It sounds like with the separation (in retrospect, I wish we had) and honest discussions, you both understand each other's positions and can move on. Please share anything you did with those of us who can't seem to move on.
I think in order for me to move on with him, I had already accepted that I was ready to move on without him. You hear that said a lot in the JFO side: The only way to save your relationship/marriage is to be ready to lose it. To me, that relationship was and is already lost.
If even just 2-3 months ago someone had said to me I would be talking to WSO, let alone considering R, I would have told them they were insane and laughed them off.
During the separation, I never initiated contact. He always did, and I ignored most of his attempts to get a hold of me. It was when I would have a weak moment that I would respond, and I would realize it was always a mistake immediately thereafter. The last time, he was different. Even with him being "different," R was still not yet on the table with me, and he knew it. He knew what it would take for me to even consider R, and to be honest, I thought he would just balk sooner rather than later. To my surprise, he has stood by and owned up to everything. He is finally sincere and remorseful (I think and hope). At least his actions are showing me as much so far.
If your WS is not doing what is necessary to help you, then you will likely be stuck and not be able to move on. I can move on with or without him, and he knows it. I was already moving on. Don't get me wrong...there is not a day that goes by where thoughts of the A and false R does not plague my thoughts, but I learn to deal with them better day by day. I start to recognize certain signs or triggers and start to deal with them before they become a full-blown anxiety attack.
For a long time, I would just think "OMG...I am hurting so much. I can't stop hurting." Those times still creep up, but rather than just thinking about my pain, I try to think about where it is I want to be, and how I will go about getting there. From thereon, I work on that. That's another part that sucks about the A. It was something that we, as BSes, had no control over. At least trying to find a solution to our current situation is something we can try to have control of in our lives.
At one point during this new attempt at R when I didn't feel as if WSO was doing enough, I told him to basically shit or get off the pot. I think my exact words were "You either put in the proper effort or don't bother at all. You don't get to eat your cake anymore. The bakery has shut down. If you're not going to put in the proper effort, get out of my way. I was doing fine without you in my life, and I don't need you now. If you're not going to be a positive part of my life, then I don't you to be a part of it at all."
I guess to make a long story short, if your WS cannot do what's necessary to help you, then maybe you're better off without him. I think I was better off without him during the separation. As other posters here have also mentioned, total honesty and true remorse go a long way.
crossroads2010, I hope I have been of some help, and I wish all of us here the best in this long and arduous path of R that we have decided to take.