you.

I'll raise a glass to you tonight.

thisisterrible posted 11/14/2013 22:07 PM

"You tried to save the marriage, but you couldn't do it alone. By trying to save it, and then by ending it, you have set a great example for your boys. That is how a man should act."

What an amazing thing for your friend to say to you - and so true.

There are so many stupid, idiotic, heartless, downright mean things that people say to someone struggling with infidelity (because they haven't dealt with it and have no idea). But some people know just the right things to say.

Pass posted 11/14/2013 22:37 PM

We are majestic ships navigating through rocky waters and dangerous reefs underneath. I saw and felt the first anniversary like I was sailing over an old wreckage that had sunk deep down below. I saluted it and sailed out into the big blue bowl of wonderful towards the next safe harbour

Thanks y'all. I'm afraid I'm not feeling like a majestic ship - more of a rowboat, really.

SBB posted 11/14/2013 22:41 PM

You're a majestic ship dude - a rowboat wouldn't have made it past the first rough bit.

Look at the waters you've been though - don't you ever doubt it.

abigailadams posted 11/14/2013 22:49 PM

Do something nice for yourself on the 15th. And see friends. I just past my first anniversary of DDay and a massage and drinks with friends as my DD was with the stbx made it a great day. Wishing you a great day too on the 15th.

tesla posted 11/15/2013 06:05 AM

Pass, we have a lot of residual shit to work through whether we realize it or not and I think we build up these dates in our mind because that's where we store all the residual shit.

I was doing the same leading up to the one year mark of my d-day. Luckily, I was able to be with family...but underneath was that current of d-day feelings swirling around.

The nice thing about being a year out is that you can compare those feelings that come up to good, strong feelings you've had since d-day.

Be kind to yourself. Know we are here for you and are thinking of you today. You have come a long way and now you are a year free of the most wretched malignancy.

(((pass)))

tryingagain74 posted 11/15/2013 06:12 AM

Antiversary #1 was tough for me as well, but I kept myself really busy, and I think I went out with siblings to "celebrate" my freedom. It was really helpful; there's no reason for you to be alone today, so go out, make plans, and turn this time of year away from awful and toward awesome.

Antiversary #2 was much less painful. I still felt sad when that time of year came around, but it was more like tiny blips instead of waves of sadness.

Thinking of you today, pass, and sending you strength.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 6:13 AM, November 15th (Friday)]

Pass posted 11/15/2013 09:03 AM

Thanks. Been awake for a couple hours and the sky hasn't fallen yet. Still could happen, I guess.

Definitely sad though.

nowiknow23 posted 11/15/2013 13:07 PM

((((Pass)))) We all get it. We've all survived it. For some, smooth sailing. For other, rough tides. And yet we all sailed past that first antiversary one way or the other. And pass? I have no doubt you will too. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for, bud. We all see it in you. Borrow our eyes for the day if you need to.

Strength to you.

Pass posted 11/15/2013 14:24 PM

Thank you

HurtsButImOK posted 11/15/2013 15:17 PM

pass, hope you are doing okay today.

I found the lead up to DDay more emotional and distressing than the actual day itself. Mine was 3 Nov 2012.

For me it was helpful to reflect on the positives that have come from this incredible journey. The achievements, personal growth and reconnections with friends I had lost touch with. For every sadness there seems to be a contrasting joy.

Pass posted 11/15/2013 16:08 PM

Is it bad that I've spent a good portion of the day hoping that The Princess dies of anal herpes? I don't even know if there is such a thing, but would love her to succumb to it.

ETA: I don't have to be mature yet.

[This message edited by pass at 4:09 PM, November 15th (Friday)]

HurtsButImOK posted 11/15/2013 16:24 PM

I guess I am less mature than you then .

I would rather hope that my X had a prolonged, painful, puss filled, disfiguring STD that caused his roaming whore detecting dick to fall off. To die from his slut infection seems like an easy way out .

More to the point though I would rather not have him in my thoughts at all ever. That's what I am working towards.


StillLivin posted 11/15/2013 17:38 PM

All I could think of for a the first week he went back to Afghanistan was that if he were killed I'd be financially set for a few years, AND that since I'm still legally his wife, I could attain access to his lurve nest with his AP. I would close out their lurve nest with the apartment manager. I would donate the furniture right in front of her to the Salvation Army. I would let his SUV, that I helped him buy that she is now driving around in, be repossessed. I would immediately close out his bank accounts before she had a chance to withdraw any funds. Turn off his phone and cut off her access (I still have ALL passwords to everything). She has no family, no friends out here, she is pregnant. She hasn't held a job in over a year so no money.
Yep, no pity for the prego whore or her demon bastard.
I love children. So this is so not me. But it is what it is. We have a right to our hurt.


Is it bad that I've spent a good portion of the day hoping that The Princess dies of anal herpes?

So to answer your question, no you are NOT a bad person.

Abbondad posted 11/15/2013 18:36 PM

Pass,

It was one year ago this past Tuesday for me too.

I am still here. Scared, yes. I just wrote in another thread, the worst case scenario did not come to pass after all: I did not have a nervous breakdown, I did not kill myself (don't even think I ever thought about it), I stayed a good dad for my kids, showing them "how it's done," even though they are too young perhaps to process the lesson they are learning.

And through it all I suffered--god, how I suffered.

Tomorrow will come, and remind you of the worst day of your life. And it will come every year. But you will wake up and know--through your pain, sadness, and fear--that you did everything you could, and then some. You fought the good fight, like a real man.

But I am still here. And so will you be. And so is everyone on SI, an exclusive club populated by men and women of steel--steel forged by the fires of hell.

Forward, Pass, forward. Toast yourself tomorrow, even if it's through your tears.

Abbondad posted 11/15/2013 18:43 PM

Is it bad that I've spent a good portion of the day hoping that The Princess dies of anal herpes?

Ha. If that makes you bad or immature, I'll up you one: since I found out my STBXWW is pregnant with POS's baby, I have actually chanted aloud (alone), "Please miscarry and die, please miscarry and die..."

As the others say, indifference is the holy grail. Clearly I am not there yet.

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