Since I was a young adult, I found myself setting aside a little time each day to check in with reality. During this time I would work on problems, but also spend time giving thanks for the good or positive things I still had/have.
I still do this, though have much less time for it.
The problems are the obvious things. Lately I ask myself other things, like why is it the problems are easier to focus on than the good, and so on?
So my post this time is to focus on the positive, the good, the light in life that remains among the wreckage of things that once were.
It is an apt day, DD's birthday, to do this, I think.
Out of the wreckage are things like strength I didn't know I had, respect coming from people who didn't really know me but knew me, and so on.
An important thing to note is a forging of both old and new relationships and support systems that did not exist when X was in the picture. Old friends are coming out of the wood work and admitting that they did not like him but were "happy for me". Some say there was something about him but they couldn't put a finger on it...the NPD? The Passive Aggression.
And now, finally...WHO THE F CARES? I am getting there.
Many people stepped aside for X and sometimes it blows my mind how differently I was treated as a married person than as a single one.
Do any of you notice this too?
This works in several ways ways-in some ways he was a buffer so that I had space, to make mistakes, to do things as I wished without advice I didn't always want.
Now that has changed and people give advice or info without asking and I just say thanks and filter it as needed.
I find that some people I am more accepting of advice than others. And those people I simply do the "smile and nod".
Other people spend time with us who did not before save, holidays or funerals and this I give thanks for.
So you see, it is very true that "doors will open that were shut before" or whatever the saying is. We have to allow it, to welcome it, to then embrace it and realize that there truly is a life after M but we have to see the forest through the trees.
And we have to allow ourselves to look through the midst of the pain and admit that good things still exist. In my wallowing time, this was very hard to do.
Eta that I wanted also to give thanks for the people who support and root for myself and children on this day especially. It does help take my mind off the pain and the A to do so.
Sorry for the long message...seems to be my way.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 8:03 AM, November 15th (Friday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.