I have never fully given up on the idea of R, but it has been moved to the very back of my mind. I have focused on my own healing instead, which is why I'm even asking this question. If he does want to R, what the heck do I even do after all this time? On one hand it seems like it would be easier than trying right after D-day since so much time has passed and I am much stronger than I was back then - tow the line or you're gone. But then I think about putting myself out there, risking being hurt again...and I don't know if I could handle this again. Am I past the point of no return?
Has anyone ever been in this situation before? You would love to truly R, but don't want to damage all the work you've done healing yourself?
He has also apologized for the consequences that his A has had on me - the lingering mistrust, pain, and fear.
Proceed with caution. Watch his words and actions very carefully for any sense of continued selfishness or entitlement.
This happened to me, but after a couple of weeks of speaking with X I realized that he felt bad because HIS life had come crashing down and he actually wanted me to save him! No thanks, BTDT, got the scars to prove it.
R has to start somewhere. I'm sure that some exes come barging down the door, doing all the right things right off the bat. But I bet a lot are not like that, and it's not necessarily realistic to expect them to be. They haven't been reading SI on the daily for the past however-long like we have. They might not know what to do, and how to do it, exactly. They might be as confused as you are. It might be worth looking at, IF you're willing to hang with that. IF. HUGE IF. I realize that might just be sticking your heart in a blender and waiting to see what button they press. And that's a choice you have to make.
In this forum, you're going to get a certain answer to your question. I bet you'd get a different one in R. Could you post there? I know mods don't like a bunch of the same threads going at once (makes sense) but I'm wondering if you could dip a toe in there. I know, from my own (self-torturous) reading in R, that there are some pretty incredible stories of people pulling back together, and they don't always fit the perfect SI-R-recommended mold.
Ever the optimist, I guess. Keep us posted!!!